1. Christian Bale.
Served Christian Bale a latte at work, he went and stood facing the wall, like a child’s punishment until his coffee was ready. People were more bemused by his behavior, thus giving him slightly more attention.
2. Matthew Perry.
Matthew Perry playing tennis in London, telling me to fuck off at the age of 8 when I asked for his autograph. Think it was during his painkiller addiction.
3. Aphex Twin.
I saw Aphex Twin on a train to London. I walked up the isle and said “hey, you’re Richard James (his name) right?” He replied, “Yeah, you want a sweet?” and proceeded to give me a steak and cheese flavored hard candy… It actually tasted like steak and cheese… WTF.
4. Amy Winehouse.
Amy Winehouse knocked my pint out my hand in The Good Mixer pub in London, then sung an apology. That was…Unique!
5. Muhammad Ali.
I met Muhammad Ali at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. By the time my dad and I reached him in the giant crowd of people around him, he was out of “pre-signed autograph slips”. So he saw me, a 7-year-old kid, standing in front of him and decided to pick me up above his above his head and he kissed me on the cheek. I get out down and as we’re walking away my dad asks if I knew who that was. I said no and started crying while my dad started laughing in delight because his son just met The Greatest.
6. Frank Zappa.
My mom met Frank Zappa, and he ate a salad with his hands.
7. Steven Tyler.
When I was a little I was having Chinese food with my mom in some hole in the wall place in Vancouver, and Steven Tyler came in, and saw me and said I was so cute, and gave me his bandana.
8. Amanda Seyfried and Tom Hanks.
My older brother was at a bar in LA during the night of one of the huge award shows. When he was reaching for his beer Amanda Seyfried (Karan in Mean Girls) took it and walked out of the bar without looking back. The guy next to him patted him on the back and offered a drink on him. It was Tom Hanks. What a class act.
9. Mel Gibson.
I met Mel Gibson one time (pre-racist meltdowns.) My uncle was one of his assistants and at the time, they were talking about how Mel was about to buy a jet. My uncle says: “Don’t you want to at least see it before you buy it?” Mel responded “What am I gonna do? Walk around and kick the tires?”
10. Salvador Dali.
My grandparents were in Girona, Spain a very long time ago when they met a strange man wearing a bowl of fruit on his head. They chatted for awhile and then parted ways. As they were walking off they turned to their guide and said “Aldolfo, did you see that lunatic?”
Aldolfo looked shocked and replied “that was senor Salvador Dali, he a very great man so please do not insult.”
11. Ozzy Osbourne.
I once met Ozzy Osbourne at a book signing. He never said anything to me or anyone else getting his signature, but when his security guard asked him if he’d like any more coffee I heard a faint and nearly inaudible “Nahthefuckincoffeesnobloodygoodatall” come out of his mouth.
12. Taylor Swift.
My friend gave Taylor Swift crabs.
They rented a beach house in Charleston and Taylor was there next-door neighbor. My buddy had been crabbing all day and offered them some of his catch. Apparently her backup dancers are even prettier.
13. John Lennon.
My dad got stuck on the median of Park Ave with John Lennon who was crossing the other way. My dad said “Surprised to see you here” and John answered, “well I’m surprised to see YOU here”. Then they just walked their separate ways.
14. Sylvester Stallone.
Sylvester Stallone came into my Urban Outfitters and bought this coffee mug we have where the handle is brass knuckles. Actually, he bought every single one we had. Go figure!
15. Bill Clinton.
I met Bill Clinton at a book signing and asked him if he likes squids. He said “Well to watch or to eat”? “To watch,” I responded. Bill was about to sign the next guy’s book and he pauses, cocks his head in my direction and says, “Yes I do.”
16. Pauly Shore.
I once had to throw Pauly Shore out of a strip club because he was snorting cocaine off of his table.
17. Jack Black.
When Jack Black was in Dawson City, in the Yukon, he was talking with a bunch of people, when this woman holding her baby comes up to talk to him. He asks her if he can hold her baby, so of course, she hands him her baby. Jack Black is standing there, holding this baby when he exclaims, “I think I’m going to keep him” and starts walking away. He turned around, handed the woman her baby and walked into the hotel.
18. Bruce Jenner.
My friend almost ran over Bruce Jenner as she was leaving a fast food parking lot. She stopped short of hitting him but he slammed his hand onto the hood of her car and gave a very stern look.
19. James Franco.
James Franco spoke at my university last year. I waited around after his talk with my friend because she wanted to try to get a photo with him. He was a great guy and took his time with all of the people there. I took the photo, we had a nice chat with him, and as we were heading off, she gave him a hug. I just looked at Franco and said, “Dude, don’t I get a hug, too?” He simply responded, “Come here, man.”
It was a great brohug.
20. Keanu Reeves.
I was behind Keanu Reeves at a local coffee/smoothie shop in Santa Monica, called Manny’s IIRC. When he ordered his smoothie he asked, in his best Bill and Ted voice, “Can I, um, like… Have a smoothie?”
21. Elijah Wood.
I spent an evening with Elijah Wood in a hot tub. We argued about smoking laws. He made out with a girl who thought he was Toby McGuire but kept calling him Toby Keith. We hugged before he left and our bare chests touched.
22. Seth Green.
Saw Seth Green in line checking out at Toy Tokyo in NYC during comic con last year. He was buying THOUSANDS of dollars worth of toys while his girlfriend (lady friend? female acquaintance?) was standing near by, arms folded, tapping foot annoyed as FUCK. Not too bizarre but super awkward. Also he’s as tall as a Lego guy.
Met Tupac summer of ’93. He had just done the movie Poetic Justice. He was performing at a Summer Jam show and apparently wanted some pizza that night. He did not have an entourage with him. It was just him walking alone back to his hotel from a nearby Pizza Hut. I cropped myself out of this pic because I took terrible pictures as a teen and the mean comments would hurt my feelings.
24. Ron Jeremy.
I was walking out of a 7-11 once when Ron Jeremy walked in. I just kind of looked at him with an “am I really seeing this” kind of look, he gave me a “yeah it’s me” shrug, we both went on with our lives.
25. Stevie Wonder.
I met Stevie Wonder on an airplane once. I was a kid so I knew a song or two, but I certainly didn’t know he was blind. I was extremely disappointed that he didn’t even acknowledge me while speaking to me. I though he was a douche for like two years after that until I found out.
26. Nick Jonas.
Nick Jonas came into the guitar center I worked at in Dallas a few Christmas’ back, absolute class. He had been given a $1000 gift card by someone and came in just to blow it.
He saw a kid playing a guitar with the expression of “dude, this thing is awesome…. but I’ll never afford it… ” He came up to us and very under the radar bought the kid a schecter hellraiser and a 75w line 6 amp. Went over, told the kid his stuff was waiting at the counter and to have a merry Christmas. We also had a conversation about SG’s.
I don’t really like teeny-pop, but after I saw that, I cant hate the Disney music machine as much.
27. Al Gore.
I worked at Blockbuster video a few years ago, and I got to tell Al Gore that he owed us 1.50 because he returned I Love You Man late.
28. Kelly Clarkson.
Kelly Clarkson touched my boob in Hawaii. We were both sunburnt, and now we are boob sisters because I touched her boob too.
29. Billy Crystal.
Billy Crystal turned around put his finger in his eye and gave me the stink eye for staring too long. Changed my perception of the guy, he was like “hey, asshole, take a picture why don’t ya.”
30. Andy Dick.
Walking home from a late night of work in San Francisco, I witnessed Andy Dick getting kicked out of a club. He was really intoxicated and I honestly have no idea what he was doing earlier that night, but I did help him into a cab and gave the cab driver $20 to make sure he could get to his hotel room safely.
31. Khloe Kardashian.
I literally just waited on Khloe Kardashian. She’s a fucking bitch. Nothing really bizarre, just wanted to share.
32. Bill Murray.
A friend of mine always tells the story of his encounter with Bill Murray. Whilst walking home from a near-by Dominoes pizza back to the house, Bill Murray comes up behind my friend, takes the pizza and runs away with it shouting “No one’s going to believe you!”
My mom got to meet and dance with Prince at a club in Miami a while back before she had me. He asked her if she wanted to go back to his place (probably to do the deed) but she denied…or so I hope.
34. Charles Barkley.
My uncle was once told by Charles Barkley “you are the ugliest ball boy I have ever seen.”
35. O.J. Simpson.
Not encounter, but biggest effect on my life for sure: 100% positive my mother slept with O.J. Simpson, on a cruise ship in 1992 at the Barcelona Olympics.
36. Kanye West.
I met Kanye West at what used to be the Virgin Megastore on Michigan Ave. He was buying Jay-Z’s Black Album. When my friend and I asked him why he was buying a CD he had a part in. He replied with “I gotta support myself too,” and proceeded to shake our hands and talk about his work with Kweli. Cool guy despite his arrogant ways.
37. Susan Sarandon.
Walked into the bathroom stall Susan Sarandon was walking out of at Pittsburgh airport when I was young. Apparently actors poop too.
38. Quentin Tarantino.
I was recently (see: a few months ago) at a dive bar. Quentin Tarantino came in. Mountain of a man, much bigger than I expected him to be. He kindly chatted to everyone that came up to him. If you were a woman, he propositioned every. Single. One. For sex at the end of the conversation.