44 Men Reveal Why They Think Life Sucks When You’re A Man

PatrickDonovan / Twenty20.com
PatrickDonovan / Twenty20.com
Found on AskReddit.

1. If you’re a man, nobody gives a fuck about how you really feel. Ever.

“Others have touched on the subject of feelings, but I think this is worth saying anyway: If you’re a man, nobody gives a fuck about how you really feel. Ever.”

2. We can never appear weak.

“Basically…you can never appear weak.”

3. We live shorter lives than women.

“The slightly shorter average lifespan.”

4. We are expected to sit back and allow ourselves to be increasingly demonized.

“Continuously being demonized, but expected to give more and more ground to those who do so.”

5. Despite the propaganda of male privilege, we are utterly disrespected and disposed of regularly by society.

“Men are utterly disrespected and disposed of regularly by society, but the propaganda claims otherwise.”

6. We are completely alone in this world.

“That we are completely alone.”

7. We are success objects.

“The never-ending burden of earning enough money to keep everyone in the family happy.”

8. We aren’t allowed to have problems, only solutions.

“You can’t have problems. It’s a weakness…and if you are weak, you are good as dead. You are only allowed to have solutions. If you ask for help, you’re a ‘pussy.’ Oversimplified and polarized, but that’s the gist of it.”

9. We are blamed for all injustices in the history of the world.

“Being blamed for all injustices in the history of the world.”

10. We are laughed at for being lonely.

“Men aren’t allowed to be lonely or upset about being single. Not without being laughed at or branded a neck beard or Nice Guy TM.”

11. It’s always our fault.

“It’s always our fault. Men can be so easily ruined by even a totally nonsensical rape accusation. While this is mainly an issue with the media casually ruining people’s lives, it’s definitely a big part of the double standard. Men always have to be wary of a psycho bitch that will try to ruin them completely. Also, if you’re less attractive and not perfectly fit, you have no chance at getting a date. There’s little point in even trying.”

12. We deal with practically being invisible.

“Probably just the fact that guys are just as self-conscious as all of you.

I always get the sense from women that they see men as unshakable rocks that always know what they are doing, that are afraid of nothing, that are always the protector, that don’t need anyone else’s approval, that never get emotional or overwhelmed, etc. If you could listen into men’s thoughts I think it would blow your mind to know how much most guys are suppressing because society expects them to keep up their stoic demeanor.

In addition, guys rarely if ever get acknowledged by society for just being. You ladies deal with catcalling and harassment. Guys deal with practically being invisible, going months or years without getting a single compliment or acknowledgement of their existence.

Seen many a thread of girls in relationships asking guys why her boyfriend doesn’t compliment her or make her feel special anymore, but it never occurred to her that she rarely if ever does the same for him because she assumes the he doesn’t need reassurance or acknowledgement. They just don’t seem to understand that guys aren’t satisfied with just sex in a relationship, that they actually have emotional needs but many times are afraid to ask for it.”

13. A woman can rape you and no one cares.

“When I was in college, I was raped by a woman that I was not at all attracted to. I woke up with her on top of me. I told her I had to go and just got dressed and left. Keep in mind this was in a house full of my friends while she was a friend’s coworker. They all knew what was happening and did nothing. The next day they told me that she was being all creepy all night, basically feeding me drinks, and had a reputation for doing the same to other guys. They did nothing. Later found out she once straight-up carried another passed-out friend back to his apartment to do the same. And after all of this it was basically a big joke. The girl whose bed we were on was mad at me for messing up her bed. (The girl was on the large side and apparently loosened some of the joints with her riding.)

There was not one shred of support or concern for me. Not before it happened, not during, and not after. Anyone I told basically brushed it off or made fun of the situation. So I stopped telling people. I never put it any sort of formal complaint or anything, either.”

14. We get rejected constantly.

“Getting rejected—constantly.

My dad always told me the best way to date is to ask out as many pretty girls as you can. Because even if 99 of the ones you like say no, sooner or later one will say yes.

And while I understand the rationalization behind this thinking, getting rejected is downright humiliating. After 3 no’s in a row, I want to hide under a blanket and apologize to all the girls for being a creep and a fuck-up.”

15. We’re not allowed to act human around others.

“Years of conditioning means we can’t act human around others.

When I was a kid I cried a lot. This is something that is unacceptable for a male. So you get constantly ridiculed until you learn to not show your emotions. I noticed sometime in my 20s that I laughed out loud a lot more often when doing something alone than when there was someone else present. I had to teach myself how to laugh around others instead of just smiling and laughing internally.

As a male with fairly extreme social anxiety, the dating world is daunting. I have female friends who have social anxiety. Whenever they talk about their problems with dating it’s always that they can’t find the right guy. They can just sit there, fill out a dating profile, and get plenty of interest from others. I don’t think any of them understand how truly hopeless one can feel when they get zero attention. They don’t understand the huge hurdle I would have to go through to even have a chance.

And the support. These same girls are constantly posting on Facebook about how sad they are. They’ll get several people replying telling them that they’re beautiful, how great of a person they are, they’ll find someone. Blah blah. If I do something similar? Maybe I’ll get a couple of likes and no replies.”

16. No one takes our mental health issues seriously.

“Mental health issues in men aren’t always taken very seriously, being told to ‘man up’ won’t fix anything and is likely what caused some issues in the first place.

From a young age, stereotypes of men not being emotional and weak are reinforced, which can lead to issues in later life.”

17. If you’re broke, everyone treats you like a loser.

“People’s expectation of you. When I was having a hard time financially everyone kind of wrote me off. My GF’s family would tell her to leave me. Her friends started exclusively going to more expensive places. My friends would go on holidays or trips and nights out and everyone wanted me to do their activities while my GF wanted me to keep up things like dates. I still had costs to deal with like clothes and bills…most of the time no one cares about my struggle or problems. They only care am I meeting what they expect of me.”

18. We need affection, too.

“I want to be held as well. I want to be able to cry of frustration or sadness and rest my head on your shoulder or chest. I want to be the one that is more vulnerable, the one that might need the most emotional care. It is not that I think that I am worth more than you. I just can’t get this anywhere else BUT you. Just hold me, pet my head, and whisper kind words into my ear. If I feel sad while being held by you, I just break inside, but your arms will keep me together.”

19. We are much more likely to be victims than women are, and no one seems to care.

“We are so much more likely to be the victims of violent crime than women that it’s ridiculous. It’s almost 3:1.

Couple that with the 4:1 suicide rate, 9:1 workplace deaths, and 9:1 homeless ratio.

And no one seems to care. Men are excluded from homeless shelters. There are almost no male mental health outreach programs. There is no outrage at the insane number of deaths at work.”

20. We suffer a disadvantage on dating apps.

“Finding a girl, especially on dating apps. Like holy shit they have such an advantage. And in real life too, seems pretty easy for them (shy? no problem, guys come up to you because there are no expectations for you to make a move).”

21. We suffer from huge double standards when it comes to acceptable gender roles.

“We are told that it’s cool now that women can work and bring income in for the house and be every equal as a man, hell they don’t need men to take care of them, but yet if as a stay-at-home husband/father who is in school where my wife works I am still looked at as a bum, there is still the stigma that a man must be the primary caretaker, even when dating some women wont date a guy if he hasn’t made it big, it’s a strange standard.”

22. If it’s our word against a woman’s, people will assume we’re guilty.

“If there’s a ‘he said, she said’ situation, people will generally assume we’re guilty, even if it makes no sense.

For example, I was fired from a job last year after going to my supervisor multiple times about concerns regarding a female coworker acting uncomfortable around me—refusing to talk to me, avoiding me, etc. He spoke to her and she said there was no problem.

Then I complained that she and her friends were acting immature, unprofessional, and creating a hostile work environment by engaging in interpersonal drama and gossip regarding us which constituted sexual harassment. The girl, while still refusing to talk to me, was deliberately rubbing against me in a sexual manner, talking to her friends about me and how she was going to get my attention, etc., despite the fact that she had found a boyfriend while I was out sick for several months.

Management decided that the path of least resistance was to accuse me of having a ‘pattern’ of sexually harassing my coworkers based on completely invented ‘evidence,’ lied to the district manager, and canned me.

Oh, and all this happened AFTER she and her friends had spent weeks convincing me that she liked me.

So when you wonder why guys are hesitant to make a move? Shit like this is why. Even if there’s no threat of professional repercussions, we have to worry about our reputations, not to mention false rape allegations which can ruin us for life even if we’re found not guilty.

So meet us halfway. Take some initiative. Don’t make us do all the work. Because we need to know that you’re not a psycho who’s going to ruin our lives just as much as you need to know that we aren’t psychos who are going to rape/murder you.”

23. We can’t show emotion without being viewed as weak.

“Inability to be myself without being judged, inability to be around kids without being heavily watched and monitored, and inability to cry or show emotion without being viewed as weak. Women will never understand.”

24. The legal system is stacked against us.

“As a man I have to say what I have found most difficult is the emotional double standard. Not being able to share my feelings or thoughts on something without being labeled is difficult to say the least. As a single (divorcing) father of three, I was also told that I would lose my children because: A) I am a man; B) I live in Nova Scotia; C) see reason A). When I began the divorce paper proceedings, I was told by our Legal Advice (I can’t think of the name right) phone line from Family Court that I was very selfish for asking to have shared custody. I walked into court, told the judge that I wanted shared custody, and from that point forward I was told that I had it, and it was up to my ex to prove I shouldn’t have shared custody. It wasn’t even a fight, but to be told that I shouldn’t even try because I am a man, that’s messed. All I wanted to be was a good parent for my kids.”

25. We are not expected to cry.

“Men are not expected to cry but hell I have cried so many times alone in my room and I’m not afraid to say it. Fuck your pride, don’t be constipated and shed a few tears, you’ll feel better afterwards.”

26. We are expected to be far more independent than women.

“How independent we have to be, we can’t really tell other people we need help and are expected to do a lot on our own.

Having to start every conversation, pay for the dates, etc.

And worst of all, being a white guy, and people yelling at you and saying how privileged you are. We get it.”

27. If we fuck up, there’s no comfort net to catch us.

“We aren’t privileged in society. Anything we want, we have to go get it. No one does it for us, but us. There is no free ride for a man through life, like there are options to do so for women. People don’t go out of their way to be nice to us for the most part. If we fuck up, there’s no comfort net to catch us. There’s no hand holding at all for us. Life as a man is a solitary one when speaking of these things. There are no shortcuts or easy methods of attaining what we want, no ways to gain advantage over someone in getting what we want besides making ourselves better in order to get it.

The hardest part about being a man is being disposable and accepting that you always will be until you’ve made yourself/your life/your personal empire so great that you can’t be replaced. And then being told that the system is rigged in your favor when you’ve put your heart and soul into attaining what you have without help.”

28. We never get to choose whether or not to have a kid.

“A man can never decide to have or not have a kid. Also, a woman has never had to wonder if her kid is hers or not.”

29. If we don’t agree with you, we are called either sexist or racist.

“If I don’t agree with you, I am called either sexist or racist. If I try to argue that I am not, that makes me more guilty.”

30. We commit suicide more often than women.

“Toxic masculinity. People expect us to shrug it off and stand up for ourselves and punch any dude that crosses our women and stuff like that and it’s hard to live up to. There might be a reason why more men commit suicide than women.”

31. Women say they want “nice” guys but in reality find them boring.

“You hear all the women say how they want a really caring, loyal and understanding guy. Yet when you actually are one, they find you boring or not worth the time.

Also when trying the whole online dating thing, women always complain that guys send them dick pics and bullshit or they just want sexual things. Yet when you write a nice, long message to them, they don’t even reply.

I miss being married.”

32. We’re forced to bottle up our emotions and pain.

“Bottling up emotions/pain. It sucks we can’t express our own emotions so easily.”

33. We’re never given the benefit of the doubt.

“How society tends to assume the worst about you. Sitting next to a kid in public? You better keep your hands next to you, your eyes in a 1,000-mile stare and you better not even think of saying a word to them or people will think you’re a pedo. Walking behind a woman at night? You better hope she’s not taking the same route as you or else she’ll start thinking you’re following her. Sitting with your legs apart? You must be trying to display your dick to the whole wide world!”

34. We are constantly under heavy pressure to provide for others.

“The pressure to ‘provide’ is real and it is heavy. So many women say that they don’t care how much money you make, that happiness is all that matters. The reality is that most men feel the pressure to provide a great and financially stable life regardless of what their partner says. Not only that, they constantly measure against their peers. It is the reality so no big deal, just seems lost in translation with women sometimes.”

35. We live under constant terror of fake criminal charges lodged by vengeful women.

“I CAN DO ALMOST NOTHING TO DEFEND MYSELF AGAINST CRAZY WOMEN. During my divorce (at 21, I was an idiot but it worked well since I got to keep my kid a while), my ex-wife tried to press rape charges on me. Her parents tried to press statutory rape charges on me (she got pregnant at 17 (I was 19), but they signed her off to me and gave me full custody of her. She called the police and accused me of beating her (I got slammed into the ground and kicked by a cop). She told her lawyers I was ‘touching’ my 16-month-old daughter. (Luckily I had her masturbating on a security camera 2 feet from our child (18m) naked and porn blaring).

MY LAWYER ASKED THE JUDGED POINT BLANK IN FROM OF THE COURT, “What if Mr. Mathamatazz would have been caught doing that—”

Judge: “He would go to prison, there IS a difference.”

I record EVERY phone call with her, I wear a GoPro to exchange our daughter. I print out every text. I do not interact with her outside of some controlled surveillance.”

36. We are never rewarded for simply existing.

“A man cannot simply be. They cannot be qualified on who they are as a person. They are what they do, what they can do, what they earn, what their social status is….Some are able to be human beings, men are human doings…”

37. We get mocked for having high sex drives…and also get mocked if we don’t.

“There’s a certain expectation that comes with being a man that you are ALWAYS in the mood, sexually speaking, and that you are less of a man if you aren’t. I’ve been put down by both men and women alike for not wanting to sleep with some random stranger. I’ve also had girlfriends who immediately jump to the conclusion that they’re not pretty or sexy enough just because I happened to not be in the mood—and no matter how you try to explain it, they think you’re just bullshitting them. It’s a hideous double standard where people would complain about simple-minded sex-driven meatheads, but claim something is wrong with you if you don’t behave like one.”

38. We are subject to several damaging stereotypes.

“Stereotypes. Testosterone, be manly, no emotions, you pussy, man up. Fuck society.”

39. We’re under such pressure to ‘man up,’ we often commit suicide.

“You know all that amazing advice we get all the time like ‘be a man,’ ‘man up,’ ‘men don’t cry,’ etc.? Many young men commit suicide because they feel inadequate.”

40. No one takes us seriously as victims.

“I’ve said it somewhere else and I’ll say it again: being taken seriously as a victim.

Believe it or not, men can be victims of domestic violence regardless of the sex of the person that commits it. But especially with women, men are not seen as victims. A man who is a victim of spousal abuse cannot go to the police and have his story taken seriously, and in many instances, he will be laughed at. He can’t escape an abusive relationship because he has nowhere to go. There isn’t a support network for men in many countries where men can go to feel safe. Men who do report their abuse to the authorities are still treated like the aggressor, that the woman was fighting back.

Men who are victims of rape or sexual abuse don’t get any support, either and are also not seen as victims. Men are only ever seen as aggressors and women only ever as victims. For women and even many men, it’s incomprehensible that a man can be raped, that just because he has an erection doesn’t mean he wants sex. A man who is raped or sexually abused or beaten is seen as weak, as not a man. He is shamed for being a victim, shamed for not wanting sex when a woman gives it to him, shamed for allowing his entire being to be destroyed. And in many cases, the only way to ease the suffering is suicide.

Men being victims of domestic and sexual abuse and rape isn’t even acknowledged as being a social problem. Feminists even argue that you can’t rape a man or that domestic violence is justified because men have ‘privilege’ and men are not ‘oppressed,’ therefore because they don’t suffer from institutionalized oppression, men don’t have problems. Men are not victims.”

41. We’re not always trying to hit on you.

“We don’t always try to hit on you… Sometimes we just want to be friends.

Also a hug is worth more than you think to us. A lot of the physical contact we have is roughhousing and messing around with our guy friends. We don’t get a whole lot of compassion, especially if you’re single. A genuine hug can make a guy’s day, or even his week.”

42. We get all of life’s hardships with few of the rights.

“How much we suffer, we suffer when we end up divorced and they take half of all we worked for. We suffer when they get primary custody of the kids while poisoning the kids against us. When our children we love so much are told that daddy doesn’t love them because of the nonsense and horrible things some women do.

As men we also like sex, it’s what we are programmed to do. A healthy sexual relationship with someone we love makes us feel complete. If we are rejected or end up in a dead bedroom it destroys us. We keep asking ourselves is she cheating? Is something wrong? Why is she rejecting me? Not in the mood or tried yet is in Facebook all day and watching videos and playing games? So many excuses. While the relationship falls apart.

It’s nothing but suffering to be a man; you get all of hardships with little rights.”

43. Making any fashion choices at all will classify us as some kind of douche.

“I feel like as a man I will always be viewed as a potential pedophile. On the less serious side, basically any fashion choice I make will classify me as some kind of douche.”

44. We live in a society where people think it’s impossible for men to be raped.

“When I was 20, I was forced to have sex with a woman. I was a residential assistant, and this girl came to my dorm drunk. I walked her to her room and she tried to get my hands to touch her breasts. I told her that I wouldn’t do this because it’s unethical. She told me that if I don’t fuck her she’ll scream rape. I was forced, and at the time I was a virgin for religious purposes. It was very traumatic and I felt completely trapped because of the immediate ease through which people would have sided with her.

Men are often given little clemency. Not to marginalize the sheer amount of men who take advantage of women, or the degree of vulnerability women have with men that can be trusted. But it is far too easy to overlook the sexual advantages some women use against men.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Lorenzo Jensen III

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