Holly Riordan

“I was always hoping she’d make the first move, but she was probably hoping the same thing.”

“She carved my initials in her leg.”

“He fell with a rope around his neck and actually hung himself.”

Grab his hands and place them on your ass. That way, he can help you bounce up and down, which will take some of the pressure off of your legs.

Date someone who never makes you feel bad about getting emotional, even if you’re upset with them and they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

Capricorns: If they’ve stopped having sex with you, they’re probably getting laid elsewhere.

When they ignore all of your texts, but like every single selfie you post on Instagram.

Bend your fingers once you’re inside, so you can find her G-spot with the tips of them.

I checked Twitter. The top hashtag was something about unexplained deaths. There were links to obscure websites detailing the different murders, mostly blogs with fonts that were a little too bright and mice that spouted glitter as you moved down the page.

Put your tits in his face, so your nipples brush up against his lips. When his eyes open, he’s in for a real treat.

Goodnight texts will remind your partner how much you care. You can wish your partner sweet dreams and help them feel like they have something to look forward to tomorrow.

When you see photos of your friends vacationing in Italy and kissing their boyfriends in front of Cinderella’s Castle, it’s easy to feel like you’ve been wasting your entire summer.

Ride the ferry, even if you don’t have a specific place to go. Once you reach your destination, you can ride it right back.

“When I was 8, my dad tried to kill me, my mom and sister. A month later, my dad would go on to commit suicide.”

“I think Pluto either broke her arm or her leg. I can’t remember. The family was arrested.”

Cancer: You’ve spent so much time on them. You don’t want everything that happened between the two of you to be a waste.

Find her vibrator (one with a low volume) and place it against her nipples. Then her thighs. Then her clit. Pretty soon, she should stop snoring and start moaning.

Your orgasm face is gorgeous. I can’t wait to see it.