9. He made up the story to get someone to fondle his anus.
“A friend of mine works as an emergency doctor and he was sent out with an ambulance because there was this guy with ‘an anal issue.’ When they got there, he told them he tried to satisfy himself by putting a candle up his bottom but that it broke off and that there was a piece of candle stuck. So one of the nurses put on latex gloves to try and fish it out but it very soon became clear… this patient didn’t have a candle up his ass….Turns out he made up the story to get someone to fondle him with latex gloves.”
10. She used a broom handle to pop up her stomach so she could have sex.
“An obese lady came in with large chunks of wood in her abdominal region. Seems odd. They removed the chunks of wood and noticed it matched what looked like a broom handle. Apparently she was so large that her stomach covered her vagina, so she would prop it up with a broom so her twig of a man could get in. It finally broke.”
11. ‘It must have been the kids.’
“A woman came in with a tube of Smarties (UK chocolate similar to M&Ms) stuck in her butt. She said she had no idea how it could have gotten there and that ‘It must have been the kids.’”
12. A KFC drumstick up his arse.
“A teenage boy came into the Emergency department with his mother. I remember he was wearing a long coat and looked kind of glum. Turns out he’d ordered too much KFC and had a drumstick left so what did he decide to do? That’s right, he shoved it up his arse. Now, the arse wants what it wants and refused to give the chicken leg back, so after some unsuccessful manipulation he did what any teenage boy would do in a situation with no easy solution. He called his mother. After she also failed to remove the chicken leg, it was determined that a visit to hospital was in order. I remember that after the receptionist took the details she directed them to the waiting room and told them to ‘sit over there’ and with a perfectly straight face the Mum said, ‘I think we’ll stand.’”
