Thought Catalog

7 Things You Should Know About Boys

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There’s something about boys. I love boys, and not just in a ‘quick, get your boner inside me now’ sort of way. I wouldn’t say I’m one of those girls who doesn’t have girlfriends—on the contrary, I love my girls, and they’re like sisters to me, but I really do love surrounding myself with boys, and I’ve always had a lot of close straight male friends. And my boys—the boys I’ve climbed trees with, played video games with, burped the alphabet with—have given all the other boys a lot to live up to. This is what those wonderful, disgusting, can’t-live-with-em-can’t-live-without-em fellas have taught me about boys.

1. They all have a throbbing Peter Pan heart somewhere in their guts, even if it doesn’t seem apparent on the surface. No matter what a boy has been through, no matter how hardened or old his soul may seem, there’s this most beautiful thing inside all boys that seems to last forever. It’s the thing that makes them hate showers but love rolling in the dirt. The thing that makes them scramble around nipping at each other like little puppy dogs. The thing that makes them run instead of walk when they’re excited. It’s possibly the most magical, romantic thing about boys, and the thing that enthralls me the most—the small piece inside them that never, ever grows up.

2. The only thing you can change about a man is his clothes. You can’t ask a boy to grow up, to be more reliable, to stop swearing or stop being a lad when he’s with the other boys. Boys are what they are and the more you push them the more they will spite you by amplifying all the things you’re trying to change. You either have to accept what your boy is or let him go, because that awful mythology girls cling to of being the one to change a man is just that—mythology. The only thing a boy will change for you is their clothes, and that’s because most boys don’t know how to dress even though they’d like to dress well/better, and most are generally relieved to have someone point them in the right direction.

3. A boy won’t respect you unless you respect yourself, (and if he doesn’t respect you even then, he’s not the sort you want into your life). I’ve watched many girls come and go in the lives of my boys and even the good boys have trouble respecting girls that didn’t respect themselves. They’ll try—bless their cotton socks—but it’s impossible for a boy to take a girl seriously when she’s at his constant beck and call. On the flip side, a girl who is affectionate yet independent is the one that will stay on their mind.

4. It’s nothing personal when they criticize you. Boys have this impeccable way of giving criticism that girls just don’t get. My boy friends are all very honest with me—“Kat you’re wearing too much makeup today,” “I didn’t really like that article you wrote because the jokes seemed forced,” “your hair looks weird”—and I don’t know what I’d do without it. Sometimes comments from girls come off snarky and mean, and will from time to time leave you wondering how long they’ve been pondering, or bitching behind your back. When a boy gives you criticism, it’s matter-of-fact, he’s open to discuss it with you, and it’s not something he’s going to dwell on or let influence the way he thinks of you.

5. Boys have feelings too. Having held boys sobbing through heartache, or watched as they stoically continued with their life only to find out months or even years later that they’ve been screaming inside, boys aren’t all the heartless bastards girls often brand them as. They hurt too, and by golly, can they cry. Just because one boy screwed you over, don’t paint them all with the same jerk brush, or any jerk brush at all. Everyone hurts someone sometimes, and everyone hurts.

6. Boys like to masturbate all the time. And watch porn. And talk about it. There’s nothing you can do—you’re helpless and outnumbered on this one. You can fuck a guy 6 times a day and he’s still going to want to rub one out when you’re not around. Deal with it.

7. Boys don’t play games. Maybe I’ve been blessed by my boy friends—none of them are game players. If they like a girl, they will tell her so. They will text/call/try to see her. If they don’t like a girl, they will also tell her so. So if you’re ever lucky enough to date one of my babes, don’t read between the lines. It might sound crazy, but it’s really quite the opposite—most boys aren’t trying to mind fuck you. Be honest with them too—go on, I dare you. When you’re upset and a boy asks you what’s wrong, instead of answering, “nothing,” try telling him that you’re hormonal and you just feel like being cranky, or that you had a bad day at work or you don’t like the way he spoke to you earlier. If that doesn’t work then he’s a shit bloke—drop me a line, I’ve got about a dozen unappreciated good ones to share. TC mark

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    • Zoe

      God damnit, this article was incredible!

    • http://www.facebook.com/t0dd.dwyer Todd Dwyer

      Wow. So Thought Catalog is capable of putting out a good article every once and a while. Good to know.

      • http://twitter.com/Cackles Mitch

        Once IN a while. Not and. In.

        Sorry, pet peeve. I’ll crawl back into my grammar Nazi cave now.

        • Google

           DOOSH

    • BreakneckBoy

      This was absolutely brilliant. Thank you for sharing light on our true side.

    • http://twitter.com/elyseholladay elyse holladay

      All of these things are totally true.

    • average girl

      Can I meet your boys?

    • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

      Well done! 

      One criticism – in my experience it’s tough to use ‘boy’ and ‘man’ interchangeably. 

      I think for the most part, after a certain point a boy wants to be referred to as a man (even though I agree with the truth of #1). 

      Not sure if this is true of girls/women though.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2031561 Odette Rivera

      I would love to meet your boys.

      • http://www.facebook.com/jinstellakwon Jin Stella Kwon

        Me too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/danielbong Daniel Bong

      Kat, the thing about each boy having a Peter Pan in each of them is truest of all the seven things you listed. And if there is one thing that I will not let go, it’s that boyish enthusiasm in me. I see that in young and old men alike. And if girls want to see their boys shine, it’s to let that Peter Pan in them to fly :)

    • Anonymous

      As the sole female on a construction site full of men I totally get you girl. I am surrounded by the best dudes in the world. I feel like I am constantly formulating a list like this in my head. One thing I noticed when I would be around girls for the first time in a while is the differences in the things they talk about and the basis of it. Girls like to talk about abstract things and try to understand things that can’t really be understood and guys will sit and talk about how a helicopter works for about half an hour. At first I found it really annoying – but then I became it and it really serves for being positive and inquisitive and isn’t that wonderful? Anyways. Thanks for sharing. 

      • heh

         I’d love to learn how a helicopter works, I am so interested ,tell me more.
         -_-

    • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

      #5 is possibly the best and worst thing about boys. On the one hand, it’s wonderful they aren’t always the hard, stoic manly man that they sometimes appear to be and you can have an incredibly deep conversation with them. But, on the other hand, it always seems about fifty times more painful to hold a boy, rather than a girl, whilst they’re crying because you’re just so used to seeing the tough façade they usually put on. 

      I really liked this.

      • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

        Yes. Seeing your dad cry for the first time is the best example of this.

    • http://twitter.com/sophz Sophie Zhao

      I adore this and completely agree, to the point where I feel I may have even written this. Cheers to having the best guy friends.

    • Jordan

      Well, that was refreshing!  Very nice article.  I think every should try to embody this almagamation of traits.  Everyone has their faults, but the guy described above is a genuine guy.

      And not to taint this Kodak Moment but #6 is totally accurate.  It’s not personal, girls!  You are good enough, frequent enough, and pretty enough.  But this is different.  Or, as Adam Carolla would say, “sex is good, but it’s not the real thing.”

      • Sammy's back

        you’re clearly a virgin if you believe sex isn’t the real thing. that, or you’re not fuckin’ the right people, son! GET DOWN WITH THE HOT SHIT!

        • GINA'S BACK

          b.t. dubs, adam carolla is a major douchenozzle, so I don’t know why you’d take anything he says seriously….

    • ae

      LOVE this

    • http://twitter.com/henryevil andrew

      I want to go to what’s happening in that picture.

    • Guest

      Good job, I liked this article because it didn’t feel forced.

    • Humano

      Someone appreciates us, wooo yeah!

      Very nice article by the way :)

    • http://topologyoftheimpossible.com M. Kitchell

      When did Thought Catalog become some sort of mash-up of Redbook with idk Nylon or smth

    • Jordan

      kat, know any boys in london? for reals.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know, seems kind of lazy and insipid. Boys have the heart of Peter Pan, hate showers and love rolling in the dirt, and nip each other like puppy dogs? Ummm… if you say so. 

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset in any kind of gender bias type way because who cares about that stuff. It just seems like equating men with loveable puppy dogs is a bit facile. A man doesn’t take a woman seriously if she is at his beck and call (better play hard to get ladies!)? Thanks for the insight, Redbook. Something about this piece seems like a corny Hallmark card. But, you know, people do love Hallmark cards.

    • http://twitter.com/jkymarsh J. Ky Marsh

      Well, first 2 paragraphs were typical stupid Kat George bullshit, but the rest wasn’t bad. Don’t get my hopes up that this trend will continue.

    • http://twitter.com/jkymarsh J. Ky Marsh

      Well, first 2 paragraphs were typical stupid Kat George bullshit, but the rest wasn’t bad. Don’t get my hopes up that this trend will continue.

    • Anonymous

      This is nice, but the gendering is kind of moot. It should be titled “7 Things You Should Know About Reasonably Well-Adjusted People” or “7 Things You Should Know About My Friends.”

      • http://goldenday.tumblr.com Kia Etienne

        it was an answer to 7 Things You Should Know About Girls…?

        • Anonymous

          I see….I went back to read the girl one, and now this one just looks worse.

    • Catt

      Oh god, number 7. As my friend Dave puts it, “the most frustrating thing about girls is how ‘nothing’ is always wrong with them, but we’re supposed to hound them about it anyway”. Totally glad you acknowledged that.

    • brononymous

      7 things you should know about boys:

      1) We like getting our dick sucked.

      2) We like getting our dick sucked.

      3) We like getting our dick sucked.

      4) We like getting our dick sucked.

      5) We like getting our dick sucked.

      6) We like getting our dick sucked.

      7) We like getting our dick sucked.

    • Roy

      As a boy, I approve of this article.

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