35. He fell on a Glade air freshener can and it went up his butt.
“Severely obese Hispanic dude covered in prison tattoos comes in for “constipation and abdominal pain”. Gets xray of belly/pelvis ==> obvious large, cylindrical metallic object in rectum. Upon further questioning he relates a story about how he was getting out of the shower when he ‘fell on a Glade air freshener can and it went up his butt.’ He ended up needing to go to the OR for an ‘exam under anesthesia’ for removal. I will never forget the sight of the OR nurse + scrub tech each holding a leg back while the poor surgeon was elbow-deep in the dude’s rectum before she triumphantly pulled out this, but covered in poop.”
36. Why the cueball? Why not the 8-ball?
“First night working in the ER, and a guy comes in with rectal pain…lo and behold, there is a brilliant white, spherical translucency on the X-ray series we shot of his lower abdomen. The story came out—sort of. The guy admitted it was a pool ball (cueball to be exact), but claimed he tripped and fell flat on the ground, lodging the pool ball up his ass. Obviously, we didn’t believe him, but it didn’t matter—off to the floor he went to start the process of prepping for surgery. I had so many lingering questions, the least of which was why the cueball? Why not the 8-ball? Is he playing pool in a more awesome way than we could ever fathom? We may never know.” 
