1. He shoved a screw in a kid’s eyeball and said, ‘I’m-a make you a pirate.’
“I had a neighbor who was a CO at a juvenile prison in my city. There was a new kid at the prison one day, he was apparently very shy and very quiet. He had the misfortune of sharing a cell with one of the more violent inmates. His second night there, his cellmate unscrewed a screw from a bench, and sat on his bed in the middle of the night. When he woke up, he said ‘I’m-a make you a pirate,’ and shoved the screw into the new kid’s eye. My neighbor was the first CO to respond to the kid’s calls for help. When asked why he shoved a screw in the new kid’s eye, he claimed that he looked at him the wrong way. That’s a pretty fucked-up situation if you ask me, and not one I’d like to deal with under any circumstances.
2. During a strip search an inmate used his hands to make his butt cheeks say, ‘excuse me sir, but do you have a breath mint?’
“During a strip search an inmate used his hands to make his butt cheeks say, ‘excuse me sir, but do you have a breath mint?’”
3. Every time this guy breathed his whole fucking face was moving in and out because it was crushed so severely.
“I worked at a level 5 prison (with level 3 mental health)…we had a guy in a mental health building and all the other inmates swore he was an informant for the warden, so the other guys proceeded to beat this guy with a broken broomstick, they beat his face so bad that they crushed most of his bone structure in his face and his left eye popped out, now this may not sound so bad at first, but what ended up fucking with me was when I transported this guy to the hospital every time this guy breathed his whole fucking face was moving in and out because it was crushed so severely.”
4. Inmate taking a dump, grabbing it, examining it, then eating it like a Snickers bar.
“Inmate taking a dump, grabbing it, examining it, then eating it like a Snickers bar.”
5. Watched one inmate eat his cellie’s liver after killing him.
“Federal Correctional Officer here….Watched one inmate eat his cellie’s liver after killing him.”
6. A complete hot dog shot out of this prisoner’s ass.
“When I worked corrections in the military we would strip search the prisoners who worked in the chow hall after they’d finished their shift. This one specific time, when we got to the turnaround squat and cough part, a complete hot dog shot out of this prisoner’s ass. Before we could do anything he picked it up and scarfed it down.”
7. The shank broke, so they put a pen in his ear and stomped on it.
“From when my dad was a guard: Two prisoners trying to kill a third prisoner. The shank broke, so they put a pen in his ear and stomped on it. It came out his mouth and he lived.
8. Inmate was raped so much he could no longer control his bowel movements.
“Worked for a State prison in Louisiana for 5 years. A few highlights:
• Inmate ripped his own colostomy bag out in the shower, which resulted in his death.
• Inmate attempted suicide by cutting his own jugular vein. Lived because of the officer’s training.
• Inmate attempted to cut his own penis off because he no longer wanted to be a male. Changed his mind halfway through after pain became too much.
• Inmate heated coffee and baby oil in cup for several minutes, then threw in dorm officer’s face. I will never forget the screams of the officer, who unfortunately lost his eye.
• Inmate was raped so much he could no longer control his bowel movements.”
9. An inmate pulled chicken bones out of his urethra.
“I’m a C/O at a max prison. I’ve seen an inmate lick his own shit off his walls, I’ve seen an inmate cut up where his cell floor was covered in blood (they will dilute it in water to make it look like there is more blood than there is, the inmate lived) and I’ve seen an inmate hog-tie his cellie and put a plastic bag on his head and then put his property box on top of his head (inmate survived). Guys I’ve worked with have seen worse, like an inmate ripping open his guts, an inmate pulling chicken bones out of his urethra, and of course inmates who have successfully hung themselves or got beat to death by their cellie.”
10. ‘Hey, don’t you live on [my exact address] and your wife’s name is [my wife’s name]?’
“I used to work as a prison guard on Riker’s Island, I remember one experience that really sent a shiver down my spine, still does actually.
This was when I was a bit of a novice, I had sort of an idea it would be hard, but I didn’t really know how hard.
I was passing out pieces of chicken to the inmates, I handed a piece to this tall skinny guy and he still had his hand out,
‘Give me another one.’
I figured he was trying to test my limits since I was the newest guard, so of course I told him no because I didn’t think I should send the message I could be pushed around. So, I told him no. He got kind of mad, but for the time being he cooperated.
A couple days later, that same guy motioned for me to come over.
‘Hey, don’t you live on [my exact address] and your wife’s name is [my wife’s name]?’
I was stunned for a second there, I still have no idea how he found that out.
‘You know, a little extra chicken is nice once in a while…’
Also, there was this time during a prison fight I saw a dude casually spit out a makeshift knife, catch it midair, and give the nearest inmate a telephone cut.”
11. She had a miscarriage into the toilet and smeared the afterbirth all over the cell door.
“When I used to work in the jail, I initially thought people covering themselves and their cells in feces was as bad as it ever got.
Then one of the inmates in my partner’s cell block had a miscarriage into the toilet and smeared the afterbirth all over the cell door.
Suddenly, a Poocasso doesn’t seem all that bad.”
12. He fucked him so hard, his eyeball popped out of his head.
“I don’t work corrections but I still respond to local jails to complete assessments for inmates on suicide watch. Arrived just in time for sheriffs to locate a dead inmate with one eyeball popped out of his head. After watching security footage they discovered another inmate was choking him while they were fucking and the guy killed him on accident. Fucked his eyeball out.”
13. He’d been sexually assaulted with some sort of instrument and they tried to cut his dick off.
“I’m not but my friend used to be. He left, it got too much. He worked in the highest category prison where there were rapists, murderers, kiddy fiddlers—the worst of the worst. He told loads of stories but the one that sticks with me was the time an inmate who was in prison for child abuse called for help to see a doctor. The guards asked why and he wouldn’t say so they said no. He kept on calling and asking and they kept on asking why and he wouldn’t answer so they kept saying no until he got real desperate. He didn’t say anything he was just curled up on his bed when he lifted the sheets up and there was blood everywhere. He’d been sexually assaulted with some sort of instrument and they tried to cut his dick off. Brutal. He also said that sex between the male inmates is not viewed as gay which I thought was interesting.”
14. This child molester would cut out the boy’s faces from the Boy Scouts magazine and paste them onto the bodies of the girls from the Playboy, then hang them on his wall.
“There was this sex offender we had, who was in for child molestation, who received the Boy Scouts magazine and Playboy. He would cut out the boy’s faces from the Boy Scouts magazine and paste them onto the bodies of the girls from the Playboy, then hang them on his wall.”
15. Guy sculpted a parrot out of his own poo. He would place it on his shoulder and talk to it all the time.
“Guy sculpted a parrot out of his own poo. He would place it on his shoulder and talk to it all the time. After 3 days the smell was unbearable. On the fourth day, he refused to come out of his cell for a shakedown. He kept threatening to kill his parrot if we came in his cell. The second we opened the door to extract him, he grabs the poo parrot off his shoulder and bites the head off and chews it. That is probably the craziest/nastiest thing I’ve seen.”
16. He tried to kill himself by cutting his wrists and just making a blood ocean in the bottom of his cell.
“CO here! The very worst part about the entire job is how eventually nothing fazes you anymore….Like the guy who tried to kill himself by cutting his wrists and just making a blood ocean in the bottom of his cell. It’s amazing how much blood a human can lose and still put up a fight against those who come in to save him.”
17. That’s what he ate. Rotten soup.
“I go by his cell and notice this foul smell. I pull him out and lock him another spot. I go in his cell and his sink has got this rotten, disgusting liquid inside of it…filled all the way up, with his ass toy of a spoon next to his sink. His entire cell smelt HORRIBLE. Later on, come to find out all his food he was served to him (since he’s in seg, his trays are brought to him), he dumped in his sink, filled it up with water and let it ferment. That’s what he ate. Rotten soup. And use the spoon he shoved up his ass for masturbation to eat it with. And the ingredients were rotten, disgusting old food.
I could probably think of some more if more people show interest.”
19. Watched a guy disembowel himself for diamonds then fight me with intestines hanging out his ass.
“I worked county corrections for a decade and I’ve seen some truly disturbing shit. A few that stuck with me are:
Had a mentally ill man get arrested and brought into our facility. He was saying some pretty off the wall things so the Sergeant had us strip him down to his birthday suit and place him in the padded cell so he couldn’t harm himself. Fast forward a couple hours and this guy’s mental state, combined with the drugs he used, was rapidly deteriorating and becoming incredibly violent.
This guy suddenly believes he has diamonds embedded in his colon. He believes if he can get them out, he can bribe us with the diamonds and we will set him free. Slowly but surely this guy starts shoving his hand up his ass. We are well into night shift and don’t have the staff to do an extraction, so we call for backup from the street deputies. Backup is 30 minutes out.
This guy manages to get his entire fist into his ass halfway up to the forearm. He then rips his hand out really fast. Following his hand was a torrent of blood and shit. He immediately shoves his hand right back up and pulls out again, increasing the amount of blood and shit spraying out his ass. He repeatedly does this while backup arrives and gets suited up into PPE. Extraction plans are laid out for a forcible removal to the hospital, EMS units are on standby.
While everyone is stacking up on the door this guy goes for the gold. He goes deeper and with a final Hail Mary pulls for all its worth. Outcomes his hand with a large piece of flesh in it, following that was a large pile of his innards. With a gut pile laying on the floor and intestines running from the pile back into his ass, we enter the cell.
The guy starts fighting us. We manage to pin him to the floor and restrain him. Every one of us is covered in this guy’s shit and blood. His ass is still bleeding like a spigot. EMS staff comes in and puts his guts in a bucket, doctor had came in and forced him under with a sedative. EMS put him on a gurney, put the bucket of guts on top of his stomach and hauled him off to the hospital. Guy ended up surviving with a one-way ticket to the state hospital (mental ward).
Watched a guy kill and eat his cell mate once as well. I have others but this is probably the topper.
TLDR: Watched a guy disembowel himself for diamonds then fight me with intestines hanging out his ass.”
20. Put a canned ham in a sock, packed it full of ice, and proceeded to beat the man’s eye out its socket.
“Started working Corrections in 2001 here some stories…
First night on duty had an inmate find out another was a convicted child rapist. Put a canned ham in a sock, packed it full of ice, and proceeded to beat the man’s eye out its socket…so there I am out of training holding a man’s eye in his head waiting for the nurses to show up.
My second month had an inmate have a massive heart attack and die…performed CPR for over 45 minutes until the squad showed up.
Had an inmate segregated ’cause he was 10-96 (crazy) liked to chew his own shit…place it in an empty toothpaste tube and stomp on it when you walked passed doing rounds.
Had an inmate transferred in from another state…when he got off the transportation bus he was sweating very hard…it was winter so it was odd. We dry-celled him for about 20 minutes…we hear this dull thunk in the bucket and he came to the door looking relieved and said I’m done. Removed the inmate and the bucket from the cell…inside was a capped metal pipe about 7-8 inches long…it contained three saw blades, a cuff key, to razor blades and a shank.
The facility I worked at had a riot…burned the administrative building, canteen, kitchen, mail room, record room, and laundry. Took us 8-9 hours to regain control of the facility. I was slapped with institutional need and spent 2 weeks locked in a pod, sleeping in a bunk, showering in a day room and eating bag lunches.
I left after the riot, had some PTSD issues but it’s all gone full circle I now am a Deputy Sheriff….”
21. She said there was blood and brain matter all over the floor and the guy was still alive with his head half open and smashed to pieces.
“I must admit this was one of my old University Campus Security guards when I was in halls, not me personally.
She told me that she used to work in a British prison, and there was a new, young guy who had just started working there. Basically he pissed off one of the huge, muscular prisoners and the prisoner held a grudge, so at one point the guard was on his own and the prisoner pushed him over. When he was on the floor, the prisoner basically stamped on his head a few times before he could be restrained. The woman I knew was one of the first guards there to deal with it all and she said there was blood and brain matter all over the floor and the guy was still alive with his head half open and smashed to pieces. The young security guard actually lived, but he was a vegetable after that.”
22. Inmate killed a guy and carved runes on his back while muttering about demons.
“In the general population area (called MB – Main Building) there is a transient wing called D1. Its for inmates that are temporarily assigned to the unit for various reasons but usually for medical. This unit also has a regional medical facility. In one of the cells is an inmate that had some physiological issues. We (the guards) never paid much attention to him but he always talked to himself. It was basically gibberish and didn’t make much sense. One night I was working in a different area but I got a call on the radio ‘Flash Flash Flash, Offender in need of emergency medical care….’ That was the initiation of ICS and usually meant there was a problem, usually a fight or severe injury. Turns out this was a murder and I swear this is something out of True Detective. There was in inmate face down in his bunk tied up with bed sheets dead with blood everywhere. The dead inmate was shirtless and had runes carved into his back. The other inmate was curled into a ball muttering demons, demons… It turns out the dead inmate wasn’t dead but really close to it. He was sent out on a 911 call and later died at the hospital. As for the murderer, no one could get a motive. One of the neighboring cellmates said he heard everything and described all the screams and the inmate saying the demons are coming….”
23. I searched the warehouse and found 14 shanks with my name on them.
“I was a CO in a maximum-security prison for seven years….[T]here were five inmates with life sentences on a prisoner work crew that I supervised that were planning an escape. One of my confidential informants calmly walked into my office one day and told me that they planned on killing me in order to escape. That night I searched the warehouse and found 14 shanks with my name on them. We got all the bad guys in the end, no one got hurt.”
24. He sawed off his dick and winged it out into the housing unit.
“I’m not a CO but my dad was, one of his favorite work stories of mine was about an inmate they had named ‘Count Wacky.’ The Count got his name from converting anything he could into a cape, and being batshit crazy. He had a frequent habit of hoarding his (and whoever else would give it to him) waste, then barricading himself in his cell and spraying n it out the door to whomever he could hit. He did it so often the staff had just gotten used to it, they’d label splash zones and stay away from them until he’d grow sick of it. One of the other inmates cornered my dad one day saying ‘We’re all sick of Wacky’s shit man, what is it gonna take for you guys to go shut that shit down???’ Right after finishing that question something bounced off dude’s shoulder and landed betwixt his and my father’s shoes. It was the counts dick, nobody listened to him so he survival sawed his dick off with floss, then winged it out into the housing unit. After they both had a realization of what was laying on the floor, my dad told the guy, ‘I think this is enough right here’ while bagging the counts wiener for evidence/attempted reconstruction. I keep telling my pops to write a book.”
25. They removed several thousand staples from his body.
“Not a guard but a psychologist in a prison. There was a prisoner who would put staples in his skin and just under his skin. On day he had an infection and took him to the emergency room where they removed several thousand staples from his body.”
26. We stood there in a lake of blood watching a man pull his guts from himself.
“The worst thing I have ever encountered was an incident that still haunts me today. Before I start, I’d like to just quickly give you a rundown on our count procedures. We run our evening meal around 4:10 pm every day. After the offenders leave the mess hall they are escorted back to their housing unit followed by a facility master count. One part of my specific job duty in my facility is to run the evening meal in our second mess hall. After the meal had ended I was counting the plastic ware when all of a sudden my radio chirps to life. It was my area Sergeant calling for me but I could immediately tell by his tone that something was wrong. I quickly lock up my plastic ware and call him on the phone. In a surprisingly frantic voice, he asks me if I had seen a specific offender during the evening meal. This offender used to work with me in my area so I knew him well. He always ate chow and I realized that I did not, in fact, see him today. My Sergeant informs me that he is missing….. I tell him that he works in our industry building and so my sergeant tells me to grab my Roundsman keys and search that area. I run down the hallways to the front of the facility where our equipment is kept, I grab my two massive key rings and dash down the hallways a second time towards the yard. On my way outside I pass another officer and he asks me what’s going on. I simply just look at him and tell him, ‘We’re missing one’ my fellow officer joins me and we head over to the industry building. As I unlock the front door to the dark industrial type building we are hit with the strongest smell of copper/metal and immediately recognize the familiar scent of blood. Two other officers now arrive on the scene as we all round the corner the floor is completely covered in a flowing river of blood. We aim our flashlights and see a body lying in one of the trough sinks. He is shirtless and motionless the only sound is the clanging of old heating pipes and the running hot water overflowing from the sink the offender is laying in. We call over the radio for medical and request an ambulance when all of a sudden the man we presumed dead sits up from his bloody bath and raises his left arm, we can see that he had cut his wrist to the bone. He looks at us and says, ‘You guys are about to see some weird shit’ that is when we see his right hand is physically in his stomach and he starts pulling out his intestines. Horrified we all stood in silence, seconds felt like an eternity as we stood there in a lake of blood watching a man pull his guts from himself. We calmly tell him to stop, that help is on the way and we ask him who did this? He simply responds, ‘I did this to myself, I have to get the orb out of me’ one of the officers with us finally manages to find the breaker for the lights and that’s when the whole picture of carnage can be seen. Blood everywhere. handprints, smears, overflowing blood water covering the majority of the floor we also notice he had stabbed himself in the neck. We manage to get him to stop removing the rest of his intestines, we remove the clogged drain and take out the scrap metal he used to hurt himself. we wrap him in blankets so that his intestines don’t fall on the floor when we transfer him to a gurney… the Ambulance arrives and we can hear the helicopter zoom overhead to the landing pad across the street. Because of our quick action, we managed to save his life but that kind of trauma will be with me for the rest of my career. It’s something I don’t ever wish to see again.”
27. He held a bloody hand up to his window holding his testicle.
“My state max facility where I worked also employed our only holding cells for the mentally ill. One evening I received a doorbell in the bubble (working the doors), so I activated the cell light to see what the inmate needed. He held a bloody hand up to his window holding his testicle. I sent COs to respond and called medical. Apparently he decided he didn’t want his testicles anymore and had smuggled in a shower razor and sawed them out. He flushed them before they got to the cell. I heard from a friend that worked there that he finished the job about a year later and took off the rest of his penis.”
28. You can’t un-see a penis with a plastic spoon handle in it.
“Crazy inmates who self-mutilate their genitals is pretty tough to deal with. You can’t un-see a penis with a plastic spoon handle in it.”
29. A 12-inch dildo made of melted Jolly Ranchers was hanging out of his ass.
“C/O here. 13 years on the job. I could tell you all the gory details about different fights and what not but one thing that really stuck out in my mind is the time I did a cell search and found a 12-inch dildo made out of melted Jolly Ranchers (They can buy candy at the canteen) He made a mold and melted the jolly rancher candies in his hot pot. This particular inmate had to have his cell searched often because this dude was always up to something. He also made another dildo out of a towel tightly wrapped up in plastic wrap (stole it from the kitchen). Fucked-up thing is we found it while doing a strip search. This fucking this was over 12 inches long and the end of it was hanging out of his ass. We told him to take it out and had to take pictures of it for a write up. All brown and covered in shit. I gagged and nearly threw up. This guy liked to dress like a woman as much as possible. He would make makeup out of all kinds of things. Like kool aid mix and such. He often smuggled items in his ass when he got sent to lockup. He was known to smuggle razors in his asshole so he could shave his legs with it. Razors are not allowed in lock up units.”
30. He cut his penis off because the Devil would come to him at night and have sex with him and he wanted it to stop.
“Worked Max Security mental health, came across a room with blood coming out from under the door. Resident had taken floss, tied it around his penis and was cutting it off with a blade he took out of his razor. We were doing checks he only had the razor about 5 minutes, he had sliced it 3/4th the way off.
Said he was cutting it off because the Devil would come to him at night and have sex with him and he wanted it to stop….
Same guy months later sat with me and described in detail when he killed his gf, cut her up and boiled her head. While I already knew all this, hearing it come from the person was surreal as hell.”
31. One guy poured boiling chemicals and Vaseline on a guy’s face while he slept.
“So I was standing on the yard one day monitoring movement when someone called a fight in building 1 so, being a yard officer I run to respond. As I entered the building I saw the floor officer, newly certified and a counselor yelling at 2 inmates one white, one very dark skinned, to break it up but nobody is putting hands on yet. I get through the bar gate just in time to see one inmate grab a pool ball and crack the other guy in the face with it needless to say, he went down. I got between them grabbed the white guy, who at this point had stopped fighting and cuffed him up and took him to what we call the smoke cage (where they used to be allowed to smoke). As the dark-skinned guy was walking by I could see his shirt had come off and on his chest and face huge hot pink spots (like dinner plate sized) covered his chest and ragged bit of skin was hanging off around them. Apparently the white guy had spent about 20 min boiling cleaning chemicals and Vaseline in his bowl and proceeded to dump it on the black guy while he was sleeping. I’ll never forget how bright those spots were particularly on his dark skin I’m talking like the color of a pink highlighter and skin just sloughing off of his face and chest as they carried him out. I’ve seen guys get cut up, heads bashed in, all that fun stuff but for some reason that one sticks in my head.
Tl;dr responded to a fight once to find one guy had poured boiling chemicals and Vaseline on a guy’s face while he slept.”
32. They took a 2-liter bottle of soda and stomped it into his anus.
“My brother is an RN at a state prison medical facility in Northern CA. He has to respond to all medical emergencies at the prison. I asked him to tell me his worst story of having to save someone’s life. Boy did I regret that. Seems this young white kid had a thing for molesting black children. Mostly sodomizing them. Well, word got out quickly in prison that he was coming into the system. Chomos (child molesters) quickly learn that you do not want to be in general population and you fake illnesses to get transferred into this medical prison hospital so you could be safe. But the BGF (Black Guerrilla Family) wanted this kid real bad. So one day they caught him in the shower and 6 of its largest (you know what I mean) members took turns on him for almost an hour. When they were done, they took a 2-liter bottle of soda and stomped it into his anus. When my brother was done assisting on the surgery, the kid had to have his entire bowel and urinary tract removed. He ended up having to wear a double colostomy bag for the rest of his life. I won’t even go into the second story of the guy who had 2 dozen Barbie doll heads in his stomach when they pumped it out.”
33. They wrecked the pedophile’s ass with a giant homemade dildo.
“Knew a guy that told horror stories of working at a men’s prison. Said occasionally when a new inmate would get in, generally the ones that harmed children or were in for a sexual violence crime, we’re found by other inmates, and one inmate in particular was known by inmates to favor ‘taking care of pedophiles’ with what they call a ‘homewrecker.’ Essentially, it’s a giant homemade dildo. He said after one inmate (pedophile) had arrived, a day or two later they found him in an area, pants covered in shit and blood. Apparently, a few homewreckers were used at the same time. He worked at a high security prison, not sure how high; never asked. But yeah. Punishment doesn’t end for a pedophile at the sentencing. Inmates do their own form of sentencing to people like that.”
34. ‘It’s the CHICKENS! Please get them out!’
“My friend’s mom was a prison guard when I was younger. We went there our whole class, and she told us about how inmates would break down mentally. One story I remember her telling multiple times: She was on night shift, and was suddenly alerted by screams of help, the screams came from a cell, and her being careful she looked inside the door window. There, in the farthest corner, an inmate was on a chair, screaming, pleading for help, and trying to avoid something on the ground
Mom: ‘What’s wrong, inmate?’
Inmate: ‘It’s the CHICKENS! Please get them out!,’ while still standing on the chair, jumping and crying.
Mom: ‘What chickens? where are they?’
Inmate: ‘EVERYWHERE!! Please get them out!’
So friend’s mom opened the cell door and guided the invisible chickens out. The inmate calmed down, but as friend’s mom closed the cell door, he screamed: ‘YOU FORGOT ONE!!!!’
So she went back in and got the remaining chicken.
Note, the inmate in this story was a big-ass biker dude, he was probably on drugs, but I think it’s a fun story.”