1. Three episodes in one day is nothing. Four is impressive. Five is rare. You’ve done… seven.
2. The highlight of your workday is the 15 minutes spent in the kitchen Monday morning theorizing about “what’s going to happen” next week. Especially exciting given that “you really have no idea…like actually no fucking idea.”
3. You underscore your enthusiasm for the beginning of a new season with a premier party. Which you’ll immediately regret cause that one fool won’t stop asking the most obvious questions.
4. Some people get emotionally distraught when people are ignorant of proper recycling practices. You get emotionally distraught when someone doesn’t know what Orange Is The New Black Is.
5. You pre-empt spoiler possibilities with well-timed social media freezes.
6. When you are “ahead” of your friends in a certain show, part of you immediately considers them a waste of life who really doesn’t realize what the human experience is all about…given that they haven’t yet seen season 5, episode 4.
7. You’ve spent entire days at work outlining what it would be like if your favorite actors crossed over into different shows. I.e., Brody on Game of Thrones, or Cersei in House of Cards.
8. Some of your favorite songs are now television theme songs.
9. You don’t just read one recap. You read all. the. recaps.
10. You’ve had multiple hour-long discussions about the “how much time needs to have passed in order for spoiling to be acceptable?” paradigm. You wish you were back in college so you could write a paper on this very thing. If you are in college, you realize this is way more work than necessary, especially given that you’ve heard Six Feet Under is pretty good.
11. Cleaning around the house is a lot better these days, because you get to say things like “In the Game of Detergent, you either clean or die.”
12. You say things like “If it wasn’t for HBO GO, I’d probably not follow through on this incredibly hyperbolic action I’m about to describe to you, that hopefully expresses how much I like HBO Go.”
13. You really can’t deal with this final season A and final season B nonsense.
14. You realized you haven’t watched a movie on Netflix in months. Not so much the fault of the movie selection as it is the fact that they now have The West Wing.
15. When seeing a bald person with a goatee walking down the street, you wonder where the hat is.
16. You’re completely aware that you’ve turned into that douchebag who makes esoteric references about D-List actors who appear in the Friday Night Lights for five minutes. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. Glenn.
17. Sunday Nights are no longer filled with the usual doom and gloom.
18. You could look at this “HBO recycling“chart for hours.
19. You hear OZ is like, the best out of all of them. But you’re reluctant to watch it because it’s not part of “the conversation” for whatever reason.
20. “Just one episode” at 11 pm is amongst the most deadliest phrases of all-time. On more than one occasion, “just one episode” has turned into “up till 5.”
21. After watching a particularly great episode, you’re convinced that time is a fundamentally inaccurate measurement. No chance that gloriousness was the same length as that extra hour in the office.