1. Slow And Steady Wins The Race
- Slow and steady ensures you miss your deadlines and get fired.
2. If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say, Don’t Say It
- If you don’t have anything nice to say, make sure she doesn’t see the group text thread.
3. Think Before You Act
- Think before you quit your job to become an actor.
4. Practice Makes Perfect
- Practice makes you just one of the 40,000 other people trying to make it in this field.
5. The One You Touch Is The One You Take
- If you drunkenly hook up, there’s a decent chance you’ll end up dating.
6. When There’s A Will, There’s A Way
- When there’s a will, there’s 42 Facebook invites from your annoying club promoter friend.
7. The Early Bird Catches The Worm
- The early bird makes you feel like a shitty employee.
8. A Penny Saved Is A Penny Earned
- A penny saved is an incredible waste of time.
9. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
- Liking a political Facebook status speaks louder than words.
10. A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed
- A friend in need is a friend you need to text back with an overly complicated story about how you couldn’t find your phone for the past 5 hours.
11. All’s Fair In Love And War
- All’s fair in who makes the guest list for brunch.
12. A Leopard Can’t Change Its Spots
- A friend who forces you to watch unfunny youtube videos starring leopards will probably never stop doing that.
13. A Man Is Known By The Company He Keeps
- You probably need some cooler friends.
14. A Chain Is As Strong As Its Weakest Link
- A chain is something you thought was really fashionable back in 6th grade.
15. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
- A selfie is worth two words: Forever Single.
16. When You’re Bored, You’re Boring
- A Netflix account is $8 a month.
17. Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining
- Anything with Jennifer Lawrence in it will probably be critically and commercially successful.
18. Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch
- Make sure your chickens are pasture raised and organic before you put them on the menu.
19. Give A Him An Inch, He’ll Take A Mile
- Give a him an inch, he’ll take a mile, and then he’ll tell you about his Nike FuelBand.
20. Fail To Prepare, Prepare To Fail
- Fail to prepare, prepare to side-eye your friend’s scantron.
21. If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
- If it ain’t broke, it’s probably a Baby Boomer.
22. Honesty Is The Best Policy
- Subtweet if you must.
23.One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure
- One man’s trash is marked up 1000% before being sold to a hipster.
24. It Ain’t Over Till The Fat Lady Sings
- It ain’t over till your phone is at less than 10%.
25. Time Flies When You’re Having Fun
- Time flies when you’re not standing around texting the whole time.
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