31 Hilarious Ways To Explain Exactly What A ‘Douchebag’ Really Is


Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confused with douche.



An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.

Burrito Brad


The term “douchebag” generally refers to a male with a certain combination of obnoxious characteristics related to attitude, social ineptitude, public behavior, or outward presentation.

Though the common douchebag thinks he is accepted by the people around him, most of his peers dislike him. He has an inflated sense of self-worth, compounded by a lack of social grace and self-awareness. He behaves inappropriately in public, yet is completely ignorant to how pathetic he appears to others.

He often talks about how cool, successful, and popular he is, yet never catches on to the fact that he comes across as a total loser. Nevertheless, he firmly believes that he is the smartest, most desirable, and most charming person in the room… and will try to bad-rep anyone who would threaten to expose this facade.

He fancies himself a ladies’ man, yet tends to be a joke to all but the most naive of women. He tries to portray himself as part of the in-crowd (a fashionista, an upwardly mobile professional, the life of the party, etc.) but only succeeds in his own mind.

To everyone else, he is an annoying and arrogant phony who comes across as a wannabe overcompensating for his insecurities. He tries to appear like the center of whatever group will tolerate him, but in reality, he is just a tag-along who mooches drinks, women, contacts, social standing, and other benefits from the group… while contributing nothing.

A-list ego; D-list status.



The scientific name for schmucks who roll up in public wearing wife-beaters or oversized jeans. Can also be found wearing sunglasses in nightclubs and/or sun-visors on backwards and upside down. These people should be drug outside and shot in the stomach, then used as speed bumps to prevent any neon-toting lowrider crap-mobiles from infesting the neighborhood and lowering property values.

Bling Bling WBF


A person with a shitty personality that needs to “take themself the fuck down” or “go home and get their fucking shine box.” A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.



|a| – someone who;; talks shit, starts shit, wont finish their shit, &&and the end of the day still thinks they own the universe.



A douchebag is a pretentious, sugar-coated prick, but with emphasis on pretentious and sugar coated. It’s not an adjective for an asshole, because assholes call other people douchebags, and assholes are more often than not proud of being assholes.



A douchebag has no imagination or intelligence.

A douchebag copies your ideas, clothing, home style and speech and passes it off as their own after doing that a douchebag lectures you on how to think, dress, decorate and or speak as if he or she didn’t steal your identity.

A douchebag eventually reveals him or herself to everyone because you can’t fool everyone all of the time.



The term “douchebag” generally refers to a male with any number of characteristics not associated with one particular region or age demographic. Douchebag is a combination of attitude qualities, social ability, and attire.

In terms of geography douchebags can be found nearly anywhere. For instance, douchebags can be seen in New Jersey where fake diamond earrings, frosted spiked hair, Razor phones, half a can of Axe, unbuttoned collared shirts, Fossil watches, overly groomed chinstraps, backwards colored Yankee hats with the sticker still attached and 2002 Mustangs are considered “tight.” At the same time douchebags are also plentiful in the Southwest where on any given Wednesday night on frat row in Tempe you can find males who find it “sweet shit” to wear pink collared shirts, while donning the following attire: puka-shelled necklaces, fake skater shoes, have some variation of an Asian symbol tattoo on their shoulder or back, wear a Hurley hat that sits cockeyed on their head, throw various fake gang signs during pictures and drive their dad’s old white 1997 convertible M3 BMW. They also generally find the length of time one drinks while doing a “keg-stand” directly correlates with the amount of pussy one can get.

As mentioned douchebags transcend not only various geographical locations, but age demographics as well. For instance, douchebags are quite often seen just south of Sarasota, FL as evidenced by 45 year old men who still wear Oakley’s, shave their chests, wear shirts that read “ride” on the front and “me” on the back, and think its cool to wear white K-Swiss’. They are usually on first name basis with the girls at Hooters, and think white T-shirt contests with 1/2 half-off Margaritas are better than a baseball game with $1 beers. At the same time, we can see young 21-year-old douchebags in West L.A. who still think that Dolce Gabanna belt buckles, and fo-hawks are “pimp shit.”

In terms of behavior douchebags have an over-inflated sense of self worth, lack the social ability to interact with non-douchebags, and have tricked their minds into thinking that they “get mad pussy.” The irony is that they very rarely get pussy, but amazingly have the amazing propensity to talk quite often about allegedly getting it.

Matthew Hiler


The name of the guy dating the girl of your dreams.



That annoying guy that always talks about how cool he is, how tough he is, and acts like he is better than everyone. He tries to start shit with people and be a complete dick – usually unknowingly since he doesn’t catch the fact that he’s making a fool out of himself.

Though the common douchebag thinks he is accepted by the people around him, most people dislike him. He loves to appear in many places, such as parties where he seeks attention by, again, making a fool out of himself. A douchebag is also considered a little bitch.

To cure douchebag-iness, apply fist to face of douchebag every once in a while (usually when he tries to act tough). After a while it may or may not disappear. If symptoms continue, resort to more violent and dramatic measures.



1. A stupid person who thinks that they are just too cool for anyone else. They are pompous assholes and usually don’t know what they are talking about. They hang out with other douche bags that act the same way.

2. They can easily be spotted on college campuses around the US.

3. Boys are usually wearing a pre-ripped up hat, cop sunglasses, shell or hemp necklace, Abercrombie, (pink) polo shirt with a popped collar or even better another one on top of that with 2 t-shirts underneath, ripped jeans, and my favorite some kind of sandals mostly flip-flops.

3. Girls on the other hand usually have any combination of too many high/lowlights, too much makeup, Willy Wonka sunglasses, lots of gaudy jewelry, Abercrombie and other douche shirts like it, ripped up jeans or jean skirts that are frayed up, those ugly baggy yoga pants, designer purses, feet tattoos, and flip-flops.



1. Present in any given social environment, A douchebag is “that guy”… that squawking choadspank who is completely full of shit, or that moron whose head is so far up his or her ass that they will never see the light nor breathe the air again.

2. In a social situation, this person is ALWAYS the most unintelligent, arrogant, worthless, and audacious person, however firmly believes themselves to be the smartest, most important, and most sociable.

3. He is the guy that really gets under your skin, that jerk-off artist who stole that girl’s virginity who you’ve had a crush on since the first grade, that sick minded individual that manages to suck some of the most genuine and moral people into his fake destructive facade

3. Someone who is completely unbearable and unreasonable when put in a leadership position, for the more power they are given, the more endorsed they feel to spew their bullshit in everyone’s faces.

4. Someone who projects such a negative image that people around them agree they should not even bother waking up in the morning.

5. Someone who doesn’t care about producing any moral good in this world, regardless of who they are or how much power they have.



A common layman who take ‘roids to increase his puny muscle mass while shrinking his manhood thus creating the ultimate douchebag regret with small man syndrome. Typically where’s sunglasses at night and inside clubs, wife-beaters or shiny bedazzled shirts to show off his ‘roid muscles and to intimidate others. Except he is just over 5’ tall and is always looked down upon at which time he spits on people and runs away screaming like a little bitch. One in the safety of his Benz with chrome rims and blacked out windows he believes is he now invisible to those around him and safe.

Douchebags are never safe, they stick out like a fat kid eating McDick’s inside a McDick’s. Joseph D’Antonio may have this experience while he worked at McDick’s flipping burgers until his muscles grew and he was too good for burger flipping in his mind. He then got a nice Pit Bull and random tattoos all over his body to compliment his new ‘roid muscle and turned into a full fledge Douchebag of Vancouver. He’s currently applying to be on the Douchebags of Vancouver TV show which will air as soon as they can find enough Douchebag’s who can actually spell and sign their name.

Douchebag finder


1) an item consisting of a rubber bag, tube and nozzle, used to clean a woman’s vagina

2) a male over the age of eight wearing a pink polo shirt, usually with popped collar, and usually wearing a badly clashing baseball cap, many times backwards

2a) includes males who also wear cowry-shell or puka-shell necklaces, Livestrong bracelets in various colors/for other causes, prefer oversized Phat Farm, Vans or DC sneakers with huge “tongues”. Some also wear large amounts of fake-gold chains and fake-diamond earrings, and hit on girls much younger than they

2b) subset of douchebags includes “bros”, aka “brahs”; many of these play X-Box and think that it is a decent gaming system

3) People who have actually said, in all seriousness, “No fat chicks.”



A person almost completely lacking in social awareness, yet thinks they are actually some sort of Casanova. Usually has an extremely inflated sense of self worth, which is puzzling to others because in reality they are seen as quite irritating or pathetic. A more extreme version of a “douche” in the sense that they are more in your face about displaying their douchiness.

The Gold is Here


1. egotist who disrespects others in an attempt to ‘be cool’ with the aim of generating love interests or elevating his social standing – especially when this behavior takes the form of attention-seeking antics that defy social norms

2. person who appears uncool, unoriginal and insecure due to his or her habit of trying too hard to appear cool or clever or tough or hip or in-style

3. Guido, wigger, or anyone who behaves similarly.



A pretentious, egotistical jerk. Anyone who has an over-inflated sense of superiority.

Not to be confused with Asshole, as assholes are proud of themselves and know and do not care others hate them.

Douchebags are oblivious to being hated and scorned by others.



(noun): a douchebag is a person without any sense of how to behave in social situations. He is completely unaware of himself or how others perceive him. He usually has an inflated sense of self-importance and self-worth, and tends to think he’s popular when in reality, very few people actually like him. The only people who do like him are his fellow douchebags. He doesn’t particularly care about other people, and he thinks that the world revolves around him. A douchebag is consistently the loudest, the drunkest and the most obnoxious guy at a party or at the bar. A douchebag thinks that a girl is obligated to sleep with him just because he buys her a drink. He will instigate fights and confrontations with anyone and for any reason. The douchebag also loves to talk about how many women he gets, when in reality, he doesn’t get very many. He also loves to put other people down to make himself feel more important. The female version of the douchebag is also consistently the drunkest, the loudest and the most obnoxious girl at the party. She has no capacity of knowing when to stop drinking. A douchebag girl loves attention, and she’ll do anything to get it.

Monica Nice


(“DB”) Someone who goes around acting as if they know everything, when in reality, they don’t know anything. A bullshit artist that fakes their way through life by sucking up to anyone who the DB believes can advance them socially or economically. As the DB is extremely annoying to anyone around him, he has no real friends.

Has several catchphrases that get him through life so that he can avoid having to come up with any original thoughts. This includes “really???” as a response to most any comment, as to indicate interest in the subject when in reality, the DB does not understand or care to any degree. Another favorite is “oh, piss”, as a response to a mistake made by the DB due to incompetency. Another favorite is “fair enough”, as a response to anything the DB does not understand, but does not wish to admit not understanding and thus the delivery of this vague phrase in an effort to confuse the other party and hope the subject is changed.

Typically, they’ll have nasty curly hair (with lots of gel added), a big goofy smile, and walk around all pompous-like. Often can be seen wearing bright colored shirts, gay shoes, vests, Capri pants, and on certain occasions, a NICE suit. Has long, girlish fingernails with which he taps on tabletops in an annoying fashion.

The DB is quick to dodge blame for failures and inadequacies and make up excuses on the spot. When possible, they will blame coworkers for mistakes, and will push off work on others by citing the fact that they are “very busy” that week.

Extreme cases warrant special preceding titles, including “Captain” or “Chief” douchebag, among others.

Big Jeorge


A douchebag is a narcissistic man who dates a woman, makes her fall for him by lavishing her with gifts (guilty conscious gifts), making her believe he loves her, her children, family and friends but all the while…texting another woman inappropriate pictures, from his girlfriend’s house no doubt, and fantasies to entice sexual encounters with him. This man’s life is a lie.

Done and Done


A person who has no idea what they are talking about yet acts like they are a smart person by knowledge from other people. They act out to be intelligent and gifted only to realize they are merely a fake idiot with no idea about what is really happening in the world.
A person with no logic at all.

keeping it real!!!!!


A douchebag is characterized by many different qualities so this will be a lengthy definition.

Whether or not someone is a douchebag, can often be determined by a combination of their attitude, attire, and lifestyle.

First we’ll start with a basic definition. Douchebags at their core are pricks who have massive egos and think they have the right to treat other people like shit, they think they own the world. They somehow have been deluded into thinking they are extremely attractive, tough, and that everyone likes them, which is far from the case. They are often white teenagers, but can be found in other age groups, and occasionally other races.

Let’s look at attire.

Douchebags tend to flock to places such as Abercrombie and Fitch, or Lacostalot, excuse me, Lacoste. They often wear cockeyed or reversed flatbills of a baseball team that is located nowhere near where they live, usually the Yankees or Red Sox. You may see excessive jewelry also, such as massive stud earrings, I’m not talking just little earrings, massive earrings. They wear pre-ripped up jeans, I believe they call it stressed in places such as Abercrombie and Hollister. More often than not they have short hair, often spiked up with some sort of product. It really isn’t that hard to find them, a good portion of teens today are douchebags, they all look the same and they all look like faggots.

More than just the way one looks characterizes a douchebag though. They are huge pricks, and just have an aura of egotism around them. Whenever they look at someone who doesn’t look like them, you can see the disdain in their eyes, they just hate them for no apparent reason. They have shitty attitudes, they act like pussies when they don’t get there way are have to do something that isn’t “cool” enough for them. They are very elitist and don’t understand what it means to be laid back and accepting. They love talking shit, but can’t back it up, I once received a death threat via text from a douchebag, I think he works at Abercrombie…

They treat women like shit, and the only women who go for them are shallow, easy, and have no self respect. Once you get to college they don’t even get these women, because they aren’t needed, because they just try to get women really drunk so they can sleep with them. Another thing they do is search for extremely easy girls in the area on MySpace, although girls who fall for this deserve their fate. So ladies, if your guy has any of the qualities in this definition, you should probably really think about what you’re doing.

The most important thing to remember when dealing with a douchebag is that, everyone else likes you more than him, and he’s a pussy. So feel free to either kick his ass, verbally destroy him since he’s probably a dumbass, or just ignore him. One good way to react if a douchebag is talking shit to you is to laugh at him. They’ll be confused when they realized they didn’t intimidate you, or even make you angry. This confusion will make them angry, and they won’t know what to do. Instant win.

Just try not to be a douche.



A person with a really shitty personality and an oversized ego who thinks he’s smarter than he actually is and makes a jackass of himself in public. They normally assume the form of a pompous (usually rich) over-gelled-haired pretty boy, with a retardedly deep voice. Normally wears pink polo shirts with the collar turned up, pants hanging below his lack of ass, backwards white baseball cap with green lettering, and puka shells. Is often seen watching downloaded Simpsons episodes on his video iPod while talking on his razor cell phone in the middle of the hall way at a local high school.
2) The offspring of assholes and will develop into fully mature assholes when they get a job in an office.



A douchebag, or douche is a person, usually male, who has one of the following criteria:

1. He usually wears bright colored shirts, usually Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister. Sometimes they will wear polo and keep the collar up for style.

2. They usually wear big ass belts, and feel the need to leave the front of the shirt tucked into it, leaving the big ass logo showing.

3. Although they are talk very loud, their voice gets much louder when they start talking about how much they got wasted or how they fucked their girlfriend.

4. 90% of what douches say is a lie or exaggerated.

5. They refer to their friend as ”bro” or ”dawg”.

6. They usually have fun putting down weaker kids, just to look cool in front of others.

7. They have fun insulting each other’s mothers all day, but as soon as one says anything about another’s girlfriend, the guy goes crazy.

8. Their sentences emphasize on swear words.

shotty bounce


Males, between the ages of 18-29, with faux-hawks, fake tans, aviator glasses, Ed Hardy shirts, TapOut/UFC/MMA shirts, as well as popped collars on their polo shirts and in the summer they break out the visors, often upside down and when indoors the sun glasses are worn on the back of their heads. Often hair has frosted tips.

They often go to the gym in pairs and often “play wrestle” in groups. Often leading to calling each other “fags” for touching each other’s dicks, but all the while using it for spank bank material for later.

They are often very unintelligent and uneducated. Their main topics of conversation are the gym, their car, their phone and pussy (even though most are closet homos)

Ladies seem to be attracted or fuck these guys because as we all know most women are stupid, desperate and are gold diggers. They fall for any and every line and end up a career cock sock to most of these douche bags.

Normal males mock and fight these douche bags. Often the douche bags will sucker punch someone and not fight like men because the only fighting they know is play wrestling and if you can’t “accidentally” touch another guys cock, they are not interested.

Favorite drinks Jager Bombs and Lite Beer.

Buster Heighman


1. A person (usually a male) who thinks they are a lot cooler than they really are.

2. They have no concept of reality and are very self-centered.

3. You just can’t stand looking at them and usually whatever comes out of their mouth is idiotic and just doesn’t make sense.

4. They just don’t get it whether it be their personality and/or fashion/style.

Brent P


A shallow and stupid person, usually male, with an arrogant demeanor and an over inflated ego. Often tries way too hard to be cool and/or funny, but it usually comes off as embarrassing and pathetic. A douche bag will often behave like an asshole in order to get laughs or look cool. But it usually backfires, and causes everyone to think he is just a douchebag, behaving douchey and causing everyone who witnessed it to feel douche chills.



One who boasts about his accomplishments. Usually associated with the term meathead and or tool. One who puts shirtless pictures of himself on Facebook trying to impress the ladies and or dudes. Most douchebags lack girlfriends or undeservingly have an extremely hot girlfriend. There really isn’t an in-between. Uses terms like “big, huge, or ripped” when describing himself or “bro, or broseph” when talking about his pals. Usually does not realize his douchebaginess, and thinks he is being cool or impressing when really he is just making himself look like a moron. Usually referred to as “THAT GUY” when outsiders refer to him in response to his douchebaggy behavior.



A completely self-absorbed tool who is completely oblivious to just how much they really suck. There are several varieties of Douche Bags, all equally deserving of being sodomized with a jackhammer. Some potential identifiers include:

Shitty trucks lifted excessively, often covered in stickers of random “bro-brands,” often blasting mainstream rap music

Wearing flip-flops everywhere, even when it’s 20 degrees outside

Brightly colored polo shirts (bonus points with a popped collar) usually with some hippy necklace, or a cross even though they only use religion to socialize with pseudo Christian bimbos.

Wearing wife beaters in public, sunglasses at night, stupid baseball caps with the sticker still on it, and excessively using the word bro.

Also Included: Most business majors and people with tribal tattoos.



A term used to describe a specific type of obnoxious, overtly aggressive, insecure, homophobic, or otherwise undesirable young white male, often from the Northeastern or Middle Atlantic region of the United States. This individual is often characterized by one or more of the following traits: Ed Hardy t-shirts, excessively gelled hair, gold chains, barbed wire tattoos enveloping steroid-enhanced biceps, track suits.


Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog