Then I walked out the front door, and sat on the porch. Minutes later the cops are there. I figure she called them first, took a swing or two, figured they’d arrive while I was beating her.. I got lucky I didn’t catch her wrist and put a mark on it, and I got lucky she ran to the police car, told him she hit me in the face “AND HE JUST WALKED AWAY!” The officer left that time. Didn’t even speak to me, just rolled his cruiser window up and drove away. I got really lucky when she filed her restraining order, the judge actually read her complaint and threw it out. The time stamps on my letter to the court, and the court tossing my wife’s “petition for relief from domestic abuse” showed 10 minutes. He saw she was in a divorce, remembered her telling him she wasn’t, and it saved my ass. Still cost me just over 3 grand in legal fees..”no harm done” right?
I met this girl in the tail end of ’09. At the beginning everything seemed to be going well. She was kind, willing to come out and see me(she lived with her mother about 100mi away), and things seemed to be going okay. There were a few strange incidents that in hindsight should have been warning flags, but I didn’t think anything of it. Since she lived in an area where there wasn’t much in the way of work and she wanted to get on her feet, I invited her to come live with me.
The warning signs got worse. At first, it was little things. Expecting me to drop everything I was doing, even work, at the drop of the hat to suit her whims. Subtle(and later outright arguments) accusing me of cheating on her with friends of mine. Insisting on me cancelling plans with my friends in order to spend time with hers; I basically started to live her life and not my own.
Two pretty big blows hit around New Years’ 2010. Firstly, my cat, whom I took in years ago from a friend who moved out of state and couldn’t keep her, passed away in my arms. While I was crying, she started yelling at me to shut up, that she was trying to get some sleep and stalked off to the spare bedroom. A few days later I also got word that a buddy of mine on a car forum had been killed in an accident. Her response? “Sucks to be him.” By this time most other people would have kicked her to the curb, but I always saw the good in her, the kind person who would give anything to someone she cared about.
The physical abuse started not much longer after that. I would compliment her(“Hey, you look great today!”) and she would respond by slapping me, full-force. She had a strength and height advantage on me (I’m 5’10”, she was 6’2″). Additionally, my father was physically abusive to my mom, and I saw some of that when I was a kid. I’ve spent my entire life to be a completely different man than my father, and that meant not striking anyone. Not even striking back if I was hit.
She also had a habit of going into sulking fits if I didn’t give her attention at exactly the same time she wanted it. If I was distracted at all by work, a video game, or college homework, she would give me this stare of death and stalk off to the most uncomfortable places in the house. She would curl up in a corner, in the dark, and bury her head like she was crying. She wouldn’t respond to anything; asking her if she was okay would prompt her to stand up, shove me out of the way and find another dark, physically uncomfortable corner to hide in. I knew something was wrong, and I thought I could get her to at least try to open up; to at least tell me what was wrong.As she was stalking around I placed my hands on her shoulders and tried to move in to give her a hug. It wasn’t the smartest move, but I felt like i had to do something to show her I cared and wanted to help.
She grabbed my shoulders, wound her leg around mine and brutally shoved me sideways. The leg lock caused my left leg to bend at a completely unnatural angle. I heard a ‘crack’ and then felt this completely agonizing, burning pain from my left knee. As I was screaming she dropped me to the floor and walked off casually, as if nothing had happened. The pain was enough that I had to strike out against something. I had enough presence of mind to bang my fist against the washing machine next to me; the dent is still there. I was on the ground for over half an hour. I had considered calling the police, but was worried about the ramifications. Would she cry self-defense and I would be the one being hauled off to the police station? Would she do something else? What if she decided to get her hands on a knife or one of my guns?
I kept my mouth shut about this until the relationship was pretty much over. I told my folks and coworkers(I worked at the family business) that I had fallen on some ice and that I would be okay. I was even afraid to see a doctor about it. I limped along for about a week until I started getting a little better. At the same time I locked absolutely everything dangerous in my gun safe… firearms, cooking knives, everything. I had the combination and she didn’t.