Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I tell myself not to look at your page again.
It’s reassuring.
It’s sad.
It’s blurry.
It’s still full of unanswered questions.
And I will always have questions.

Most of all, I hope you remember the way I made you feel. It’s ok to forget all that I said. And to forget all that I told you. But, for me, please remember the magic of us. And remember the miracle that we were.

As a Sagittarius myself, we are very optimistic people. We are loud extroverts who can be social whenever we want to. Unfortunately, we suck at keeping secrets.

To my future boyfriend: I don’t know where you are right now, or what you are doing. But just know that, when you do show up, I’ll be all yours.

You can find your soulmate on a blind date your friends set up for you, or even just by taking a walk around your neighborhood. They are out there somewhere.

You see, love is much brighter than the sun at dawn and the moon at night. And it is more powerful than any weapon that tries to bring us down. It is the thing we all want. And the thing we all need to survive in a world that at times, can seem so pitch black.

When you can take off your clothes in front of him, in broad daylight, without an ounce of anxiety.

It’s time to put your big girl shoes on now. It’s time to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are enough. You shine without needing a diamond ring on your finger. You shine without needing to be someone else’s sun.

I wonder if she knows that
you told me once, you would never love
anyone liked you loved me.
I hope she never finds out.

Date someone who joins you dancing on top of tables. Date someone who won’t let go of the true you. And who loves you for you.

Memorize a Nicki Minaj rap.

I don’t miss you much in the large, out of scale moments. I don’t miss you in the moments that cause for celebrations, or the one’s that cause me to drink too much wine by myself. I miss you in the tiny, smaller, and softer moments.

Date someone who makes your stomach keep flipping over and over no matter how much time has passed and no matter how much life tries to get in the way.

I get to go home by myself. I get to drink all the wine from the bottle. I get to watch my favorite tv shows. I don’t have to deal with another person bugging me all the time and being in my space.

The love that you felt towards him, someday, will grow into love for someone else. And it’s not going to be another boy. It’ll grow into love for yourself.

Does he get angry when you make a date with your friends instead of him? And does he glare at you when you decide to leave his place early? Asshole. And probably psycho. ABORT.

Not only will she be your girlfriend, she will also be your best friend. She will beam at you when she sees you gazing at her across the room. She won’t let go of you when you’re hurting and won’t abandon you when you need her most. She will always be close behind you.

With all of our words spoken, our letters written, and our million “I love you’s” that we screamed, I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever hate you. I just hate that I still love you.