6 Rejection-Proof Ways To Catch The Attention Of The Cute, Quiet Guy At The Bar

A few weeks ago I was at the apartment of a friend nearly 20 years my senior. He’s a blue collar guy through and through–Staten Island bred and born, operates a business that he himself built from very little, and comes at ya with a New York accent thicker than the applewood smoked bacon I imagine he pounds on the reg. The type of guy that’s “seen things, man”–but more in a three steps removed, “I might know people in the mob but I’m never gonna get involved” kind of way as opposed to 60’s style “society is evil, man” hippie way.

As I’m leaving his very nice apartment, my friend–lets call him Harry–makes a comment about how all this #gentrification has kinda taken away his thunder. How he now looks much less like a dude who you wouldn’t want to cross in a dark alley, and more like like a gay single dad taking his daughter to dance class. Seeing his oddly forlorn expression, it was clear he’s somewhat nostalgic for the old, drug-riddled and prostitute stricken New York. His New York. A New York where guys walked into bars without hooded sweatshirts and iPod headphones. Back when guys just got to the point.

That hero has been replaced by guys like me–guys who prefer posting up against the bar wall instead of making moves. Guys who aren’t sure if chasing after women is a waste of their time, or if getting rejection is way too terrifying to handle. The type of guy idealized as strong and silent, but in reality is just half a wimp who wouldn’t be able to handle the old New York City. The guy playing the long game, and the guy, for better or for worse, doesn’t seem interested in making the first move.

From what I’ve heard–and from what the funnyman Aziz Ansari seems to indicate–girls can be much more attracted to these types. With that in mind, here’s some rejection proof (ish**) ways you can get their attention:


1. Head Nod, Disappear, Gauge, Engage

While this clearly sounds like one of these pickup tactic books that people buy when they blame their dry spell on millennial technology dependence, it’s a surefire way to determine whether or not he is interested in you.

The head nod solidifies the “oh I see you,” the disappear makes him believe you’ve got other options if necessary, and the gauge (looking at him from afar, determining whether or not he’s trying to look for you) should seal the deal. Engage by straight walking up to him–it gives off the unmistakable cue that you are very much interested, while also giving you enough agency (he now has to talk or dance with you) to determine if his general essence backs up his looks and attractive brooding.

2. “Accidentally” Bump Into Him, And Follow Up

A great tactic through and through. Given that people ages 18-27 oftentimes decide to frequent social establishments with population densities worthy of a Walmart on Black Friday, the first part is very unexceptional.

But because human manners predicate that conversation must occur (via @SoSorryAboutThat), the floodgates have been open. Simply say some other sort of sentence, and he’ll know that this bump was wholly intentional–that it was something straight out of a rom-com he secretly loves. You are Julia Roberts in her heyday.

3. Tell Him He Looks Really Familiar

As the previous topics indicate, the key to cracking this guy’s code is to pull Inception on him–in the sense that you need to convince him that it’s actually you who is making the first move.

On a general level, this can easily be accomplished by saying something incredibly non-substantial, but something that forces him to respond, hopefully in a creative or funny manner. All you really have to do is to establish that you two are having a conversation–then, simply sit back and see if he’s got the game you’ve been hoping for.

4. Drunkenly Call Him Out On His Shit

At some point, you’ve gotta question the reluctance. Digging deep will sometimes merit resilience on his end, and it will sometimes merit a thought-provoking response that will make you swoon more than that stage one beard he’s rocking. This is how you immediately get to his core. Find out what he’s made of.

5. Carry Cigarettes, Offer Him One

Cigarettes, in addition to killing people, also seem to be responsible for 78% of late-night sexual deals sealed–particularly in the aformentioned Walmart on Black Friday demographic, where actual in-bar conversation can be more difficult than getting a straight answer out of your ex-landlord when you ask about that long overdue security deposit.

If you offer him a cigarette and he refuses, it likely means that he’s simply never been in that situation before, and will proceed to spend the next 4 months beating himself up over such a dumb blunder. Either that or he recently quit, and doesn’t want to go back to smoking a pack a day/blowing all his money/dying at age 47. But it’s a risk worth taking, I daresay.

6. Talk To His Friend/Group Of Friends

Men are competitive, but men also tend to inadvertently cockblock each other with a remarkable consistency. I.e., if you’ve ever seen a group of guys hanging out with one or two girls, it’s not even a question where all the focus is.

So talk to his friend, watch your target semi-pathetically waddle over, then lose all interest because he can’t even man up to talk to you. That’s how it’s done. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Lance Pauker

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