Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

Be the one who stays. The one who doesn’t feel the need to lie. To roll the dice. To play the game. Be the kind of person that means what they say. Be the kind of person who doesn’t go.

I don’t know
what it is about you
that makes me
feel so insane.

His hands
on me
the closest
I have ever gotten
to believing in a higher power.

I’m done feeling like a burden. Feeling like I am less of a fantastic human being because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. And if you can’t handle my imperfect life, if you can’t handle that I have a mental illness, you can walk away. You can get out of my life.

She’s better off without you because you took too much of her when you were with her. You took too many pieces. You took too much. And you never, ever gave anything back.

It’s always the ones you don’t expect. The ones you gave your heart too. The ones you told your everything too. It’s always the ones that you care about most that end up walking out. It’s always the ones you love the most, who end up hurting you the deepest.

It doesn’t matter how many shots I took. How many bottles I downed. It doesn’t matter because it does not mean I ever, ever asked for this.

I think a part of me doesn’t know who I am without you. Without the part of my heart that longs for your warmth. Without the part of me that wants you desperately. Without the part of myself that adores you to no end.

I want someone to love who is going to make me believe in them. Who is going to make me finally breathe a sigh of relief. Who is going to make me not regret looking at them in the first place. Who is not going to make me regret loving them.

Old souls don’t settle. They honestly would rather be dead than to ever settle. They have always known that they can’t do casual relationships like most people their age. They can’t stomach the idea of being intimate with someone who they hardly know, and they won’t give into peer pressure to have one night stands.

She is going to leave you. Not because of the things you did, but because of the things that you didn’t do. She is going to leave you. Not because of things you said, but because of the things you never said.

When you’re a friend with someone who has anxiety, you’re friends with someone who will never neglect you. They aren’t going to ditch you for other people, or the ‘cool’ crowd. They know your loyalty and wouldn’t ever dream of giving up a wonderful friendship. You make them feel more comfortable and more at ease. Why would they ever give that up?

You’ll begin to understand that anxiety cannot be healed. You’ll begin to understand that anxiety is not like a broken leg, or a sprained wrist. And you’ll begin to understand that anxiety is a chemical imbalance, not a cry for attention.

Forever boys will never have enough of you. They will never grow tired of the way you smell and the way you taste when your lips touch theirs. They will never grow tired of the sound of your laugh, or the way they say your name. They will never ever walk out. Because it’s not a game to them. It’s real life.

Strong women are the ones who leave behind the past for the brighter days of their future. They are the ones who find the strength within themselves to let go. And who find the strength within themselves to leave their former selves behind them.

Despite the shaky hands. Despite the shaky legs and the upset stomach. Despite all of it. You can’t let it win. You can’t let it control you. You can’t let anxiety take your life away from you.

You deserve the kind of love that isn’t fleeting. That doesn’t run. That doesn’t leave. That doesn’t go.

Maybe we’re too scared. Scared of falling so hard that we forget how to breathe. Scared of loving too hard. Of wanting too much. Maybe we are all cowards. Cowards who say they believe in love, but run the second it comes our way.