1. You were always the person who, beyond just not being interested in gym class, resented the idea that how hard you were able to hit a ball or how many push ups you could do in a row would be such a heavy determining factor in your adolescent self-worth.
2. You need to surround yourself — especially amongst your closest friends — with artistic people, because even though you may not be the most talented person yourself when it comes to painting or music, you have an appreciation for the kind of personality those hobbies will bring.
3. The public education system overall left you pretty disillusioned, and few things stress you out more than the idea that the person you were at 18 and the decisions you made at that moment are going to in any way determine the rest of your life’s journey. (Because, let’s face it, you were an asshole at 18.)
4. You have dated at least one asshole in a sweater who talked down to you from time to time, but to whom you were still incredibly attracted.
5. Some of your teachers in high school were the kind of people who should not have been able to be around other people, let alone the impressionable young adults of tomorrow. And a lot of the time, you just basically ended up teaching yourself.
6. Though you will always love your family, there is an overwhelming sense of being the odd one out when you’re around them, a feeling which is occasionally a source of smug pleasure, if you’re being honest about it.
7. You have an appreciation for 90s alt-rock that few people can fully understand, and have a hard time understanding how anyone could not immediately follow your “Crucial 90s Jams” playlist on Spotify.
8. You are much more likely to smirk quietly to yourself than to out-and-out smile. At least in public.
9. Three of your favorite activities are: lying on your bed listlessly, watching television shows that you know are terrible for the soul, and calling your friends to see if they are as bored as you are.
10. You alternate between reading terrible news stories from completely awful media outlets — and getting unhealthily cynical about the world around you — and cutting yourself off from information altogether for a while.
11. There is no place which inspires quite as much existential desperation in you as the local mall. There is something about the smell of Orange Juliuses mingling with the acetone from the nail salon that just makes you want to retreat from society entirely and become a recluse who eats stray house pets.
12. Regardless of whether or not he is an animated character, you have a deep, profound crush on Trent Lane, and are not emotionally or mentally prepared for this cosplay.
13. You know that lace-up black boots will always be in style, no matter what some stupid fashion magazine has to say on the matter.
14. When it comes to shooting down male entitlement, you are not interesting in mincing words or coddling feelings.
15. One of your greatest personal pleasures in life is pizza. It’s basically a romantic relationship at this point.
16. You will always have a place in your heart for the boys who can play good music.
17. People often accuse you of saying biting things, or being too harsh in your judgments, but you actually think you’re pretty mild, all things considered (especially when it comes to other people’s petty first-world problems).
18. There is no question that cannot be efficiently sidestepped with a bit of well-placed sarcasm, leaving your actual feelings fully intact beneath the placid surface.
19. On more than one occasion, you have engaged in what proved to be a very ill-fated venture into beauty experiments.
20. Popularity has never been something that really appealed you, especially considering that would imply impressing the hordes of people you are mostly interested in avoiding entirely.
21. Your heart has been totally broken before, to the point where you thought you would never get over it and be normal again.
22. While on the surface, you come across as someone who is quick to judge and to look down at other people, you are actually pretty kind to the people who you see have a good heart — it’s just your sense of humor that can be cutting. You’re always willing to give people a chance, if they show that they deserve it. You’re not just out to be mean to people.
23. You would be totally lost if it weren’t for your best friend.