Thought Catalog

Here’s What Kind Of Mom You Are, Based On Your Love Language

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Expert Gary Chapman has pinpointed the five main ways we love, which impact how we behave and who we are overall.
new mom holding baby
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Quality Time

You’re the mom who shows up. You know that your presence on the sidelines of a soccer match or in the audience during a dance recital matters. A lot. So you’re there. You’re also the mom who gets the importance of time spent together—not necessarily so you can all focus on some organized activity, but so you can exist in the same space as a family. Your ideal Sunday afternoon involves being in the living room with all of your loved ones in close proximity, each going about their business simultaneously, feeding off each other’s presence. You impress upon your kids the value of weekly family dinners, and a no-phones-at-the-table policy so you can actually connect while in each other’s company.

Physical Touch

Snuggling is second nature to you. You greet your kids every morning with a giant bear hug, and you put them to bed with a kiss on the forehead each night. You insist on a tight squeeze before they head out the door and whenever they enter the home. There is healing power in a good hug, you tell them. And you’re right! Whenever they’re injured or sick, you don’t shy away from showering your kids with affection, comforting them with tender pats on the head or simply by holding them snugly. The best memories you have involve a cuddle party on the couch during family movie night.

Words of Affirmation

You are your children’s cheerleader. You know too well how critical it is to hear encouraging words, so you dole them out when deserved. If someone brings home an “A” grade, you will tell them how impressed you are by their hard work, and if they score the winning goal, you’ll congratulate them profusely on their moves right after the game. When they behave well, you tell them as much. That said, you’re careful not to overdo it, understanding that your kid’s self-esteem should be rooted in achievement. You affirm good deeds but you never ever offer empty compliments.

Acts of Service

Somehow, you always end up organizing the classroom bake sale or being nominated Room Mom. You can’t help it! When there’s something that needs to be done, you get the itch to volunteer, and you do so with a smile. You encourage your children to help out their fellow classmates and the community in whatever ways they can. By example, you instill the value of giving time and energy over simply writing a check. If there’s an opportunity to volunteer as a family—perhaps serving a holiday meal to the homeless, or sorting donations to a clothing drive—you’re bound to sign everyone up.

Receiving Gifts

You love leaving tiny notes inside your kids’ lunch boxes just to say “I love you,” or inscribing secret messages on the bathroom mirror that will appear after they shower when the space steams up. Sometimes, you set up a treasure hunt for them when they return from school and the prize at the end is a little trinket you couldn’t help picking up that day because it reminded you of them. Whenever you travel, you select mementos for everyone in the family. It’s not the cost of each gift that matters, but the amount of thought that goes into selecting each one. Birthdays and holidays are your forte, not because you know how to spoil your children but because you’re genuinely good at giving thoughtful gifts. TC mark

Mélanie Berliet

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. There's more!

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
“The right words at the right moment, this is the kind of book you have to read when your heart is trying to heal.” – Charly
Let go now
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