You should kiss someone if you like them. You’ll learn so much about them when you taste their spit. And it will also make you feel young again. No matter how experienced you are, your first kiss with someone always takes you back to that first time with that first person.
Couples gushing about each other on their Facebook walls should be illegal. Like Time Warner Cable or Comcast needs to come to their door, find their router and smash it into a million pieces while screaming, “GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON’T COME OUT UNTIL YOU’VE REALIZED THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS!”
Being either a gay man or a girl means there is a good chance you’re hungry right now. If you add “works in fashion”, you’re just straight up starving all the time. And the most disturbing aspect of it all? It’s acceptable, it’s encouraged, it’s a damn joke.
I know you probably think I’m some kind of uniquely filthy, completely nasty woman, but I’m not. Just because I like picking the wax out of my ears and rolling it into little balls, or because I spend an equal amount of time picking my nose and hoping that a little hair will come out attached to the snot.
I really do love surrounding myself with boys, and I’ve always had a lot of close straight male friends. And my boys—the boys I’ve climbed trees with, played video games with, burped the alphabet with—have given all the other boys a lot to live up to. This is what those wonderful, disgusting, can’t-live-with-em-can’t-live-without-em fellas have taught me about boys.
Hearing snippets of anecdotes about beer-bonging jungle juice or sleeping with two girls in the same night, one unbeknown to the other, confirmed to me that the American Pie-style high school experience did, in fact, exist – just not for me or anyone I knew. There was fun to be had here, I just wasn’t invited to it.
When I finally broke, it was very difficult to un-break. I cried a lot. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I’d only had a handful of sexual partners and the only unprotected sex I’d had was with boyfriends who had been checked for STDs. I was immunised against HPV when I was 21—a fact that scared me more than anything, the knowledge that this thing could have been hiding inside me for up to 5 years completely undetected.
I can hardly even go outside with a hangover anymore without feeling like if I don’t take off my clothes and get into sweats, lie down, cover myself with blankets and start watching a sci-fi/ fantasy epic from the mid ‘80s, I’ll start projectile vomiting on the next person who passes me on the sidewalk.