Lance Pauker

1. We think people from other parts of the country–particularly those on the left coast–aren’t as “real” and “hardened” as we are.

The key to cracking this guy’s code is to pull Inception on him–in the sense that you need to convince him that it’s actually you who is making the first move.

5. Hone in on something his family thinks is funny, and milk it for all it’s worth.

11. You’re trying as hard as you possibly can not to be the “can you believe it’s already October?” guy, but…can you believe that it’s already October?

Three episodes in one day is nothing. Four is impressive. Five is rare. You’ve done… seven.

5. The duck face.

You’ve come to terms that success isn’t defined by how deep your pockets are. Though this is mostly out of personal convenience.

10. You constantly entertain wild, all too memorable threesomes. (Couch + Blanket + Alcohol.)

Briefly, you’ll feel like the world is more than manageable; it’s easily conquerable.

Old enough to know everything, but too young to actually know anything.

10. He doesn’t like your friends close to as much as he says he does. Which is probably a good thing.

If any of the above describes you–and if you just so happened to have just purchased a bunch of cute, autumn-minded outfits–you may be suffering from CFD. #DontFallForFall.

“Two years, you’re still getting sorries? I don’t think so, that’s a long time for sorries. That’s like saying Happy New Year in October. “

Poker face. Seven months in, it’s still a game. Now more than ever.

There are few things more American than chowing down at a chain restaurant–serving up life as it truly is, with a side of affordable prices to boot.

6. Telling Other People About Your Hangover.

Sometimes, us men go great lengths to deny that we’re able to feel feelings. The pent up repression varies by man, but those of us unable to fully express our compassion on the reg tend to have similar-sounding soft spots.

3. You’ve descended into depths that in the not so distant past, you swore you’d never go to. I am of course talking about endorsing people on LinkedIn.