18. “Thanks…son…”

The first time my Dad met one of my girlfriends from College was when he just waltz into my room and found us in the middle of sex, doggy style, facing the door. Those two seconds of eye contact felt like a lifetime. He never mentioned it again though, I like to think he felt a ounce of pride, and he got to see some 19 year old boobs.

19. “U HAVIN’ A GIGGLE M8?”

Not a parent, but the night my sister’s ex met my parents, he went off on a tangent about how proud he was not to work, and how good it is that the state gives him food stamps and welfare. My dad, who’s been a consistently hard worker his entire life, about blew a fuse that night.

The ex continued his jackassery for some time, but shortly after he recommended to my sister that they move into Section 8 housing, that’s when she had the sense to call it quits.