Lorenzo Jensen III

“When you get tattoos of each other’s names.”

“My family owned black slaves. We’re Native American.”

“When she masturbates with the pinkie finger raised.”

“What it’s like to have to sit there and stew on top of the huge glob of chunky blood that just came out of you.”

“Went out to the garage and found my husband. He had hanged himself.”

“Our son is not his, but his brother’s.”

“Being afraid to do non-masculine things because it makes them ‘gay.'”

“Lugging around purses that weigh more than a newborn.”

“The guy runs off and they don’t think too much of it. Sometime later my Grandma sees the guy on the news and it’s Richard Ramirez.”

“I pulled a chair out from under a boy I liked in the second grade. He cried.”

“He thought cheese grew on trees.”

“Women are not vending machines that you can drop kindness coins into until sex falls out.”

“He was rumored to have been caught in his backyard by his older brother having sex with a watermelon.”

“We stood there in a lake of blood watching a man pull his guts from himself.”

“You will end up alone.” —Heard this today.

“Out of the pitch black we heard something SCREAMING.”

“Don’t threaten to kill his cat if he cheats on you.”

“Women who look like they hate me. Like, obviously I don’t want them to actually hate me, but resting bitch face just does it for me.”