Once you understand that you don’t have to get wasted, sleep with a random, and vomit in a trashcan to have a successful Friday night, you can actually get the good kind of drunk and have the good kind of fun. When people had Walks of Shame in college, they were actually secretly happy about it. Shaming was seen as a good thing.
New York is like a fucking college campus, down to catching your friend on her bi-weekly walk of shame while you’re on your way to work. You can hit it off with someone who seemed like they moved to New York specifically for you; just to be charming and interesting with a side of mind-blowing sex, but when you finally look them up on Facebook the reality is much bleaker than that.
And finally, the real secret to dating (and life) is just to be the most amazing version of yourself possible. It sounds corny, but it’s true! Don’t be one of those loser people who sit around smoking weed, doing nothing and hating the world all day, because no one loves them.
‘Melancholy’ is in and of itself a fascinating word. Visually, at least, it could be like a homophone of ‘symphony’, as in an assemblage of beautiful instruments, as it ends in the same sometimes-vowel and contains the same orchestra of consonant blends, the sort that migrate softly from the wet and rarely-used places of the tongue…
Among the amazing tidbits of information: Meth heads will always S your D whereas stoners never like to do it, Punky Brewster is the poster child for Ecstasy and cocaine users like to wear Ed Hardy!
The song is essentially all about moving out of your parents house and going away to college. I mean, she talks about spreading your wings and taking a risk, which loosely translates to moving into a 5 x 5 dorm room with a stranger who deals Ecstasy. Right?
You can relate to your friends who have been in relationships. There’s no longer this awkward divide between you two. You get it! All those times they bitched to you about a poorly worded text message makes sense! You’re sorry to ever have thought they were just being a crazy bitch!
Look around campus and realize the breadth of notable alumnus: a slew of former U.S. Presidents, ambassadors, authors, artists, and CEOs. Jump at the thought that some of said luminaries may have lived in your room, down the hall, or sat in your chair in your classroom.
Terrible movies that are totally awesome are the kind you either won’t admit to liking, or proclaim you like because you’re trying to be ironic. Terrible movies that are totally awesome are movies with cheesy-ass special effects, sensational plots and an extreme disregard for reality. Terrible movies are terrible, but they’re also awesome.
It’s interesting to think about why we were so willing destroy our bodies at seventeen. Being a teenager was all about “Yes. Give me that! Why not? I might projectile vomit? Cool! I haven’t done that since I was five!” Being in your twenties, however is all about being neurotic. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe. I have a gluten allergy so I can’t drink that beer.”
If I were a teenager or young adult back then, I would’ve been like, “Oh, TLC? Yeah, they totally invented the condom eye patch. Rad girls.” But I was a kid, so I was more like, “WTF? What’s that neon green thing covering that one’s eye and where do I get one? What’s a condom?!”
Get accepted into a “competitive” fellowship or internship or entry level lobbying position, whatever. Think this is it: it’s only a matter of time before you are saving the world (or securing a “real” job). Look on Craigslist for an apartment…see the price of a one bedroom condo by the Capitol is $2700.00. Silently squeal to yourself.
Heightening the aforementioned emotional experiences is the ominous unanswered text message. Perhaps you’re just reaching out as a gesture of thoughtfulness, or perhaps it’s a deeper expression of longing, but whatever it is, if it goes unanswered, it can be, and usually is, quite hurtful.
Someone has power over you. They have the ability to make you sublimely happy and they can also make you feel super depressed. You lose slight control over your moods. When you enter a relationship, it’s as if you sign a contract that says, “I give you 70% of my feelings. I acknowledge that you can play with them, make them feel good, and I also acknowledge that you can fucking destroy them.”
I’ve thought a lot about whether or not to have sex on the first date, and a lot of people have told me that I ought to take things a little slower. I’ve given that advice careful consideration, and with that careful consideration, I’ve decided that it’s not advice I want to follow. If sex presents itself on a first date and it seems appealing, the reasons to go for it are plentiful, and the reasons not to, insignificant.
Being either a gay man or a girl means there is a good chance you’re hungry right now. If you add “works in fashion”, you’re just straight up starving all the time. And the most disturbing aspect of it all? It’s acceptable, it’s encouraged, it’s a damn joke.
On the most basic level, movies simply ask for a type of attentiveness that is hard to muster if you’re depressed. Cerebral films tend to have a lot of silences and moments where the spectator is encouraged to reflect on the images. That’s fine, but when you’re depressed, the only reflecting you’ll be doing is on various sad thoughts and anxieties floating around in your head.
Facebook has no influence on the relationships that actually matter to me. It’s the people on the periphery who get to stick around past their expiration date. If I deleted it, those are the kinds of people who would become casualties.