Lance Pauker

2. Intricate Knowledge of 7-11s.

“I was just thinking, maybe you were doin’ all that prayin’ and I’m the answer to your prayers.”

It’s very helpful to know what’s going on in the world of Hollywood, given that this now seems to be a weird way to one-up your friends in conversation.

2. This year, military experts deemed negative comments about Jennifer Lawrence the greatest internal threat to our country.

When you’re inviting your more-than-friend over, and need to figure out whether or not you should continue seeing each other for long enough to simply assume that you are now dating, this list could probably be extremely helpful.

Us males are a clueless, relatively embarrassing gender–particularly when it comes to interpreting female actions. Here are some trends–some recent, some timeless–that even the most competent male has a tough time figuring out:

Now that it’s nearly a decade in our rearview, we’ve begun to get a glimpse of what’s got longevity; namely, what songs are really good at encapsulating the weird time that was the mid-2000s.

23. You find it immensely tough to get a drink without having to walk through a particularly rough gauntlet of people you really don’t want to say hi to. Is it even worth the drink?

4. Always have at least 3-5 places ready to go if asked to recommend a place for brunch.

It’s no secret that an apartment inhabited by young males is one of the scarier places on earth.

Between the acrobatics, inventive college satire, and willingness to come off as a highly questionable human, it’s very rare to see such unbridled talent running amok like this.

Your mom repeating “but he/she’s so talented!” at a dinner party for hours on end is only gonna get you so far.

2. He pulls off sweaters, turtlenecks, and fleeces with a rare, effortless ease.

1. Make Sure Your Excuse Isn’t Too Complicated

8. You’ve stopped looking for shortcuts.

“If it ain’t broke, it’s probably a Baby Boomer.”

I’ve spent a good portion of the past 18 months standing in overcrowded rooms, observing the various ways us guys fail to lock down girls. Here are a few of the wondrous eligible bachelors you’ll meet as a young professional:

1. Handwritten Notes.