Charlie Shaw

Never built one, but I did find one in a house I was doing some plumbing work in once. This was an expensive condo, and they had a secret office that had a secret one-way mirror looking into the GUEST SHOWER.

My second grade teacher told me I was adopted. I was and did not know it up until then.

Their sneaky silent farts.

He gave me a picture of “him.” It was an old pic of him and his ex cut in half. He cut it right in front of me and put the other half back in his drawer.

Luckily at this point, he identified himself as a police officer and showed me a badge. I had delivered pizza into the middle of a drug raid!

It was Halloween so everyone was in costume. This one dude was dressed as jack sparrow. Cops come in and the guy, who was super hammered at this point stands right next to an open window and says “you’ll always remember this as the day you almost caught jack sparrow,” proceeds to jump out the second story window and break his leg.

Danish teacher here. A 1st grader came up to me, looked my straight in my eyes and said nothing for ten seconds. Then she spoke, telling me how she wished the “blood red pigeons from the lake would come to take her away.”

Calling the teacher mom by accident was easily the most awkward. All the other kids look at you like you just shit yourself, meanwhile the teacher is at a loss of words.