Lawless book-borrower Jessekah Few of Baytown, Texas was arrested on Thanksgiving Day for charges related to library books due to be returned seven years ago. Few was arrested after failing to appear in court to address the case of the missing library property, which she claims was destroyed in a fire at her house.
There’s nothing out of the ordinary in this clip, just a teenager getting high and saying really embarrassing stuff. In fact, the most shocking part of the video is the fact that they’re listening to Bush at a house party. Really, guys? Bush? Rude.
It was only a matter of time before the trailer for the Jodie Foster film The Beaver got recut with audio from Mel Gibson’s angry, racist rants. Video Inside.
Few things on the Internet are actually heartwarming. Viral videos, in particular, are usually depressing or weird or weirdly depressing. But that’s why videos like this one are so great.
Imagine M.I.A. idly making insanely loud whale noises while jogging through a crowded park on a beautifully sunny day in April or October. Imagine Gucci Mane making attention-seekingly loud whale noises as he brusquely “storms” out of an Office Depot after a 15-minute argument with an employee about the extra costs of reformatting his external hard drive.
The kids would call him horrible names and Freddy would just cry and cry and cry. When he would get home from school, he would quell his sadness by reading old issues of Vogue and creating amazing mood boards.
Be open about your personal life, but do not accidentally tell the story of how you drank two bottles of wine and awoke on the kitchen floor to the smell of burning noodles on the stove.
“The unjust restrictions you impose on us will meet with disaster and only strengthen our resolve to disobey… Such actions taken against you and those you outsource your malignant litigation to are inevitable and unavoidable and unstoppable. We are Anonymous. We are legion divided by zero. We do not forgive internet censorship and we do not forget free speech,” Anon’s synthetic voice warns. Video inside.
I got three-week old puppy. What did you get?
The thrill of checking GYNO/GET ON BIRTH CONTROL off of my to-do list was like checking off “LAUNDRY” times a thousand. I have brought it up to my mother at least five times and she gets really annoyed and makes a comment about how I have no boundaries.
Christian Guy: Woah, I love hot fudge sundaes! Are you in a relationship?
Christian Girl: Yeah, actually. You might know him. His name is Jesus?
“…the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water. Even during my wildest days at Motley Crue, I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted.” Read Tommy Lee’s full letter to Sea World inside.
This sounds like a New Yorker’s worst nightmare–an annoying man coming up to you on the street and asking you to make physical contact? Try it in Indiana, dude. I’m on my way to Whole Foods and can’t deal.
Today marks the 30th anniversary of John Lennon’s death. In honor of that occasion, Rolling Stone is finally releasing his last interview. The interview, a nine-hour conversation that took place at Lennon’s home and studio three days before his death, was conducted by Jonathan Cott for a Rolling Stone 1980 cover story.
Cosmopolitan magazine seems to be perpetually stuck in a time that might not have ever even existed. They created their own ideas about sex, relationships and gender and have rarely deviated from them, even when societal attitudes call for it.
In your super funny discussion of race and white privilege with Jay Leno last Friday, you had the temerity to tell America something that black people have felt for years: “If you’re black, you get to complain more.”
Teen girls must be virgins in order for a boy to like them, they’re attracted to gays and assholes, raping their best friend is a major deal breaker and sometimes they shack up with a boring guy because it’s easier and less drama.
One of the largest, softest, most complex areas of the human body is the ass. That asses are both sexual and fecal seems vaguely confusing. One considers the dual nature of asses and thinks “Freud, did Freud write about this, seems like he didn’t, seems like maybe he didn’t.” Asses are actually pretty rare. They seem to manifest mostly on mammals with 4 limbs of a certain length. Studies have shown that the ass evolved from the tail.
Politicians sure say the darndest things, don’t they? This week, Loudoun Supervisor, Eugene Delgaudio was the latest one to get his feet wet in the stupid pool when he composed an e-mail in which he accused the Transportation Safety Administration of having a homosexual agenda.
Judging from the popularity of the #snOMG tag, it seemed like everyone had something witty to say about the Seattle snow on Twitter (which was actually a nice break from the monotony of everyone’s witty comments about the new TSA policies). Some users even registered the ironic accounts @WaSnowpocalypse and @SeattleSnowPR.
A Brazilian alligator fails pretty hard when it attempts to dine on this electric eel. According YouTube comments, the eel survives. Alligator definitely doesn’t. Video inside.
Your chances have never been better. Notice her at an Irish pub leaning heavily against the wall, near the pay phones in the back. Notice the glimmer of what appears to be either vomit or hot wing sauce on her left thigh. Go over to her, smell cologne from other men, most likely Italian-Americans; when she doesn’t notice you encroach, plug her nostrils to test if she’s still breathing.
While on her way to work for Gossip Girl, something terrible happened to Leighton Meester. She got lost and wandered on to the set for this movie, The Roommate. Confused and perhaps feeling a little scared, Meester just went into wardrobe, was handed a script, learned her lines and filmed the entire movie in a day.
A recently released Portfolio.com study purports to map out the smartest cities in America. The study ranks the “brain power” of 200 metropolitan areas using data sourced from the American Community Survey, and organized according to levels of educational achievement and corresponding income.
You do not want memories of being alone in your room on a Friday night buttering a sizzlingly hot ass steak (unless you’re also going to either Tweet about it in an objective manner or, for purposes of conveying “quiet desperation” in an endearingly self-aware manner, include it in an autobiographical novel or short-story).
As a lady, I can promise you that we spend a great deal of time trying NOT to smell like sweaty ass and vagina, but if you want to, well then …
Of course it would make no sense for any borough or township to allow the placement of a vending machine stocked with tools designed for the defacement of public/private property. But in the world of local commerce, stranger things have happened. Real or not, the latest video for The Graffomat, which is in the format of a nine-minute long infomercial, makes an entertaining case for the machine.
Dr Abrams seemed pretty standard in everyway except one, he only saw patients after 5:30 pm. Seriously, Monday thru Friday, from 5:30 until 10 pm., and it was much more convenient than having to actually leave work to see him. I found out why his hours were so odd on my first visit. My Dr led something of a double life. At night, he was the mild mannered family practitioner. By day, he was known far and wide (he was super famous in Silverlake, CA) as “The Walking Man.”
I kissed and whiskered the ass of a priest one night. The priest was an old man, a barrel, and he was of the catholic faith. We were leaving a restaurant at the same time and met at the door. After a drink at the bar across the street, we wound up in his bed in the rectory of his church. He said, “Pull the covers up over us so God can’t see.”
Who watches The Grammys? No, really. I want to know. I’m curious because I can’t remember a time when the nominations were announced that I thought, “Cool. This is relevant.” Perhaps my head has been in the Pitchfork microwave for too long but this year’s nominations left me feeling similarly underwhelmed.
The creepiest new feature would have to be “Featured Friends” in which you can list the friendships that are most important to you and reveal their history. It’s like a popularity contest masquerading as a sentimental journey through time. Those of you who were on Myspace will be familiar with the perils of promoting special friendships. Top 8, anyone?
“I hate to be the old guy here again…I don’t want sound like the old guy. I’ve talked to a lot of people at the party and they said they can’t hear each other talk because the music is too loud. If it isn’t too much to ask, could you turn it down? If it isn’t too much to ask. People can’t hear each other talk.”
On television, people have accidentally shot and killed their best friend while playing with their dad’s gun. In books, people have cried silently as their uncle slid his dick between their prepubescent thighs. How could my story compare to those? Nobody wants to hear about the time as a child I was offered a blowjob.
Slavoj Zizek is a maniac and thinks the world is going end soon. Reminds me of Saint Paul, the guy who penned most of the New Testament. In 52 CE, Paul said the end of the world was near in his first letter to Thessalonians (see, 1 Thess 4:15-18). Never happened though.
What I look for online is something other than friendship, and in searching for that something I found 4chan, a website for anonymous discussion that can only be described as a forum for the unrestrained Id of the Internet. The 4chan community is incredibly rude and offensive in every possible manner, yet it also creates art, dialogue, satire and discussion.
All Day, too, has lost the feeling and voice that made Girl Talk stand out in the first place. Yes, Gillis still packs in plenty of pop samples and recombines them in new ways, but it just feels like a mathematical equation. Plug, play and see what works. What made Night Ripper so irresistible wasn’t simply that Gillis packed samples into a small span of time, but that he managed to put a voice to a style of music that often is defined more by the samples than the end product.
“I’ve got a yellow spider, I get everybody says they haven’t seen one yet, I got it trapped in a bottle, a jar, with sealing wax over. But you know how spiders are, y’know, they’re kinda tricky motherfuckers. Excuse my language. Plus I have an organic substance that came out of the sky, if you’re interested in helping me out to try to extract ’em…”
She went outside to have a fag and he was gone. Her snowman that is. That was made of snow. Video Inside.
What will come as an orgasm of good news to such fans, then, is the fact that someone has managed to successfully create a legitimate Facebook school network for “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” This is real.
Why do the major networks keep recycling the same dozen or so actors in bad shows? There are so many talented daytime soap stars dying to transition into prime-time TV. Film stars whose big-screen roles have begun to dry up, so TV is looking like a better option.
This data certainly rings true in my life. My mother’s father turned out to be a big ‘mo (whoops!), her brother is gay and then there’s me! I really didn’t stand a chance at being a heterosexual.
A personality map is a bunch of different mental snippets from movies, TV shows, books, the Internet, whatever – that make up your personality as it is now. These are little things that you’ve seen or heard that have somehow made their way into your brain chemicals and stayed there forever. Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?
Furious that the thief had gotten away with the register, Ireland threw a two litter bottle of coke at the fleeing robber’s back and then followed him outside. He managed to get a partial license number, allowing the police to make a speedy arrest and return the register to the store. Prosecutors hailed him as a ‘hero.’
It wouldn’t be Christmas without a war between true believers and nonbelievers. This year, the American Atheists fired the first shot, dropping $20,000 to rent a 14-by-48-foot billboard on I-495 in New Jersey, en route to the Lincoln Tunnel, with the following message: “You KNOW it’s a myth. This season, celebrate reason!”
Originally, I assumed their date would involve dinner at a chi chi restaurant somewhere in Beverly Hills. Kim would get tipsy and talk about her days as a child star while Lisa’s friend would masturbate underneath the table.
Be it Black Friday, Freaky Friday, TGIF or Friday the 13th : the last day of the work week is ruled by anxiety. One of Twitter’s most popular trending topics, “Follow Friday” is supposed to be some kind of authentic recommendation of Twitter users one suggests to follow. I remember this kind of working in the earlier days of Twitter.
The only thing celebrities love more than themselves is lying. Exhaustion, asthma attacks, allergic reactions: These are the official reasons why celebrities do such nutty things but we know the truth. “Asthma” is usually code for coke binge, and “allergic reaction” typically means overdose…
Keller’s timelapse video comp of his photo project, Living My Life Faster (above), spread like fire across the Internet before viral became a marketing objective — when idle fascination was less engineered. There’s something genuine about Keller’s project that keeps my attention. Maybe it’s the fact that he executed it with no implicit payoff in mind, just the idea that it might be interesting to pursue.
The good folks at YourTango, a “digital media company dedicated to love and relationships,” care about you. That’s why they produced this PSA warning of the very, very serious hazards of using social media.