Thought Catalog

I’ll Never Stop Reminiscing About You

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Gabi E. Mulder
Gabi E. Mulder

You were my best friend.
You lifted me up when I couldn’t fly on my own.
You shined the flash flight so I could
see my own two feet in the dark.

You were my lifeboat.
My safety net.
My little home.
My personal cave.

I look at your face now
and your smile is soft. Genuine.
It’s almost like whoever took that photo of you
is the love of your life.


I ex out of it and tell myself
to just stop thinking.
So. I scroll backwards,
I see us.


You still have proof that we existed.
And we did, didn’t we?
We did. And you still know.

I breathe out slowly.
I feel relieved you didn’t delete me.
Maybe your new love doesn’t mind.
Maybe you already told her about my
obsession with nutella and sad lyrics.
Maybe you already told her about my
messed up heart.

I hope so.
I hope to god so.
I wish I could ask you everything.
But right now
I can’t even tell you anything.

I tell myself not to look at your page again.
It’s reassuring.
It’s sad.
It’s blurry.
It’s still full of unanswered questions.
And I will always have questions. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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Read more books in 2018…

Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

Amazon: 4.8/5 stars
Goodreads: 4.29/5 stars

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