23. Da fuq did I just read
I’m not sure whether this exactly fits or not but I’ll share anyway. I used to work in a bar (though we had a restaurant too) & there was a girl who used to come in Thur-Sun nights, she had greasy hair & always wore a red wrap over top without a bra which she thought showed her boobs off. (it didn’t) she came in with her Mum each of those 4 nights every week. Her Mum would then go up to lads & ask them to have a drink with her daughter ‘because she’s lovely’, sometimes they would but never stayed long. She was always nice enough to staff. One night it had been busy but was fairly quiet so I was out getting the glasses in (to give the glass collector a hand) & I overheard her telling this guy she masturbated with a mars bar & ate it. The guy made his excuses & left. The Mum who’d been watching, came over & asked what happened. The daughter said “I don’t know” to which her Mum replied “Did you tell him about the Mars bar?” & she nodded & they both wondered what went wrong. After a few months they stopped coming in. Weird as fuck!
24. Well played. Well played
Somewhat related, I helped open a chain place and the second day this couple came in and requested me. I had never seen them before in my life. They sit down and I throw out my pitch about our most expensive drinks. Fast forward 20 minutes, they’re sitting there talking and sipping their drinks when a coworker of mine comes over and occasionally flirts with me outside and at work. They ask how long we had been dating and jokingly we say we’re engaged.. They believe it.
They come in all the time after that requesting one of us then next time requesting the other. The coworker and I had actually been talking for some time and were considering dating soon until she got news that she had to move.
Fast forward a month later, she moves and the couple comes in, they ask for her and she’s not there so they throw the joke that they’ll “settle for me”. They ask where my “fiance” is and I tell them that things didn’t go as planned and that she moved back home. The couple looks very sad and says that they were sorry for what had happened. At the end of the meal I walk over to the table and they had left me a $75 dollar tip with a note saying “Sorry things didn’t go as planned, keep your head up though. You’ll find someone.”
I feel like a total dick about the whole situation but for the record.. I was really upset that she was moving back home.
25. Hey guys, don’t ever do this
I once waited on a first date, that had met online. It seemed to be going well, they had drinks and ordered their food. When I brought the food they commented on the large portions (the place I worked was an American style diner/cocktail bar in London so fair point).
When I came back for their plates, the guy comments that his date ate a lot. I kinda laughed and said something about the food being really good, so I’m not surprised. He goes “No, like.. This girl (pointing) barely chewed. She inhaled her meal. And some of mine! HAHAHA!” At that point the girl looked rather annoyed but still had a polite smile on her face.
I went to check on them a while later and the guy seems completely oblivious to the fact that his date doesn’t like his sense of humor. He orders himself a beer, and comments that whilst his date seems to loooove food, she’s not much of a drinker. At that point, the girl looks like she wants to stab the guy. She tells me they’re about ready for the bill. Guy goes, “Are you really not going to have any pudding? Are you suuuure?”
As they left I heard the girl tell him that he didn’t have to walk her to her train. He looked utterly confused.
