Thought Catalog

40 Surefire Signs Your Relationship Is Doomed

  • 0
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. When you move in together after knowing each other for two weeks.

“When they move in together after knowing each other for two weeks.”

caffeinated_terrier


2. When you get tattoos of each other’s names.

“Getting tattoos of each other’s names, seems like.”

MarmeladeFuzz


3. When they try to cut you off from your friends.

“When they try to cut you off from your friends.”

JudiSchlueter


4. When there’s a huge difference in intelligence between the two of you.

“Huge difference in intelligence between the parties.”

SteBishop


5. When it’s long-distance.

“When it’s long-distance.”

that_townie


6. When you have little in common.

“Little in common, big stuff or small. In early dating, differences can be charming and exciting, but, over time, it takes a lot in common, from hobbies and money and values and outlooks and temperament, to stick together. Opposites attract but they don’t stick together IME.”

abqkat


7. When you bite your tongue because you’re afraid you’ll upset them.

“You bite your tongue because you’re afraid you’ll upset them. Never avoid a topic because of that, it’ll just fester and hide something more important.”

sblahful


8. When your partner looks like they don’t give a fuck about you.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. When your partner looks like they DGAF about you, that’s a bad sign.”

Offthepoint


9. When everything is everybody else’s fault.

“When everything is everybody else’s fault. A person who is unwilling to accept personal responsibility in life is not ready for a partner they’ll have to learn compromise and acceptance with.”

ChikkaChiChi


10. When seeing them feels like a chore.

“Seeing them weighs more as a chore rather than something to look forward to.”

ManInBlack5000


11. When there are lots of arguments over little things.

“Lots of arguments over little things. Feeling relieved when you’re no longer around the person.”

jordanair45


12. When you can’t disagree without it turning into a full-blown fight.

“Not knowing how to argue correctly. If you can’t disagree without it turning into a full-blown fight, things are not going to last too long.”

LooksSuspicious


13. When you can’t compromise.

“Inability to compromise when issues arise. It’s healthier to be flexible.”

BettyCoup


14. When people can’t talk openly about what they feel.

“When people can’t talk openly about what they feel. It’s a frequent issue in early relationships when one or more of the people is too touchy, or too afraid, or can’t trust even when shown reasons to.

Simply put: If you can’t communicate, you won’t last.”

DracheGraethe


15. When there’s no trust on either side.

“Lack of trust on either side. Manipulation from either side.”

switchondem


16. When you have a joint Facebook profile.

“Joint Facebook profile.”

robingallup


17. When one person is more obsessed with the other.

“When one person is more obsessed with the other. Now…in a relationship someone is going to fall in love faster than the other. That’s just how it works. Someone becomes attached sooner, someone wants to move to the next level sooner and so on.

HOWEVER, what’s important to realize is the ratio. If it’s about a 60/40 or even 70/30, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean it’s bad… but when it’s a 90/10 like I was with this one girl I fell head over stupid for, it means your obsessing over them and they’ve only barely gotten to know you. When this happens, slow your roll. In fact, throw on the fucking brakes and reevaluate what you’re doing. You may come to the unfortunate realization and conclusion as I did…that you need to call it off and take time for yourself.”

GoingCamaro


18. When you can’t travel together without fighting.

“I think a good test for relationships is the ability to travel together. And I don’t mean for just a few days, but at least a couple of weeks. Forcing each other out of your comfort zones and seeing how you react and treat one another, as well as others, is a pretty good indication for me.”

_unsolicited_advisor


19. When everything the other one says gets misinterpreted or taken as an attack/challenge.

“Your communication styles simply don’t align. When everything the other one says gets misinterpreted or taken as an attack/challenge, get out. Maybe they are attacks or challenges, but especially if you learn that they’re not, this is a situation that can only get worse.”

rainbowbarfff


20. When the couple posts EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Online.

“People that post EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Online.

-We went to the movies

-He made me food for dinner

-He bought me coffee when I was tired and studying

-(Pic of candy) MY BOYFRIEND IS BETTER THAN YOURS

-(pic of a dress) MY BOYFRIEND IS BETTER THAN YOURS, SURPRISE DATE NIGHT!

-OMG ITS OUR 3 MONTH AND 14 DAY ANNIVERSARY

I’ve seen way too many of these, then all of a sudden they stop posting since they broke up or got divorced.”

red_kirby1


21. When you have literally nothing to talk about.

“If you guys have literally nothing to talk about. Had a boyfriend who ‘loved hearing me talk.’ That was great but dude I don’t know anything about you. You won’t tell me.

Anyways turned out I was gay so there were multiple reasons we split.”

LynnisaMystery


22. When you can’t compromise.

“A big sign is, when confronted, a person will never admit fault, be able to apologize and will simply excuse their behavior. In my marriage, and advice I will often share to people is this: When you inevitably argue, don’t simply try to win the argument, because you will inevitably wear your spouse down. Be willing to apologize, empathize and compromise. That will lead to a long relationship, otherwise it’s just two people trying to one up each other.”

Karski


23. When one partner had recently been cheated on in a previous relationship.

“One partner having recently been cheated on (by a previous partner). They’ve likely got too many trust issues to function properly in a relationship, at least for a while. They need time to heal.”

blindedbythesight


24. When one or both of you is overly jealous.

“Overly jealous, like to the point where you can’t hang out with other people.”

-eDgAR-


25. When they hide you from their friends or family.

“If they hesitate to introduce you to their friends or families for a ridiculously long time—or insist that you keep their relationship a secret. If they are not ashamed of you, then they are cheating or have commitment issues.

I would say if they keep you a secret from every single important person in their life without any good reason for that, it is a massive red flag.

I come from a conservative culture too, so I would be comfortable introducing my SO to my family until we were fairly serious. However, I also see a number of people from similar culture as mine play their SO’s by building a life with them in secret, and then ditching them when push comes to shove about acknowledging them as their partners to their families.”

datrandomgal


26. When your partner makes fun of you publicly and privately.

“Some easily overlooked signs:

1) Making fun of you, publicly and privately. It may seem innocent but it will dig right under your skin and stay there, causing one to become very sensitive to the jabs. When this person becomes flustered and admits they are hurt, the manipulator may deflect blame and gaslight, saying they are just kidding. Really, it’s a very effective tactic to groom the other into subordination.

2) Like I just mentioned, gas lighting. You may not be able to detect it but trust your intuition if your partner continually makes you feel like your wrong or crazy. Your subconscious is telling you something. It starts subtle and grows into parasitic manipulation. The power trip can feed the perp.

3) Sharing finances (credit cards) and not finding importance in contributing to bills in a timely matter.”

Caserole


27. When you send screen captures of your arguments and send them to friends.

“• Arguing badly within one month

• Staying at your parents to cool off

• Going to sleep in different beds

• Not texting him on purpose because you’re upset

• Print screening arguments and sending them to their friends

I know someone who does all of these. Their relationship is doomed, the only two people who can’t see it are these two people.”

amazingoomoo


28. When you’re constantly asking your friends for advice about your latest argument.

“If you’re constantly (at least once a week) asking your friends for advice on the latest ‘ugh’-worthy thing your SO has done, it may be time to rethink things.

If you dread bringing up anything that’s bothering you for fear of starting a fight.

If you feel the need to check his or her phone when they are in the bathroom.

If you find yourself making excuses for your SO to your friends and family.

If you find yourself working on your SO like a project, i.e. trying to fix their flaws so that you can have a peaceful relationship.”

Djeter998


29. When one or both of you has a look of contempt when the other speaks.

“If one (or both) partner has a look of contempt when the other speaks, the relationship most likely has no hope. You may be able to lie to others and even yourself about feelings, but the wrinkled nose and curled lip of disgust, disapproval, and disdain are such deep attitudes it may be impossible to overcome.”

vonbuxter


30. When your partner takes pleasure in your failures or talks down to you.

“Partner takes pleasure in your failures or talks down to you.”

stomp_right_now


31. When your partner gas lights you.

“Gas lighting. Had this happen to me, everything became my fault even though he was the one lying and stealing.”

shotgunsjd


32. When you dread being with your partner.

“Had a long term relationship with someone that all of my friends told me (after it ended) that it was a failure.

These are the three that really commented how bad the relationship was:

Dreading being with the person. Especially being on edge all of the time around them.

Never feeling like you can get anywhere in a debate argument or just plain talking with them. Not that you can’t ‘win’ but that you should never even put forth your point of view because it will be ignored or vigorously fought / shot down.

Feeling like you are never EVER on the ‘same page.’

Arguments and fights are perfectly normal and even natural in a relationship. Some people thrive on bickering. But there is a difference between bickering and outright dreading even bring up a touchy situation with someone that is supposed to love you. There needs to be compromise of some sort (even in the smallest degree).”

solidad


33. When you break up and get back together more than one time.

“Any of these:

• Breaking up and getting back together more than one time.

• Yells at the other person for little things

• Vastly different political views or world views

• Vastly different levels of wealth/privilege growing up

• Makes other person cry somewhat often

• Bad communicators

• People who are with someone but keep talking to other possible hookups just in case

• Couples that only see each other on weekends.”

djs758


34. When one person changes themselves completely for the other person.

“When one person changes themselves completely for the other person. Like my former best friend who always found football stupid and didn’t care about it, and one day I stalk her Facebook as usual and suddenly her Facebook profile photo was her wearing a fan scarf, a fan hat, the slogan of the team at the bottom of the picture, the club emblem in one corner and next to her new boyfriend who apparently was a football fan, too, and the cover photo was about the football club as well. I just looked her up again and unsurprisingly, she’s single and all traces of her being a football fan are gone (apart from a cover photo she once used that’s still visible in her Facebook feed).

If someone ditches their whole personality to be 100% like their partner, that’s very unhealthy and not a good sign.”

alayne_


35. When it’s a younger girl with an older man.

“~18-year-old girl with 25+ year-old man. I’m not saying it won’t last ever, but it’s like 98% in my experience. None of them seem to last more than a few years period.”

naphthoylindole


36. When your partner asks to go through your phone because you can’t be trusted.

“When your partner asks to go through your phone because you can’t be trusted. My ex looked over my shoulder to see my password, waited for me to fall asleep, read my texts and all my emails and then woke me up at 2am when I had to be up at 5am and I got chewed out for still being civil to my ex.”

TacticalCanine


37. When you make subtle little jabs at each other in front of friends.

“As an outsider looking in, when I’m hanging out with another couple, and they’re making subtle little jabs at each other, but playing it off like they’re joking, when you can tell they’re really not. If their arguing is now invading their time with their friends, we’re looking at a timeline of weeks before the breakup happens.”

godrestsinreason


38. When there’s nothing beyond intense sexual chemistry.

“Intense sexual chemistry and not much else.”

TheBlackTriangle


39. When a partner wants to argue for the sake of arguing.

“When a partner wants to argue for the sake of arguing. When it’s more important to ‘win’ the argument rather than resolve it. When they don’t even hear the other side of the argument except to find fault. When a partner would rather argue than allow the other person to sleep, who has to get up for work in two hours.”

NeedSerenity


40. When only one is a vegan.

“One is a vegan, the other likes to hunt.”

PennyLisa TC mark

Read This

More from Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog Videos