29. If you don’t know already, TIP YOUR WAITERS/WAITRESSES PLEASE
I used to wait tables, and I fancied myself a pretty good waiter.
One night, a couple walks in to the restaurant; the gentleman had made a reservation because it was a special evening (I’m guessing an anniversary). As I show the couple their table, the gentleman pulls me aside and again reinforces the special nature of the evening. I assure him, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” He replied, “And I’ll take care of you back.” Totally unnecessary, of course, but it’s always good to know when a patron appreciates good service.
So I took care of the guests. I put on my best waiter airs and acted as formally as possible. “Very good selection, sir.” “Would miss care for more wine?” Etc. They were loving it! And I was enjoying giving good service and making this couple feel special on their special occasion.
For the coup de grace, I brought out a dessert … free of charge. Surprise! It was a perfect way for them to cap off their special evening.
When he paid, though, he left a $5 tip … on a $100 bill.
As the couple approached the exit, I went up to the gentleman and pulled him aside. “Excuse me, sir. Was there anything wrong with the meal?” I asked. “No, no. It was all good, man,” he replied and turned to leave. But his girlfriend was in earshot and she understood what was going on.
“Why? How much did he leave?” She asked. Not wanting to be gauche, I just looked at her and shrugged. She saw the check in my hand and grabbed it and opened it up. Her eyes went wide.
“You cheap-ass motherfucker. What is wrong with you?” She asked him. “Here. Take this, I’m terribly sorry.” She pulled a $20 out of her purse and handed it to me, then went back to berating her man as they left the restaurant. Yep. I ruined their anniversary, and I did it on purpose.
30. The glory of online dating
I used to work at Bennigans and one Sunday afternoon in strolls a fat ginger girl wearing scrubs (Found out later not in the medical profession) and an average looking guy. From the get go this girl was completely ridiculous ordering everything with ranch dressing and snapping her fingers in the air and yelling “Server” when she wanted my attention. Needless to say the guy had no idea what he was in for. Around 20 minutes after they had sat down I was checking out another table when the guy runs up to me and asks to promptly be checked out. I hand him the tab for $38 and he quickly hands me $60 and his exiting phrase I found priceless. “So I met this girl online and she looks completely nothing like her picture.. I could let that part go but I’ve also discovered she’s fat, and a cunt so I’m gonna get the hell out of here before she gets back”. While he was leaving the front doors I noticed she was just returning from the restroom. When she discovered he was driving out of the parking lot (Front windows could see the parking lot) She proceeded to throw a complete tantrum and demand I box her food for her. Once the food was boxed she waddled her scrubs out of Bennigans leaving nothing but a table covered with spilled ranch dressing. The kind of mess you’d expect to see a group of 7 year olds leave.
