I Want To Snuggle With You

Make a joke after a few moments of peace, one of those jokes that isn’t funny because of its sharp wit, but funny because it’s a comment on our current state, designed to make both of us ease further into the bubble of each other that we’re currently floating in. You could say something about how I’m as pale as the sheets, or how your pet is staring at us from the corner, or how the lady upstairs is walking like an elephant. And we’ll laugh together.

What Life Must Be Like For A Pretty Girl

All the pretty girls went to the same sleepovers and told the same secrets and wore the same make up. They talked about the cute boys in their grade, the boys they knew could be theirs if they wanted them. They were starting to understand what having a beautiful face meant and they were starting to use it in the way society taught them.

5 Legitimate Reasons To Get Drunk

Okay, I love getting drunk with someone I’m dating, especially if it’s at a house party or something. You can go and be your social drunk self, all while knowing that you have someone to go home with at the end of the night. There’s no pressure!

4 Jobs To Take If You Hate Humanity

You learn the procedures, you become familiar with how the different coffee tastes and what it mixes well with. It’s not some magical set of spells and incantations that you learn over high-moon ceremonies as you sacrifice a chicken with your shift manager–it’s making god damn espresso.

A Checklist For The Age 19

Arrive at realizations that everyone else has already reached, crude truisms you’d idealistically dismissed or ignored. Money is power, pretty is good, sexism is the status quo. Adults don’t know what they’re doing, most mistakes matter, and you will never be cool.

10 Things That Happen In A Lesbian Relationship

In a relationship, it is almost guaranteed that you will get fat and happy. You will lie contentedly in her arms on your plush couch among your eclectic throw pillows and reflect on how lucky you are. You will order in and eat out. In a spirit of domestic goddess-osity, you will attempt to cook dinner from scratch, which will of course result in half the kitchen on fire and subsequent takeout from the Chinese bistro down the street.

Why Hooking Up With Girls Who Have Boyfriends Never Pays Off

“Scott,” he says. “I know Bill has been playing every single minute for us for the past year-and-a-half, since right after that fall formal, you know, when he came up to me at the punch bowl and started rubbing my back and said, ‘Why don’t you give me a shot at the title, coach?’ But you know what? You’re going in there the second half. Thing is, though, you can’t tell Bill.”

10 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Seriously Gay

He has feelings. When you’re upset about something, he actually has the audacity to ask if you’re okay. Between sobs, you want to tell him that it’s not his job to care. He’s required to be incredulous about your emotions 24/7. There’s supposed to be comic misunderstandings, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, etc.

Things I Feel When I Miss You: An Open Letter To My Friends

I remember when we met. We were 6 years old and climbing trees; we were 13 years old and discovering boys; we were 18 years old and starting university, we were 22 years old and falling in love for the first time: whenever, no matter, we were just kids then. We still are, but when we met your eyes were definitely sparkling; I know because that’s what I remember most about meeting you.

How To Define Your Ambiguous Relationship

Worry that your relationship lacks definition because you are vastly over-invested (you are) (this is the most clarity and insight you will have throughout this whole situation). Spend more time being concerned that things aren’t going to pan out the way you want them to than actually doing anything to cause them to pan out the way you want them to…

Why Birthdays Are So Depressing

Am I seriously having a Sixteen Candles moment? Thank God I don’t care about my birthday because I would be really bummed right now if I did. I’m so happy that I’m immune to societal pressures and don’t care about my age or my future or anything for that mater! So very glad.

The 5 Stages Of Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Why on earth does one person own four different toothbrushes, all of which need to be replaced? Why are there quarters and dimes and nickels and pennies on the floor, in the cupboards and behind the toilet? Why doesn’t that half-eaten melted sticky tub of ice cream sitting on the kitchen counter bother him as much as it bothers you?

In Defense Of Period Sex

And I know, guy, that you don’t get your period (although sometimes you’re as annoyingly moody as if you did), so let me lay it down for you in a way you can understand. See, blood does not spray out of a woman’s vagina in a heavy stream when she’s got her period. Her vagina is not an open tap.

Things You Must Stop Doing Once You Turn 25

When I turn 25, I should stop being shocked by the fact that my peers are getting married. Proclaiming yourself husband and wife in your mid-twenties doesn’t completely read as a colossal mistake. It’s more of like a 30% mistake and 70% “Oh my god, young married couple. That’s kind of cute!”

Brief Letters To My Mom

Brief Letters To My Mom

Why’d you leave me with your crazy sister when you went into labor? She let me drink orange juice and milk at the same time and I threw up everywhere, now I’m scared. Come back soon.