47. I thought the only way to get a girl pregnant was by having her suck you off.
“I thought the only way to get a girl pregnant was by having her suck you off. Literally. Just suck you off and magically she was pregnant. (I had no idea what sperm was at the time).”
48. I thought that women had huge penises.
“That women also had a penis. Not just any penis. You see when I was but 7 my friend went through his brother’s stuff while he was away at college. Inside was a naughty magazine. Inside the magazine were naked woman, the first I had ever seen. But, nearly all of these women had foot-long horse cocks…His brother was into transsexuals at the eve of the Photoshop era. This magazine was never meant for innocent eyes, yet these slick pages of centenarian genitalia were what taught me. I was corrected a few weeks later by my older 12-year-old friend. Women didn’t have a dick.”
49. I thought sticking your penis in a vagina was some kind of weird fetish that I invented in the 4th grade.
“I thought sticking your penis in a vagina was some kind of weird fetish that I invented in the 4th grade. Fast forward three years and a Sex Ed video, and I was dumbfounded. ‘Wait, you’re supposed to do that?’”
50. I thought sex was peeing on each other and that’s how you make a baby.
“I thought sex was peeing on each other and that’s how you make a baby.”
51. I always thought pubic hair was called ‘public’ hair instead.
“Thanks to a nervous speed read of some adult literature I always thought pubic hair was called public hair which confused me ’cause I was like ‘Why call it that when it’s hidden?’”
52. I thought that women had a third orifice between the vagina and anus where tampons went in and babies came out.
“That women had a third orifice between the vagina and anus. That’s where tampons went in and babies came out. Thank god for porn.”
53. I thought that during sex, the woman sticks her vagina to the man’s lower back.
“The kid who taught me about sex told me that the woman sticks her vagina to the man’s lower back. WTF.”
54. I thought that semen crawled up the woman’s leg and into the vagina like some kind of Flubber creature from that Robin Williams movie.
“I knew about semen, I knew that semen had to somehow end up in the vagina, but for some reason penetration never occurred to me as an option. I honestly thought (until I got into my Grandma’s dirty novels) that people kissed and dry humped until the man came and the semen crawled up the woman’s leg and into the vagina like some kind of Flubber creature from that Robin Williams movie. I still think about this during fellatio and it bothers me.”
55. I thought that both genders had penises, and to have a baby you’d have to wrap them around each other in a spiral.
“Both genders had penises, and to have a baby you’d have to wrap them around each other in a spiral.”
