Holly Riordan

Leo: Cheating isn’t about you. It’s about him. He’s feeling inadequate. Insecure. He needs another woman to make him feel like he’s attractive again. Like he still has it.

Almost relationships.

He likes you enough to admit that he misses you and that he wants to hang out. But he doesn’t like you enough to actually pick a day and plan out what you’re going to do together.

Hannah swore it came from under the tree. That she had no clue how it got there. Actually, that’s a lie. What she really said was that Santa must’ve stopped by heaven to pick it up from God and I almost burst into tears on the spot.

You can’t get that same thrill from any other person. It doesn’t matter how many dates you go on. Nobody makes you feel the same excitement you felt when you were with your ex.

One day, you’re going to be excited about December, just like you were when you were a kid, because you’ll get to experience the old traditions again. You’ll decorate gingerbread houses. String lights around the tree. Make sugar cookies in the shape of reindeer and snowmen (and probably a penis or two).

You’re afraid to express your feelings. What if he breaks up with you when you mention how upset you are? You don’t want to take that risk. You’d rather keep your emotions bottled up inside.

He’ll act like you have no reason to be angry with him. That you don’t have the right. He’ll convince you that you’re being too emotional, that you’re overreacting.

“One time, he shot a rabbit out the window and it didn’t die. So he beat it to death with a shovel.”

“He was in juvie for setting fire to his family’s apartment that spread and killed his elderly neighbor. There was also evidence of him torturing animals and he’s been abusive to his mom and little brother.”

It’s going to hurt, because he treated you like his girlfriend, even though you never were.

Gemini: You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you haven’t learned enough about yourself yet. You have an idea of what you want, but you’re still unsure.

Your anxiety. If he’s the right one for you, he’ll help you calm down after you have a panic attack. He won’t blame you for freaking out. He won’t let your mental health put a barrier between you.

One day, you’ll find someone that endlessly voices their love, so you’re never left questioning if they’ve grown tired of you.

You’ve complained to your friends about him being too nice.

I had a few friends over and we jumped into a game of Never Have I Ever. My soulmate was drunk enough to answer honestly. About how he’d had sex in a moving car before. About how he’d shoplifted before. And about how he’d shot someone before.

Your boyfriend is going to have female friends. Your boyfriend is going to have exes. If you can’t handle hearing him talk about another woman, then you’re going to have some serious problems.

Buy chocolate body paint to lick off of him, edible underwear to tear off of him, or a ball gag made of candy to stuff in his mouth.