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2. Unless a short person asks you to, please don’t pick him or her up.

Dolores Umbridge from “Harry Potter.”

Please bore someone else with your…questions.

“If tomorrow the world ends–why shouldn’t we be with the ones we really love?”

No, your eyes do not deceive you, that is indeed a CARDIGAN DRESS.

7. Befriend the kid in the slayer shirt who sits at the back of your english class.

Your reason to live should be very much like your reason to listen to music. Once you learn to appreciate all the elements of music you appreciate it more than you ever thought possible. Same goes for life, when you stop overlooking the smaller elements and really tune in to what it has to offer: nature, human connections, animals, love, passion, etc. you appreciate it more than you ever thought possible.

“Breaking up with that awesome girl in college because I wasn’t ready to settle down. Been trying to find a girl that awesome ever since (or remotely close).”

if unhappy is your default setting, other people can’t afford to be around you.

My favorite teacher ever—English, freshman year of high school—walked up to my desk, picked up my white-out, took a super deep sniff, shuddered, said “that’s the stuff,” and walked away.

In Pirates of the Caribbean, we see the story of a daring search for booty, and if that description is also fitting of your sex life, well it most definitely belongs under the genre of adventure.

Our company had a little person working in the head office.
She got fired because she hid inside a paper recycle bin and scared some employees.