27 Guys Share The Most Insane ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ Stories You’ve Ever Heard

20. I slid to the floor and called my parents, in complete shock and sobbing.

My ex-girlfriend stopped by to visit. I had just eaten enough Chinese food at a buffet to be near pass-out. I was laying on the blowup mattress and I hear her growl “You son of a bitch” and then BOOM! She punched me in the teeth.

I asked her what the fuck her problem was. At the time I was broke so I didn’t have any furniture – everything was neatly placed in the room including my condoms. She counted and noticed one was missing from the last time she visited. I scrambled up and she spit in my face. I told her to leave and walked to the door.

That’s when she opened the cabinet, took out the toaster oven, and threw it at the side of my head. My head was ringing, glass all over the floor from the broken oven door, blood is trickling from my head, I was panicked. I didn’t want to hurt her but she HAD to leave immediately. I told her I’d call the cops if she didn’t leave. The whole time in between assaulting me she was frantically glancing around the room for other signs I was “cheating” (even though I was single) and for stuff to assault me with.

I opened the door to encourage her exit and she started screaming, she said she’d get everyone in the neighborhood thinking I was assaulting her. I pleaded with her to please leave and she started tearing into the bare skin of my chest with her nails, grabbing and pinching and pulling. I forced her out the door and locked it. She started bashing at the windows. Finally she got in her car and left.

I slid to the floor and called my parents, in complete shock and sobbing. I hadn’t experienced that kind of crazy in my life before. She just attacked me in a fit of rage. I didn’t want to hit her back I just wanted to be left alone. The whole experience had me wondering about the mental problems she must have been hiding the entire time we were together. I was so afraid she would do something crazy like wreck her car to get “revenge” on me, or hurt my dog, or call the cops with a fake story.

It’s been 5 years since that day and it’s thankfully hazy now – it’s hard to describe what a blur it was.

21. She told me she had mouth cancer from smoking.

She told me she had mouth cancer from smoking. I felt really bad for her until my friend who went to school with her told me she was bullshitting. Turns out she wanted me to feel bad for her and break up with my new girl for her.

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Lorenzo Jensen III

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