Lisa Woods

“When I asked my ex to marry me, she said yes. It would have been better if she had said no.”

“I’m so “indoctrinated”, it is hard for me to not be completely ashamed and fight crying even around people who completely support me and would not think less of me for it.”

“Which are you more likely to regret in 30 years: not sleeping with more randos, or letting the best girl you ever met get away?”

“Does she text you first?”

“The most intense feeling of being flirted with I’ve ever had was with a woman who was out on the dance floor and looking at me while I sat at a table on the sidelines. Went on for a good ten minutes and by the time she came over to speak to me I would have done anything she asked.”

“Through all the lies and the self destructive behavior, you realize you’re actually doing a drug. Habitual cheating is exactly like drug use. It benefits no one but you and your selfish needs. Then when you get off of it, you’re always one step away from relapse.”

“Six years later we are 1000 times happier than we were before he cheated. It brought us closer.”

Even when a relationship recovers, men who’ve been cheated on are never the same.

He fucked my life and set me back years–money I could’ve saved, time with other people or working on school or jobs. He knew he was ruining my future and didn’t care. I know they’ve all told everyone I’m a crazy, spiteful bitch.

“I want to be treated like a person. Not a prize. Not some code that needs to be cracked. Not like a goddess. Not like a whore. A person.”

At, work, for whatever reason, when I first started I told a girl that I was married…I was never married…It got so out of hand that I actually bought a fake wedding ring….The whole hospital thinks I’m a husband…

“It’s never how it was before.”

“My doctor was sympathetic and with his aid I located an abortionist in Nevada. He, however, was “on vacation”. The next step was Tijuana.”

Some of these are brutal.

“Twenty minutes is a looooong time for someone to have to go down on a girl. If she’s wanting more than that then she’s just being greedy.”

“The best sex I’ve ever had was with a man fifteen years older than me with two kids and a wife of ten years.”

“My current boyfriend of five years and I slept together the first night we met. There was no way we weren’t going to.”

“And oh, the repetition…and the repetition…and the repetition. I’m convinced the author has a computer macro that she hits to insert one of her limited repertoire of facial expressions whenever she needs one.”