Curb Your Enthusiasm 1. The Birthday Cutoff
“There’s gotta be a time, there’s gotta be a cutoff point where you can’t have birthday parties. You’re so desperate for a party that you have to have a party two weeks after? Wait till next year, you missed it!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mucLKYobmkQ&w=584&h=390]
2. The Sorry Window
“Two years, you’re still getting sorries? I don’t think so, that’s a long time for sorries. That’s like saying Happy New Year in October.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHSIYGP0l_w&w=584&h=390]
3. The Five Second Rule
“She went over the appropriate amount of time I could have human contact without getting aroused…I only have five seconds, after that it’s out of my control.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW7s6ynwlpY&w=584&h=390]
4. The Stop And Chat
“He wanted a stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxorHc_-Gew&w=584&h=390]
5. The Non Recommend-Recommend
“When I called you I told that he asked me to recommend him so I’m “recommending” him. I put quotes around it…I thought you would pick up that it was a non-recommend recommend!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkmrDvKPdps&w=584&h=390]
6. The Adult Critique
“I didn’t piss on the buds…I helped the buds grow. I’m good for the buds.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkmrDvKPdps&w=584&h=390]
7. Coach-ey in First Class
“Just cause I’m sitting but there you’re making a generalization about me…I’m not a first class person, I’m coachy!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeIKMAdZ9bY&w=584&h=390]
8. Waiting Room Policies
“What is it like a bakery? You pick a number and the first number goes?…why even give out appointments, for this policy you don’t even need appointments!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIVYdd60eNs&w=584&h=390]
9. The Glass Clutch
“When I’m in social situations I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knjBmIo36X4&w=584&h=390]
10. The Air Condition Compromise
“I wanna sleep in 68 degree temperature, she wants 75, let’s compromise at 72!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_snOFvMX718&w=584&h=390]
11. Elevator Etiquette
“I didn’t mean to waste twelve seconds of your precious time…I decided to go to someplace else, I didn’t realize it was illegal in your world!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxadhjsy1UI&w=584&h=390]
12. The Bluetooth Fakeout
“So I’m on the 14th hole, ok Lloyd, he’s got these great Cuban cigars…”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0uTi2qkgf0&w=584&h=390]
13. Elevating Small Talk To Medium Talk
“I’m trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOVWS7r9ADY&w=584&h=390]
14. The Chat And Cut
“She’s feigning familiarity with someone she vaguely knows for the sole purpose of cutting in line.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77bW1aMAkhs&w=584&h=390]
15. Tip Coordinating
“You don’t believe in tip-coordination? Is that it.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twnEWSfDjFY&w=584&h=390]
16. The “What” In No Matter What
“You said no matter what…this is the ‘what!'”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCX_TcKDr4w&w=584&h=390]
17. Anonymous Donations
“Nobody told me that I can be anonymous and tell people. I would’ve taken that option. You can’t have it halfway…you’re either anonymous, or you’re not! What is it!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqncCjxGqGw&w=584&h=390]
18. Shorts Are Bad For Traveling
“I’m comfortable in pajamas, but I don’t wear pajamas on a plane!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBlRmAAp6J8&w=584&h=390]
19. Handicapped Bathroom Etiquette
“We don’t like being referred to as normal…we’re able bodied.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgedBRXw7fY&w=640&h=480]
20. Always Hold Your Own Popcorn
“I find human contact repulsive.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbIlmYEzlYU&w=584&h=390]
21. The Perfect Latte Order
“I’ll have a vanilla…one of the vanilla bullshit things.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBNOB7FkSSM&w=584&h=390]
