Closure is bullshit.
I know a lot of people in shrink circles talk about “making your peace”, and “burying the hatchet”, and some other, very non-specific things that imply taking the higher road in the name of getting closure. People seem to think – in light of the vulnerability movement and the high premium placed on emotional honesty – that closure is what we all want, and what we should strive for.
I say: bullshit.
Closure is nice, but not something you can manufacture easily, nor is it something that you should hang your hopes on. Closure makes you reliant on other people achieving the emotional maturity to see their own flaws and finding the bravery to admit it. You can die waiting for closure.
Letting go is healthier.
You don’t need other people to let go.
Moreover, you don’t even need to be fully healed to let go.
Whenever I hit a hard patch in my life, it was undoubtedly hard, but no matter what the initial hurt was like, it was inevitably made worse by my obsessing over the feelings of my aggressors. Bullied? Oh, but think of how bad the other person must have it! Having rumors spread about me? They must have a terrible home life. Abusing my trust, thus making it harder for me to form friendships? They must really hate themselves.
So much time and energy trying to get in the heads of people who had no such considerations for me. So much effort spent trying to unravel the motives of people who have no interest in becoming better. Chasing closure from them was like digging a well in a desert with no shade – a whole lot of effort for little to no payoff.
It wasn’t until I stopped caring for those people – when I stopped needing their participation to heal – that I, ironically, started to get better.
Because letting go isn’t forgiveness.
Letting go isn’t forgetting.
Letting go isn’t re-committing to a relationship that doesn’t feel satisfying to you.
Letting go is hitting the block button and going full steam ahead, as much as you can. Letting go is committing to yourself and your own mental health only. Letting go is simply put, to stop giving a shit about the people who hurt you.
You’ve got to wonder why her theme song was the smash hit.