1. Can you picture a 90-year-old with a tramp stamp?
“Tramp stamps…can you picture your 90-year-old self with a tramp stamp?”
2. I’m super-tired of having to tattoo people’s assholes.
“I’m super-tired of having to tattoo people’s assholes. Sometimes they come back with terrible bacterial infections so I have to sear their asshole shut. I don’t know if this is a regional thing, I work in Rhode Island.”
3. What tribe you from, bro?
“Tribal tattoos. What tribe you from, bro?”
4. Yeah, but does it mean that they swallow?
“I fucking hate how many people get swallow tattoos, it gets so repetitive and is a lame starter tattoo.”
5. I don’t feel like tattooing your mother’s face on your hairy back.
“Tattoos of people’s faces.”
6. I like cheeseburgers, but I don’t fucking tattoo a cheeseburger on myself.
“I’m sick of seeing people tattoo shit they like on their bodies.
‘I got this music note on my neck because I like music!’
I like cheeseburgers, but I don’t fucking tattoo a cheeseburger on myself.
That and ‘Live. Laugh. Love.’”
7. The Monster energy drink ‘M.’
“The Monster energy drink ‘M.’ Like seriously wtf??? Are you that brand loyal to a shitty tasting energy drink? Do you just think it looks eXtreme, yo? Would you be cool with getting other brand logos tattooed, like a NASCAR version of a person? Whenever I see someone with this bumper sticker, let alone tattoo!, I assume they are an extra special level of white trash.
If you think I’m a judgmental bitch, you are correct and I make no apologies.”
8. If you have barbed wire on both arms, I think you are an idiot.
“20 years ago it was barbed wire on both arms. I dubbed that look ‘dub barbs’ if you have that I think you are an idiot.”
9. “If you like dream catchers so much, buy one. ”
“If you like dream catchers so much, buy one…and put it over your bed…like how they’re meant to be used. Sick of dream catcher tattoos on white chicks.”
10. Oh wow, another fox that is made of triangles….How original.
“Geometric animals. They drive me crazy, they are the tribal tattoo of our generation. Oh wow, another fox that is made of triangles….How original.”
11. Hello Kitty and area codes.
Oh, and area codes.”
12. God’s not the only one who’s been judging you.
“ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME.
Mainly because I’m pretty sure a jury of their peers has probably had to do so already.”
13. I’m sick of dolphins.
“I’m sick of dolphins.”
14. Feathers/dandelions dissolving into birds/butterflies.
“Rib script. Please stop. Also, feathers/dandelions dissolving into birds/butterflies. So many words required to explain why that graphic in Google image search/Pinterest won’t translate from screen to skin over and over and over again. Please, everyone just go back to getting koi fish or nautical stars. Plz.”
15. Anything exploding into bird silhouettes.
“Infinity tattoos. Anything exploding into bird silhouettes. Dream catchers. Anchors that refuse to sink. Finger words. White ink tattoos.”
16. Straight-up ugly crosses.
“Unattractive, straight-up ugly crosses. To me it’s a shame when people have bad taste in crosses. It’s such a simple thing that’s supposed to be meaningful yet some people can’t seem to get past the second page of Google images.”
17. Itty-bitty lettering and white ink.
“Itty-bitty lettering, white ink, sides of the feet, ‘hiding’ names in designs, etc.”
18. Nautical stars.
“Nautical stars—I know at least 5 people that have it if not more.”
19. Owls, owls, and more owls.
“Owls are everywhere.”
20. Infinitely stupid.
“Infinity symbols with the word “love” in it. Anchors with the phrase “nothing can sink me” or a variation of that. That one is just stupid.”
21. Fucking Chinese words that make no sense.
“Fucking Chinese words that make no sense, or sound incredibly cheesy.”
22. Pocket watches with roses.
“Pocket watches with roses.
Black and grey cloud sleeves.
A paragraph of writing, usually a generic meaningless quote.
Tattoos on the side of the hand or inside fingers.
Wanting everything black and grey, when it will clearly look way better in colour.
Just to name a few.”
23. Is their first name ‘Nelson’?
“Mandala tattoos. They are really trendy at the moment and they take me forever for me to draw! Luckily here in Tokyo they are not as prominent as back in Australia or England.”
24. Finger mustaches.
“Finger mustaches, ‘refuse to sink’ anchors, and inner lip/side of foot tattoos.”
25. Koi fish and Pinterest quotes.
“Koi fish and any form of Pinterest sayings.
26. Words Of Wisdom on the Skank Flank.
“Words Of Wisdom on the Skank Flank.”
27. Miley Cyrus tattoos.
“Miley Cyrus tattoos.”
28. Well, duh!
29. Feel the sting.
30. Finger tattoos on the side of the finger.
“Finger tattoos—the ones on the side of the finger. I’ve seen a lot of girls lately none of them can stand the pain at ALL. They also require good maintenance and they don’t do it. The ones I’ve seen that are a couple of months old or even a year are all faded and since it hurts they don’t bother with the touch-ups. The other thing I don’t like is that most of the girls I have tattooed have real slim fingers and it’s a bitch to get in there plus the twitching and sometimes moving makes it worse.”
31. Stop looking at Pinterest and all the Photoshopped tattoos on there.
“Fad tattoos. Infinity signs, dream catchers, finger tattoos (the side of the fingers), feathers and bird silhouettes, the black and grey tree sleeves that start at the wrist, watercolor tattoos of any of the previous mentioned items, words as small as you can make them, and white ink (by itself) tattoos….Stop looking at Pinterest and all the Photoshopped tattoos on there.”
32. Fuckin’ white people getting tribal tests on they skinny-ass arms.
“Fuckin’ white people getting tribal tests on they skinny-ass arms. If doesn’t make you look tough or cool, it just makes you look like a child trying to sit at the grown up tables. Get you fuckin’ shine box.”
33. I’m seeing a lot of kids with shitty face tattoos.
“The clients who don’t understand why I won’t tattoo their necks or hands when they have no other major visible tattoos are a pain… I’m seeing a lot of kids with shitty face tattoos and I just know there’s a bunch of scratchers out there with no respect for other people’s lives…worst part is the fact that we get shit for not wanting to fuck up your life permanently.
Other than that, I fucking love my job. Love it.”