This is the third argument you’ve had with someone and once again, your glaring, ugly, terrible flaws come to the forefront.
When the world has torn into you and left your kindness in shreds, when the unfairness of the world itself gets to you, I need you to remember this. You are needed.
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself and see what happens.”
These are the things I need to let go of about you. The conversations we had. The moments I genuinely believed were true.
You tasted of my childhood.
Do everything you possibly can as a human to make other people’s lives easier, but please do not do this at cost to yourself or your mental health, no matter what anyone says.
There are days when anxiety makes you feel so kerosene drenched and flammable, that anything can be a trigger to a colossal fire within you.
This is how you will reclaim yourself. You will rebirth your heart. You will understand how you are the most important thing you need in this moment, in this time, in this space. How you are all you have always needed to survive and thrive.
If he loves you, he will not be okay with you not being okay. If he is a decent human being, he will want to know about his selfish behaviour and how it affects you. If he is kind, he will not be able to see you being sad over something he has done wrong. You are doing both yourself and him an injustice by not trusting him with your true feelings in lieu of being low maintenance.
Find yourself. Find yourself in books and stories and TV shows and movies and the night sky and the forest and the walks in the rain and everything else that makes you feel beautiful, even if it is for a moment, for a second, for a day. Then find the people who never let you forget that, who always help you shine.