How To Always Be Unhappy
Always blame things on your parents and childhood. Maybe you were dealt a bad hand and some pretty horrible things happened to you. Or maybe your parents just didn’t buy you enough crap. Whatever the case may be, hold on to terrible things with an iron grip. Never let go.
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I write and edit Thought Catalog. I'm a brat. Send me fun things at ryan@thoughtcatalog.com 
Dating Hiatus: Day Three
I’ve been perched in front of a dating slot machine this past year; pulling the lever over and over again, encouraging myself to keep going out because I might be just one spin away from the jackpot. A “win” for me would be to meet someone who I want to spend two or three nights a week with. I’m not looking to get married or preggo or even split my rent.
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She used to produce movies in Hollywood. Now she writes stuff in New York.
What My Obituary Might Look Like At Different Points In My Life
A local as-yet-unrecognized child prodigy, 8, cried herself to death after her parents wouldn’t let her have just one more packet of Gushers before bed. She loved Nancy Drew books, the movie Harriet the Spy, and her unicorn wallpaper.
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Gaby Dunn is a writer, journalist and comedian in New York City.
She is an editor at Thought Catalog and a ... 
Don’t Have Sex So Close To Me
I can’t overstate the importance of people not having sex on the sofa bed next to my door. It’s simply unthinkable. It absolutely must not occur for my mental machinery to run properly during the daytime for I am a pure soul of delicate sensibilities, and I do not wish to be tainted by the lurid perversions of my morally deficient roommates.
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Brad Pike is a writer and performer in Chicago. His writing has been featured on The Sixth Wall, Thought Catalog, The ... 
What Life Was Like In The Time Of MySpace
A year or two before it became a radio single, I had a scrambled, low-fi recording of “Hey There, Delilah” set to play whenever someone visited my MySpace profile. Of all of the songs in the world, I chose “Hey There, Delilah” as the song I wanted to be identified with. Living in a snap judgment, profile picture world, this seems like a bold – if not asinine – choice.
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Steph is a former editor at Thought Catalog and a current writer at Gawker Media. Her work has been featured on ... 
