Thought Catalog

50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit

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christmas elf
elf

1. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?

He was hooked on trees his whole life.

2. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had very low elf esteem.

3. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?

Hits a gnome and runs.

4. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

Saint-nickel-less.

5. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

6. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?

His wife was a total flake.

7. Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?

Because every single buck is dear to him!

8. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?

A Christmas quacker.

9. What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?

Crisp Pringles.

10. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?

They’re into all the wrapping.

11. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing. It was on the house!

12. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?

Nurse them back to elf.

13. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?

Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

14. What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

15. What do you call a blind reindeer?

I have no eye deer.

16. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

Rude-olph.

17. How is Christmas exactly like your job?

You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

18. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

Wrap.

19. What do you call a scary looking reindeer?

A cariboo.

20. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

21. What’s the absolute best Christmas present?

A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

22. What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke?

This one’s gonna sleigh you!

23. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

24. What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?

It’s finally Christmas, Eve!

25. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has No-el.

26. How do you know when Santa’s around?

You can always sense his presents.

27. What do you call an elf that can sing and dance?

Elfis.

28. Where does santa keep all his money?

At the local snow bank.

29. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?

He was searching for some holiday spirit.

30. Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?

Because they’re shell-fish.

31. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?

Silent Night.

32. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies.

33. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?

Santa Pause.

34. Why is Santa kind of scared of chimneys?

Because he’s so claus-trophobic.

35. What do elves learn in school?

The elfa-bet.

36. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had no body to go with.

37. What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day?

Sandyclaws.

38. Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?

Because the present’s beneath them.

39. Why is Santa so good at karate?

Cause he’s got a black belt.

40. What part of the body do you only see around Christmas?

The mistletoe.

41. Where does mistletoe go to get famous?

Holly-wood!

42. Why is Santa always cast as the lead in the local musical?

Because he has such good presents.

43. What do you get when you deep fry Santa?

Crisp Cringle.

44. Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?

Because it soots him.

45. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?

Fleece Navidad.

46. What’s Santa’s favorite candy?

Jolly ranchers.

47. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?

A pineapple!

48. What do you call a snowman that can walk?

Snow-mobile.

49. What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?

Unwrap.

50. What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling?

Mistletoad. TC mark

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