Thought Catalog

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You’re wasting your time trying to change a tin man. You’re wasting on your heart on him. You’re wasting away and your getting so tired. So stop. Stop hoping that it will work out. Stop praying that he will be different tomorrow or the next day, or the next day.

My heart is mine. It’s not yours. It does not belong in your hands and it is not your property. So don’t act like you can toss it around like a bowling ball. Don’t act like it’s yours for taking, like it’s something that you can own. Like I’m something you can own.

It is mind numbingly terrifying. Like you’ve been strapped in a non stop rollercoaster that has no intention of stopping. It’s the drop in your stomach type of feeling that feels like it will never end. It’s petrifying.

This is on him. This is all his fault. You did nothing to deserve this. You did nothing to deserve this pain and this hole in your heart. One day, you are going to look back and be grateful that he left. One day, you are going to look back and wonder what you ever even saw in him.

It’s sleeping over at their place to try to ease your aching mind. It’s not being able to relax because you’re so wrapped up in your head, instead of being wrapped up in his arms.

Date the person who loves you for your wounds and flaws and cracks. Who loves you through the ups and downs and dips that life throws at both of you. Date the person who adores you through all the fire and rain and thunderstorms inside your heart. Who shows up for you, no matter the wreckage that you could potentially send their way.

Nothing is ever going to remain the same. Everything is constantly changing, evolving and growing. And just like your relationships are changing, your heart is too. With goodbyes, comes growth. Growth in your core. Growth in your soul. Growth in your heart. And growth in your own self love journey.

I don’t want to be burned anymore. I don’t want to keep hurting. I don’t want to keep allowing myself stand to the side while everyone else takes center stage. I keep getting shot at. I keep getting punched. Yet still I smile. Still I say please and thank you. Still, I give.

Stop looking for love. Stop chasing it. Stop running for it. I know you’re tired. I know you’re lonely. But you’re the only one who can fix that. You are the only one can learn to love yourself. You are the only one who can work on bettering yourself and becoming a better person.

Be the type of woman who finds worth in herself without validation from other people. Be the type of woman who loves herself without needing love from anyone else. And be the type of woman who never chases someone who isn’t chasing her back.

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