Us males are a clueless, relatively embarrassing gender–particularly when it comes to interpreting female actions. Here are some trends–some recent, some timeless–that even the most competent male has a tough time figuring out:
1. Why It Takes So Long To Get Ready
I have no idea what half the bathroom gadgets are for. I don’t think most guys do. Probably a good thing for everyone.
2. Why Girls Always Say Their Hair “Looks Terrible.”
When we’re leaving to go somewhere, my girlfriend will oftentimes comment on how terrible her hair looks. Approximately 100% of the time, it looks as beautiful as always.
I am not trying to be flattering here–I legitimately don’t understand why it looks so terrible.
3. In General, Why It’s Protocol To Be Really Bad At Accepting Compliments
4. Why Shows On Bravo! Television Are So Compelling
Much like older siblings get sucked into to watching a lot of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody via their little sisters, 2013 boyfriends tend to be subjected with ‘sodes of various Housewives of various urban areas.
I watched one semi-recently, and it involved one woman with a lot of plastic surgery splashing wine on another woman with a lot of plastic surgery. I’m sure it was interesting, but it was too difficult to get over the alarming amount of plastic surgery to figure out what was going on.
5. The Allure Of Pinterest
Pinterest appears to be the internet equivalent of “The Girls Room”–that sketch in The Amanda Show where girls would converse, mostly about the fact that they’re having a conversation in the girl’s room.
As a fairly competent male internet user, I take a lot of pride in having very little idea of what goes on in there.
6. How To Alleviate A Cry
I usually go for a joke. Sometimes, this works wonderfully in my favor. Other times, not so much. There appears to be no formula here.
7. Why Everyone Needs To Get Presents For The Holidays
Every holiday season, my mom used to buy some of the most obscure people in our lives–like the elementary school art teacher–small gifts for the holidays. My dad found this amusing in the way people find slow, deliberately painful torture to be amusing.
While the vast majority of girls probably aren’t going out buying gifts for their twelfth best friend–especially given how “broke” we all are nowadays–this is definitely a female-centric trend that seemed like a relevant thing to address here.
8. Why That One Girl’s Outfit Is So Terrible
Whenever I’ve gone out with a group of girls, there’s a 54-67% chance that at some point over the course of the night, there will be a girl on the other side of the bar who has a “terrible” outfit. A good 2-3 minutes will then be spent bashing that girl’s outfit.
The only time this ever makes sense to me is when a girl is wearing a single leaf, seemingly designed for prostitution. But sometimes the outfits are just clothes on a person. I guess it’s better than guys having barfights over the fact that someone got accidentally pushed, but this is a mystery.
9. Why The Passive-Aggressive Compliment Is An Accepted Thing
The fact that some friendships appear to exist in a place fostered by backhanded jealously and compliment jabs will forever be baffling. I’d be terrified.
10. Why We’ve Never Gotten Frozen Yogurt
Go to 2:25 in this clip to see what all the fuss is about. I wouldn’t hate a frozen yogurt.