Lorenzo Jensen III

“An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.”

Don’t demand sex in return for dinner.

“Tramp stamps…can you picture your 90-year-old self with a tramp stamp?””

“A newborn infant had been hurt by its mother’s boyfriend because she wouldn’t stop crying.”

“I thought that babies came out of the anus.”

“I thought that penises were shaped like snowmen.”

“Frozen, I watched as the doll’s open mouth slowly shut.”

“I decided to see if I could fit my entire hand into my vagina.”

“He was a really nice guy, but I remember seeing him maybe once or twice a year just snap and go to this other place in his head.”

“If you ignore me, i will find you…and i will kill you…”

“He broke up with me on what I later found out was his wedding day.”

“The ol’ fashioned way—I walked in on my parents.”

“When we lived in western Pennsylvania my uncle would always tell me about Charlie No-Face.”

“He looked me in the eye and said, ‘I’m going to hell for this, aren’t I?’”

“I put my finger in my belly button and then smell it.”

“The overwhelming sensation of relief when removing a bra after a long day of wearing one.”

“I masturbated to Facebook pictures of my friend…who died two years ago.”

“I’d like to toss a grenade over the fence.”