This 22-year-old asked what to do about the feeling that he’s missing out on life and trying new things by being tied to his relationship in a small town. How do you get over that feeling that the grass is greener somewhere else? Can you? Should you?
Gratitude. Gotta be more thankful for what you have. Which are you more likely to regret in 30 years: not sleeping with more randos, or letting the best girl you ever met get away?
2. Choose And Commit
You come to understand that this “syndrome” is a manifestation of indecision. By constantly worrying about roads you didn’t travel you give yourself permission to not commit fully to the road you are on.
The best way to get over it is to look at your life and the choices you have, decide which choices you want to take (or continue with), and then go at it 100%.
Give yourself permission to review these choices at least once per year, but choose, commit, and get to it.
I cannot recommend that anyone gets married at 22 (I did, divorced and whatnot later, oops) – but it is possible to come to peace with the idea that she’s the last woman you are going to know in that manner. Three (or four) is enough for you to know that women are not all the same, and that you can enjoy the differences, but the only thing more exposure does is give you a clearer sense of what you do enjoy.
If you enjoy what you have, bedding 20 other women will only validate that to the nth degree. You may learn a few things along the way, that’s the perk of diversity, but at the end of the day if a sexual match is good, it’s good for it’s own reasons and more good matches won’t invalidate that.
Look at your options, take the ones that’ll give you a life you think you’d enjoy, and commit. Review annually and move along.
Your grass gets greener when you start tending to it and ignore the neighbors.
3. Playing The Field Isn’t As Great As It Seems
First, I didn’t know what I wanted when I was 22. So that kind of lends itself to your point where you want to explore what’s out there. I get that and I’d never tell anyone that he needs to settle down so young. I’m a different person from who I was at 22, and I like different women from who I liked when I was 22.
Second, a good woman is hard to find. Really hard to find. So if she is really absolutely amazing to you, then maybe you can skip playing the field. Playing the field isn’t honestly that great, there’s a lot of drama and a lot of answering your phone and the pussy all feels the same anyway.
In the end, you’re going to want someone you love being around. If you can’t imagine a better girl than the one you already have, I’m not saying to marry her tomorrow, but you should think twice before breaking up with her “just because”.
4. It Will Always Be there
You don’t really get over it. You will always have something in the back of your mind asking “what if?”.
What if I had dropped everything and moved to Canada?
What if I had stayed in my small town with my girlfriend?
You just gotta do you, man, and hope it works out for the best.
5. Live In The Moment
You have to live in the moment. Too many people are so concerned over what already happened or what might happen that they miss what is happening.
6. If You Need To Know Then Go And See
Actually I got over the grass is greener syndrome by going out and looking what shade it actually is. Turns out it really isn’t greener. 7 years, 3 big cities, 2 universities, 3 girlfriends later and i am back home, working at my first ever workplace ( but better job by far ), renting my the home i grew up in and dating a local girl.
I’ve never been happier. But I really did have to go out and make sure i knew what i was choosing not to do.
7. The Pain We Know Is Always Worse Than The Possibility We Don’t Know
It’s natural to look at the unknown with rose-colored glasses, but the key is to A) become comfortable with our own existence and train yourself to become less materialistic and simply happy to be alive B) realize that the other lawn isn’t almost never as green as you imagine or people project it to be.
8. Are You Happy?
The way I see it, if you’re happy, why change anything?
9. Adventures Have Pain Too
Well. If you’ve got what makes you happy what’s the point. Is there anything you regret you haven’t done? That’s the only way I see you might have missed out. I was always afraid of Missing out, but I live my life in my own conditions and push harder everyday. However the grass is greener theory also entails that if I jump on the other side there is some things I don’t know. If you wish you’d have my life; you gotta prepare to take my pain as well.
10. Well, Go And See
You’re 22 and still young with an education—spread your wings, little bird, you haven’t seen or done much yet. Go live in a big city where you don’t know anyone.
Oftentimes the grass is greener and more lush on the other side. At your age you have time to find out.
11. It’s Not All Or Nothing
Try and nail down exactly what it is you feel your missing. Are you not traveling enough? Not getting to pursue your passion? Not getting enough excitement in your life? Getting bored easily during your days?
Travel could let you see more of the world and scratch that itch. Or maybe taking up an exciting and interesting hobby. Or go sky diving, bungee jumping, African safari.
Try seeing if something else will scratch the itch you have and maybe you’ll find something that will. Or maybe you won’t and you’ll have some fun and you might get to a more natural point in your life where moving cities is better, you could outgrow your job, your girlfriend might get a job in the city you want or one you never even considered, or you could end up single again and you can date around. Just try not to put yourself in a position where you throw away some good stuff only to find out that nothing else measures up because looking forward it can seem worth the risk, but you’ll have a long time to look back.
12. Water Your Own Garden
The grass is greenest where you water it.
13. You Don’t Have To Break Up To Fulfill Your Dreams
If you want to make room in your life for adventure and new experiences that can definitely happen with a long term SO. The two of you just gotta work towards it. Schedule time off, allocate money to tickets and reservations. More doing, less pining.
14. Even A Stable Life Can Be Exciting
Learn to appreciate the stability of a good life. It’s usually the thing you learn after years of living with instability.
Save up your money and go do fun and exciting things. When opportunities come along, take advantage of them. Life only gets better if you make it better.