Holly Riordan

Whenever your mouth needs a rest, stick to using your hands and take the time to talk dirty to him. Tell him how much you love feeling his cock harden in your mouth and how you can’t wait to swallow his cum.

You climb under the covers so you can cuddle with them, even if you’re boiling hot and don’t understand why the hell they need to wear three blankets at once.

“It quickly escalates to Mr. Krabs tormenting Plankton to the point where he never leaves the Chum Bucket, has nightmares, and eventually attempts suicide. I am not exaggerating at all.”

“He asked me questions about my physical appearance and then started asking me creepy things like if I had pubic hair or wore a bra.”

Suck on one of his fingers. That way, he can imagining you going down on him while he’s going down on you.

“Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan: In addition to incest, this novel contains a shit ton of gang rape scenes and mentions of suicide.”

“Okay, I sound like an ass, but sometimes I like my ex’s pictures, just to mess with her.”

He sends you good morning texts every single day, so you always have something nice to wake up to.

Resist the urge to call him out on social media or post mopey song lyrics about your breakup. Instead, post statuses about the epic concert you just went to or the new car you just bought. Your happiness will drive him nuts.

Have you ever heard of mirroring? It’s when he’ll scratch his head when you scratch your head and lick his lips when you lick your lips. It’s a definite sign that he’s interested.

Scorpio: When you’re drunk, you become self-destructive. Even though you know better, you’ll pick up your phone and text your ex about how much you miss them–or about what a complete and utter ass they are.

The Maze Runner: You want someone who can lift you over their shoulders with their thick muscles, but can also get all the answers right when you watch Jeopardy.

Head to an ice cream shop, but instead of loading up on soft serve, buy a milkshake and stick two straws in it.

Even though I knew the visions had no bearing on my real life, they still messed with my mind. Like bad dreams. When you know your boyfriend isn’t actually cheating on you, but you can’t push away the mental image of him bending your best friend over your bed and shoving his cock in her.

If we say something, we mean it, because we’ve had the argument with you twenty times in our head before it became a reality.

The first time you start referring to their pets as your children.

“That’s when I realize, a little dizzy, that the snake’s jaws are very very wide and there are two little legs sticking out of it. I think the legs were still twitching, struggling, alive.”

“Skinwalker Ranch is a ranch in Northeast Utah where in the 90s the owners reported weird phenomena like giant wolf-like creatures attacking their cattle and taking multiple rifle shots without flinching, then apparently vanishing into thin air, floating orbs of light, bigfoot-like creatures, and cattle mutilations.”