1. He’s open-minded–when the kids become teens and start engaging in alarming new trends, he’ll be less “we weren’t this deplorable, were we?” and more “ok, how can we do this in the most responsible way possible?”
2. He pulls off sweaters, turtlenecks, and fleeces with a rare, effortless ease.
3. If he can sit through Real Housewives with you, Disney Channel programming will be a piece of cake.
4. He loves traditions, and gets really excited upon the prospect of establishing new ones.
5. He prides himself on looking professional in the workplace–well groomed, and doesn’t mind a good shoe shine.
6. He’s not rattled after staying up really late or pulling all-nighters. This will be crucial.
7. He knows when to put his foot down at work, in the sense that he’s not gonna be one of those dads who misses soccer games because he needs to look over the proposal again.
8. He’s competent enough to raise a pet, which he sometimes talks to in weird baby voices.
9. He approaches arguments in a calculated well though out manner, but also knows when to be unquestionably assertive.
10. He doesn’t get flustered when plans suddenly change–he’s adaptable, and can turn any crisis into an outlet for humor.
11. Speaking of, he’s already built up a small army of terrible “dad jokes.”
12. He wants you to have time with your own friends, so he won’t mind picking up the babysitting duties every now and then.
13. He’s a teacher, or would naturally be good at teaching. (Just don’t inflate his ego too much.)
14. He’s already shown some glimpses of falling asleep in the middle of watching an excited sports game.
15. When the going gets rough, his combination of cunning and resourcefulness will ensure you’ll end up alright.
16. He can cook. He eats his vegetables.
17. At least a few of his friends are/will be of the children having ilk, which will ensure that socializing will sometimes center around parenting strategies.
18. He knows how to manage his vices.
19. He’s interested in reading Andrew Jackson biographies, or has potential to be very interested in Andrew Jackson biographies.
20. He digs being around his/your little cousins, to the point where you think it’s a little bit much.
21. He has small testicles. (This is according to science. Or at least science as reported by the internet.)
22. Your girlfriends look/talk about your boyfriend with a slight air of jealousy.
23. He’s good at documenting life events in creative ways, and will probably whip out some crazy video slideshow on each and every birthday.
24. He’s not afraid to shy away from the tougher issues. Sure he’ll be mind-bogglingly awkward about “the talk,” but he’ll be able to give “the talk.”
25. He has a good relationship with his parents. Clearly not essential, but probably positive.
26. He’s a perfectionist, but also a pragmatist. He’ll ensure that Joey gives his best effort on the field, but won’t spit on the coach if he’s not getting a ton of playing time.
27. He’s a natural-born leader when it comes to planning and executing vacations.
28. He doesn’t take shirtless selfies.