1. I thought men had two dicks—one for peeing, one for pooping.
“I truly, genuinely thought that men had two penises. One they peed out of and one they pooped out of. Apparently my childlike mind didn’t register a reason for men to have buttholes.”
2. I thought men had two dicks—one for peeing and one for sex.
“Men do not, in fact, have two dicks: one for pissing and one for sexing. Six-year-old me was thoroughly confused when she saw her first anatomy chart.”
3. I thought that penises were shaped like snowmen.
“When I was in second grade, we were playing with Play-Doh in class. One of the boys in my class built a snowman, then held it against his crotch like it was his penis to make his friend laugh.
Due to a lack of any other visuals (I’m a female), I thought for a very, very long time that penises were shaped like snowmen.”
4. I thought that boners would feel harder.
“I knew a boner didn’t mean that some bone in their body didn’t suddenly pop up, but I just thought it would feel much harder…you always hear stuff like “I’m rock hard,” but it’s more of a fleshy, stiff feeling. But the first time I felt one, I thought to myself, ‘Is he not into this? shouldn’t it be much harder?’”
5. I thought the balls were as tight and round as two separate ping pong balls.
“My only experience with men’s genitals up until the age of 18 was from carvings on the school desks. So, I imagined the balls sat directly above the shaft and were as tight and round as two separate ping pong balls.”
6. I thought men had three balls.
“I thought men had three balls. The scene where Dr. Evil gets hit in the gonads, and counts to three. Took me giving a ball-sucking BJ to figure it out.”
7. I thought semen was cold.
“I thought semen was cold. I figured because it’s a liquid, and you drink liquids, therefore semen is a drink and should be cold.”
8. I thought each ball had its own sack.
“I thought each ball had its own sack.”
9. I thought that boys were born with balls inside their body until puberty and then they ‘dropped.’
“I believed that boys were born with balls inside their body until puberty and they ‘dropped.’ it was a shock.”
10. I thought that blue balls could kill a man.
“That blue balls could kill a man, and that in order to prevent becoming a murderess, I had to alleviate any erection I caused. I believed this for years and years and years, because every guy I asked would confirm it. Almost like some bro code or something. And the Viagra commercials (‘4 hours or longer’) made me think it was true. I’m 27 now and recently learning it wasn’t fatal was mind-blowing.”
11. I thought that balls were in front of the penis.
“Because of the way that kids draw dicks—usually two complete circles with a an oblong protrusion coming out of them—I thought the balls were in front of the penis for a very long time.”
12. I thought boners just suddenly popped up.
“I assumed boners just suddenly popped up like nothing and then bam—hard-on. I wasn’t aware it ‘grew’ hard.”
13. I thought boys pooped out of their penis.
“I believed that boys pooped out of their penis.”
14. I thought the penis was for peeing and the balls were for sex.
“When I was a kid (maybe 7 or 8), I thought the penis was strictly for peeing and that the balls were for sex. I thought the balls were not connected to each other and that when you had sex, you picked one ball and put it into the vagina. I also thought each ball had a hole for sperm to come out. Because of that, I didn’t understand how threesomes with anything other than 2 girls, 1 guy worked, because with that each girl got one ball. I especially didn’t understand 2 guys, 1 girl threesomes, because that’s two sets of balls and one hole (or so I thought). I remember being super confused when I found out the peeing body part for guys was also the sex part, since girls had separate parts for that.”
15. I thought that penises were constantly slimy.
“Till I was 17, I believed penises were constantly slimy. Like, that’s just how they were. I think it was probably because vaginas are a moist area. I know, weird one. LOL My friends and I still laugh about it.”
16. I thought one testicle was for male sperm and the other for female sperm.
“Not sex, necessarily, but when up until I was 19 I thought that one testicle was for male sperm and one was for female. My family still doesn’t let it go and asks me and my girlfriend which one we’ll tie up first before having kids if we choose to.”
17. I thought the penis was straight down between the legs.
“I always thought the penis was straight down between the legs.”
18. I thought men had three penises.
“As a child I thought men have three penises. I think it’s because I used to bathe with my brother (five years older) until he hit puberty and I assumed the balls are thick smaller penises.”
19. I thought men “boxed” their balls like little punching bags.
“The reason men had balls is that they used them for boxing, as in they would box their own balls to get practice. No idea where I got this idea from, I was in year two and insanely jealous that I couldn’t just bend over to do a little of my own boxing.”
20. I thought men had two holes: one to poop, and one to have sex with other guys.
“When I was a kid, I used to think that men had two holes: one to poop, and one to have sex with other guys, which worked kind of like a vagina. I knew they couldn’t have babies, but I also didn’t know anything about buttsex. Imagine my surprise when I learned that they had penetrative sex with the poop hole.”
21. I thought that boys were physically incapable of crying.
“I thought boys couldn’t cry. I mean physically incapable of excess tear production, not just ‘too macho’ to cry. I’d never seen my dad cry, never seen a boy cry, nothing. I just figured they couldn’t. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I finally looked over and saw my daddy crying that I realized, ‘Wait…that’s fucking stupid, of course males can cry. They have tear ducts, don’t they?’”