5 Things That Happen At A High School Party

When I was in high school, I threw my fair share of parties. The reason being that my mother was stupid and always seemed to go out of town on major holidays like Halloween and New Year’s Eve. Before she left, she would always give me the same defeated look and say meekly, “Please don’t throw a party while I’m away” and I would give her my word that I wouldn’t while sending a mass text to my friends that read “PARTY AT MI HOUSE!”  Now that I’m an old 24-year-old man, those days are sadly long behind me, but at least I have the memories!


When you first start drinking, you’re basically a garbage disposal for the foulest of liquors. “Is that Popov? Yum. Talk about fancy!” You will drink anything and everything because you haven’t developed a taste for booze yet and you’re also incapable of getting a hangover. I remember nights when everyone would chug terrifying amounts of vodka and somehow wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed four hours later. You would only complain about having a hangover because you felt like you had to. “Yikes. I’m so tired. This hangover is the worst!” A year or two later, you’ll realize that a hangover is a lot more brutal than letting out a casual yawn and craving a burrito.

The # 1 rule of drinking in high school is that you’re not wasted until you’re puking and/or unconscious. There is no such thing as having two glasses of wine before bed. Ew! Why would you do that when you can vomit?! With that state of mind, you can guarantee someone will be vomiting at a high school party. I once went to a birthday party during senior year in which everyone vomited. It was like some Stand By Me shit. People were puking on the floors, on the lawn, in the bedrooms. The one person who didn’t vomit was eating the birthday cake all by herself on the couch while surrounded by puke. It was weird.

It’s interesting to think about why we were so willing destroy our bodies at seventeen. Being a teenager was all about “Yes. Give me that! Why not? I might projectile vomit? Cool! I haven’t done that since I was five!” Being in your twenties, however is all about being neurotic. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe. I have a gluten allergy so I can’t drink that beer.” or “Oh I had a bad experience with that drug and can’t do it again. Thanks though!” Your teenager self would be like, “Get a grip, boring person. LET’S RAGE!”


Sometime between the first drink and the projectile vomiting, there will be that person who starts crying hysterically. It will happen in an instant. One minute they’ll be dancing to “Come On Eileen” and the next, they’ll be blubbering to their best girl friend Cynthia in the bathroom. Oh my god, the infamous hand grab to the bathroom: “I need to talk to you!” as you rush someone into a random’s bathroom and start sobbing and spilling your guts. When I threw a party on Halloween, my best friend got naked wearing only a tutu, had sex with her boyfriend in my mother’s bed and then started sobbing hysterically, claiming that her boyfriend of two years just raped her. We knew this wasn’t true only because we all eavesdropped on the sex and heard every single thing. She never said “no” but she did say “choke me” and “your dick is huge.” Honorable mention: Once a girl we didn’t really know showed up to my best friend’s party and proceeded to lose her damn mind. She made out with this boy while quite literally sobbing. In between kisses, she would just wail. She then decided to lock herself in the bathroom for the entire night, which would’ve been fine if there had been more than one bathroom in the house.


This is an unfortunate combo but it does happen. In between retching, you’re just like crying so hard and wanting to die while everyone watches you and takes pictures of it with their camera phones.


By the time one a.m. rolls around at a high school party, everyone is either passed out or having sex in a weird location. These parties were all about hooking up. People would just throw them so they could have an excuse to get drunk with their crush (by the way, I still do that) and make out with them in the backyard or the laundry room. Things get really special though when someone loses their virginity at a party. One of my best friends did! She had sex with her high school boyfriend on her best friend’s mom’s bed and we all started screaming in excitement. We later found out that she had lost her virginity via anal sex.


At my New Year’s Eve party, a boy I was dating managed to make out with two people who weren’t me and we had a dramatic fight in front of all the partygoers. At another party, someone got into a fight with the older sister of a guy she had just slept with. This is because she had been telling everyone that the guy had a small penis, which I guess the sister found insulting. At one of the random parties I threw, a friend of mine stole sixty dollars from a mutual friend of ours. When I found out it was her, I asked her why she did it and she said it was because our friend had made a disparaging comment about homeless people. WTF? Teenagers are out of their mind!

Oh my god, writing this makes me want to go to a high school party so bad. Will anyone invite me to theirs? TC mark

image – Clueless

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • Jane

    Hilarious! Literally laughed out loud. So spot on!

  • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

    Ahh, the good ol' puke and cry! So much scope for blackmail material with that one.

    Brilliant article!

  • http://twitter.com/becki_says_rawr Becki Barlow

    this is scarily accurate. ahh, memories. unfortunately i was the designated hold-hair-back-er, pick-everyone-up-off-the-floor-er and on one occasion put-the-unconcious-girl-in-the-recovery-position-and-call-the-cops-on-the-guy-with-the-knife-er. i never went back to another of that guy's parties…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    i wish i knew more kids in high school

  • http://twitter.com/jesuswantsme sara

    i'm still in high school there's this party soon and i plan on making out with this guy i've crushed on for a while. i'm dead serious too..

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=300901223 Nicolette Beach

      Fantastic commentary to this article. /Idon'tmisshighschoolatall

  • Mandy Krueger

    I'm LOL'ing at work.

  • Jukie

    enjoyed the reminisce, but don't you want to check grammatical errors or have someone else read it before you post?  (Popov, one am?)

  • sidebar

    5 Things that will happen at a goth party in high school

    1. no one will puke
    2. there will be red velvet cake
    3.  Some one will be led around on a leash
    4. Everyone will be like so stoned
    5. Everyone will get bitten

  • mopester

    Its ur lucky day Ryan…I'm going to a limo party tonite. i live in nyc lets get fucked up!

    • Ryan O'Connell

      omg beb that sounds like so much fun!

  • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

    What about that guy at the party who would always end up wasted and taking a bath and falling asleep in the only bathroom with/out his clothes on in the house of some stranger and/or Ramada?

    And you'd have to pee but he's in the bath and its kind of weird but he's your friend so its okay except you don't actually want anyone else to know he's your friend bc hello, he's in their bathtub.

    • http://twitter.com/emibookie Emily Vasquez

      Like in 'Kids”?

      • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

        I never saw it but maybe that's where that guy got the idea? Did it happen at every.single.party. even the one time you saw him 3 years later in college?

  • SisterRay

    Love the article, just noticed the picture…Suck and blow is a GAME, Elton!

  • http://twitter.com/maggie44 Maggie Lee

    Prom and the Seaside (Jersey Shoreeeee w/ Snookiiiiii yeah um no) next weekend.  You are fucking more than welcome to join
    hmu bbs;-*: http://www.twitter.com/maggie44

  • Straightlaced

    I'm 18 and I'm graduating from high school in a matter of weeks. I've never been to a party or done anything “bad” or rebellious. I'm starting to get really upset about this. Seems bleak?

    • mm

      haha me too. 

      my parties were never “parties” i call them “hangouts” which consist of Apples to Apples, Guitar Hero, and FUN FUN FUN

    • CRO

      I 'm the same age. I drank, smoked, amongst other sorts of self destruction. I've been yelled at by cops, and spray painted stupid shit in stupid places. This guide to high school parties seems far too bleak to me. And while I can drink enough to be drunk till the next afternoon (with out the vomiting / crying) with out a real hangover I plan on taking advantage of it. 

      I rock AP classes, and have fun at parties.

      But I don't think it's bleak… Just a different high school experience.

    • Get fucked up

      Honestly I think everyone should get fucked up in their high school career it’s just natural. I don’t know any people (who have friends) who haven’t gotten high or drunk. I’m not saying that it’s cool, because I’m not proud that I drink every weekend, and no I’m not saying that it’s right, it’s still illegal, and should be done with care.

  • I must say...

    This is what I hate about our generation. We are nostalgic for things that happened, like, five minutes ago! How can you be twenty-year-old and think your best days are behind you? We click through Facebook albums, reminiscing about freshman year or some shit,  instead of making memories.

  • http://twitter.com/Sscottie Scott Lewis

    someone has to ask you “why don't you like me?”

  • http://twitter.com/bleedingmadras Grant Sorenson

    “I once went to a birthday party during senior year in whicheveryone vomited. It was like some Stand By Me shit. People were puking on the floors, on the lawn, in the bedrooms. The one person who didn’t vomit was eating the birthday cake all by herself on the couch while surrounded by puke. It was weird.”

    This is just all too real. I laughed out loud at this paragraph. Love you Ryan.

  • ber

    graduated last night. all of these things happened at the after party. oh my gosh, I don't want to leeeeave

  • Anon

    once a girl with no friends hosted a party in her parents' mansion — the parents had a huge bed with a peach satin comforter and someone took a perfectly curly shit directly in the middle of it.


    I'm in high school and lost my virginity at a party some random guy had in his dad's bed! ahaha…

    • Thumbs Up

      *slow clap*

  • http://twitter.com/and_susan Susie Anderson

    'Gee, I don’t know. Maybe. I have a gluten allergy so I can’t drink that beer' yes

    '…have an excuse to get drunk with their crush (by the way, I still do that) ' me 2

    we used to throw parties and tell our parents we were watching dvds or rollerskating

  • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

    You've convinced me to find a high school party next weekend in the hope that I can be person 1 through 5.

  • geoff123

    I was a loser in high school. Reading this article makes me sad.

    • Anon

      haha I feel you. Hopefully im going to one tonight. Hopefully….

  • Andrew

    In high school, I once puked all over my friend's guest room and bed to the
    point where they had to replace the carpet for the entire room.

    • logan

      Lmao! Dude u must have puked s much and I’m dying right now

  • Nennynuna


    Someone breaks the leg off the antique chair handed down the family for 5 generations, your mothers irreplaceable painting gets knocked off the wall and the glass cracks, the sprinkler on the front lawn is uncontrollably shooting water, the doggie door flap is missing.

  • Dom

    i remember getting a new bff at all the high school parties 

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