Mélanie Berliet

What color is my newborn baby’s poop supposed to be?

Quality Time: You’re the mom who shows up.

Why was Santa’s little helper so depressed? He had very low elf esteem.

Yay! You did it! You made a human! That, in and of itself, is a MAJOR accomplishment. Don’t forget it.

Are you having a natural childbirth? Why, yes—in that it’s completely natural to take drugs to alleviate excruciating pain!

Even once you’re without-a-shred-of-doubt visibly pregnant, you can’t expect strangers to give up their seat for you so readily because the world is populated by some very conveniently clueless individuals who will happily ignore you rather than sacrifice their own comfort.

Being fiscally responsible is a practice—like playing a musical instrument or doing yoga (sort of)

When you realize that you’re not perfectly aligned in every single way and you know that that’s okay but you also kind of secretly wish it weren’t that way.

“I can’t lie. I had a reallllly hard time during pregnancy watching my weight tick up and up and up nonstop…”

“The way I see it, we all have two choices in life: sit back and watch life happen, or make life happen.”

Around the corner from every trying moment is a wonderfully reassuring punch, kick, or head butt from that tiny little human growing inside you.

Don’t get me wrong: I am delighted by the prospect of bringing a new life into the world. I expect to make endless compromises as I adjust to the life-changing milestone that is parenthood. But I refuse to become entirely selfless as I embark on this whole motherhood journey.

Why do the dirty work of breaking up if you can make your significant other do it for you?

The 18th century’s most successful harlots were fiercely competitive.

Is it bad if my bump is kind of lopsided?

When you’re in a healthy, loving relationship with the man of your dreams and you get pregnant accidentally, you still have reproductive rights. I chose to exercise mine.

Insta fame leads to the opportunity to “merch your life.”

Farting in bed (and during sex) is pretty much inevitable.