Lorenzo Jensen III

“Saying ‘because I said so.’ My dad and mom did this to me and I hated it. So now with my daughter, she knows exactly why I say no to something.”

“All I remember is watching the police pull up to our house, come inside, and shoot my father.”

“Stalking. It’s only called stalking when you’re ugly. If you’re beautiful it’s being persistent.”

“Everything, really.”

“We connected in a way I didn’t think was possible & he made me feel something I had never felt.”

“Society in general doesn’t give a fuck about men’s problems at all, not even a little.”

“‘Guess what?’
‘What?’
‘Good guess.’”

“His intestines just fell out everywhere like if you had a bag of spaghetti and cut the side open.”

Because you want a servant, not a lover.

“I freak out, turn around, and SHE IS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND MY BROTHER AND I.”

 “I punched him in the face with the diamond ring he had given me.”

“Got up and sped home to punch a hole in my bedroom wall.”

“Wait 5-10 minutes before deciding if the argument will be worth it.”

“Had a patient come in with a coconut up his ass.”

Q: “What does ‘queer’ mean, exactly?”
A: “It’s a catch-all term for ‘not straight.’”

What are your deal breakers?

“He threatened to kill my dad because our pet rabbit was being too loud.”

“Sebastian is annoying and yells whenever his wife doesn’t put cheese on his daily tuna melt.”